Precious
by Forfun100
Summary: What is the ultimate price? Most think it's death, I disagree. It is much easier to die, no repercussions. It is easier to die than to sell your soul, or to be beaten and ridiculed. What is the ultimate sacrifice? My name is Katniss Everdeen and I think I've just found out... After the Games Snow has only just begun to use his little tributes, what more could he have in store?
1. Chapter 1 Making Plans

So every girl in District Twelve has a check list they go through once they are no longer in the reaping. It make sense, I suppose, since lifespan here ranges to about thirty-five to forty if you're lucky. Of course everyone has their livelihoods planed out, it's second nature.

I for one never thought it strange. Maybe because I grew up around it, maybe because I've had it branded in my mind forever. I don't know and I don't care.

Anyway there is a checklist, number one on that list finish school. Even though that shouldn't count at all because there's three weeks of school after reaping and no one does real work during that time anyway.

No one really cares about school in Twelve because we are born into our jobs. If you're Seam you're a miner. If you're a merchant you train to take over the family business.

So really in my opinion school doesn't count because school is irrelevant.

Number two get married. Girls don't get mining jobs because of some stupid law the Capitol made that said it was a hazard to our future kids and a few other things that really didn't matter.

And finally number three get pregnant. Because again the lifespan being so short here, and families get reimbursed by the Capitol for each child they have.

I always thought it was weird to have a kid just because the Capitol paid you to. I never understood why it was so damned important to give in to the freaking Capitol.

Now however... Well now I'm not much different from every girl with a checklist.

My name is Katniss Everdeen, I'm sixteen years old, I share the title of Victor for the Seventy-Fourth Annual Hunger Games with a boy named Peeta (Who by the way thinks I love him when in reality I'm not quite sure yet), I'm one half of the Star-Crossed lovers of District Twelve, and I have a year to get married and knocked up.

* * *

So let's back up a bit. I was a participant in the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games with a boy named Peeta Mellark. He announced his love for me during his interview before the games after which I shoved him into a plant.

During the games I dropped a bunch of mutants on him, and he still came back to save me. I teamed up with a little girl named Rue and together we burned the careers supplies to the ground.

Rue was killed and afterwards they announced that two tributes from the same district could be victors. So I went and found Peeta, who was admittedly more than half dead at that point, and brought him back to health.

After a lot of rain and some sob stories later, we ended up fighting one other tribute to the death. We won but then they announced only one Victor could be crowned.

Peeta and I decided that it wasn't worth it and so we held up these berries called Nightlock that kill you, to show them we would die first. So we both won, fantastic right?

Well not entirely. You see I was under the impression Peeta was doing this for sponsors not because he was actually in love with me... Go ahead shoot me for being ignorant! I don't care!

Look I'm sorry I'm an emotional cripple and have a low capacity for actual human emotions, and blah blah blah. But what do you want from me? I was going to die! And so was he.

Anyway he doesn't know I'm so incredibly confused about this whole ordeal. I didn't tell him about it because... Well... What would you have done? Broke his heart? I don't think so, not after he confessed without any cameras.

What was I going to say to him after he smiled so stupidly at me? After he just looked at me and said those three over used meaningless words to me.

So again he thinks I'm sincere, when in reality I'm not so sure.

Oh yeah did I mention, in a week we leave for the Victory Tour... Well that was the worst of my problems, but yesterday something petrifying happened.

Snow showed up at my house. I walked into it trying to not think anything at all but I was trembling when I actually began to talk to him.

Much less when he got to the main point "You know Miss. Everdeen everyone isn't convinced with your little, love act."

"What?" I asked slightly frightened for my life.

"You see some people have taken your little berry incident to be more than the act of a pair of love struck teenagers."

"What do they think we were doing exactly?"

"... Well you don't need to know that yet because soon it will be irrelevant. As long as you listen to me. Everything will go smoothly."

"What do you mean?"

"Miss. Everdeen, just play by my rules and I can guarantee that little sister of yours stays out of the Games."

I didn't think twice, how could I refuse? "What do you want?"

"You know what I think? A wedding in the fall would just be lovely wouldn't it?" I didn't respond, "And I'm sure that the pitter patter of little feet around the house would not be too far off from that."

I looked down at my feet. "Do we have a deal Miss. Everdeen?"

"May I ask for more direct instructions?" I asked hoping maybe it wouldn't be true what he was asking of me.

"... A wedding between you and Mr. Mellark, and of course every marriage leads to a baby."

I nodded at his words, for Prim I'd do anything. "And I think a year should be plenty of time for my two love birds to... Well you get the idea." He laughed at this.

So yeah... Guess who has a year to get married and knocked up?


	2. Chapter 2 Look Who's Coming to Dinner

As I said we leave in a week, and I haven't told anyone about my little encounter. I'm starting to get really freaky. Like day dreaming about all the worst case scenarios and all.

I haven't told anyone yet because I don't know who to turn to.

I don't have anyone I trust like that... Well I mean I do, of course I trust Gale, but I can't talk to him about this.

I can't do that to him while he's so happy with Madge. I remember introducing them when I got back, and now they're inseparable.

I can't talk to Madge because she just wouldn't understand. She might even indulge the idea and make me want a baby. That idea alone scares me.

I guess I could talk to Haymitch... But who am I kidding I'm not going to talk to Haymitch.

I can't tell Peeta, because then he might find out my feelings aren't sincere, and then he'd make me feel so awful I wouldn't be able to breathe.

"Katniss, are you up there?" I suddenly hear my mother call up the stairs.

"Yeah" I call back down. "Why?"

"Peeta left you a note down here." I walk down the stairs into the living room my mother is in. Then I think that maybe I can tell her.

I pick up the note and skim through it. "Mother... Can I talk to you?" I ask.

"Sure Katniss." She says turning her attention to me. I never talk to her... Ever. Especially not like this, she knows something is up.

I know she wasn't there for Prim and me, but I need someone and she's my mother. I need a mother and I'm hoping right now she'll make up for all of those absent years.

I tell her everything, about my feelings, about Snow, and about my fears. She nods slightly before looking up and smiling, "I raised a good kid." She says finally.

"Mom I'm talking about getting married and pregnant. I'm a sixteen year old."

"I know but not all siblings would go to such lengths to save their younger sibling." She walks over and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Katniss... Are you going to go through with it?" She asks me seriously.

"Are you kidding? I have to, I can't let them take Prim away from us." I answer angrily.

"Then" She puts her hands on my cheeks to comfort me. "You are going to have to work this out. You're going to have to make the best of this." She smiles at me quickly, "You're going to have to try to find happiness with him, and ultimately decide just how far you're willing to go for his happiness."

I look at the ground now ashamed. He is truly in love with me. It's not fair that his love pretend to feel the same.

"So are you going to meet his parents?"

"What!?"

"That's what the letter said Katniss, he wants you to have dinner with his family."

I look down at the letter and actually read it this time, "I'd really like it if you could meet my family. So I'll come get you around five if you don't want to that's fine and I'd understand but... It would really mean a lot to me."

"Well of course I have to go." I sigh after reading it.

"You're lucky to have good in-laws Katniss. Your poor father had horrible in-laws."

"His mother hates me" I state and mother smiles sympathetically.

Mother moves to my side and kisses my forehead. "So what are you going to do?"

"As in?"

"Well, getting ready. You are going to meet his parents apparently." Mother brushes my hair back with her fingers.

"Crap... I don't know." I answer.

"Why don't I help you then?" I nod and allow her to take me up to my bed room. She pulls out clothes but I don't honestly look at them.

"Mother?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you feel about... All of this?"

Mother hangs up a few clothes before looking at me "Katniss... I can't say I like the idea of my sixteen year old getting married and having a baby. But this doesn't have anything to do with me, Precious." She stands by me and again runs her fingers through my hair. I find familiarity in the name she called me. Precious, I wish I could remember why, "You have to find your own way."

I turn and hug my mother which catches her slightly off guard since I haven't done this in a while.

"I'm afraid."

"I know Precious" Now I remember, She knows that's what dad used to call me. I can't help but find comfort in the name. She's my mother, like I said, and I clearly need my mother. "Now, you should shower and get ready to meet Peeta's parents."

"Mother?"

"Yes?"

"Could you do my hair?"

"... Sure Precious. Just get me when you're ready okay?"

I nod as she leaves. I step in the shower and again rethink what I'm condemning myself to. I couldn't possibly be a mother at sixteen. I can't do that... That's crazy.

I dress in what mother has left me. I'm glad she's trying to be there now. She left clothes I normally wouldn't wear, she knows I really do want to make a good impression.

I feel bad for him, I really do. I mean I can't even imagine what it would be like to have the girl who you've loved all your life not really love you back.

That must suck. But I'd try for him. I have to now. Mother's right I really need to play up this love act, I need to try to at least like him like that. I mean in theory I'm having his kid.

I've never wanted this, any of it. I've never wanted a baby, I've never wanted marriage, hell, I've never wanted love.

I slip on the dress and call my mother back up to my room. She sits down and begins to braid my hair.

"Peeta will be good to you." She says

"I know."

"He'll treat you well, he won't strip you of your freedom. I know that under the circumstance he seems less desirable, but he loves you.

"Trust me. I don't feel comfortable with the fact he followed you home every day, but" I laugh at this and so does she. She takes my chin so I look right into her Merchant blue eyes, "But I know he'll be good to you."

"I just. I can't raise a baby." I sigh.

"You raised Prim when I couldn't" Mother reassures me.

"... I guess."

We hear a knock at the door then. Mother has just finished my hair. She kisses my forehead before answering the door.

"Hi Peeta." I hear her greet him, "Katniss" She calls. I stand up and make my way out to meet him.

I smile when I see him. He looks nice and just as nervous as me. "Hi" I greet quietly.

"Hi" He stays where he is probably frightened by what my mother may do. "You look beautiful." He smiles.

"Katniss, be back by nine okay?" Mother hugs me.

"Alright." I say.

"Bye, Precious" She lets me go onto the porch with Peeta.

He slips his hand into mine. "How are you?" He asks me still keeping his distance.

"Fine" I say, "You're not still afraid of my mother are you?"

He laughs, "She raised you, and you are rather lethal. She's not squeamish so combine the two and that is certainly something to fear."

"Well you can be afraid of my mother and I'll be afraid of yours." I say.

"She's not that difficult Katniss, she's my mom. You'll grow on her"

"Yeah if she's drunk" I say.

"Well that might help." He says.

"Peeta?"

"Yes?"

"...I... I uh..." I want to tell him but at the last-minute, "Want to know what you think of Gale?" I chicken out.

"... What do you mean?"

"Well, I hang out with him all the time. He's been part of my family for years. How do you feel about him."

"Well I can't say I appreciate him making me feel jealous. But other than that he's a good person, I can see us being friends."

"Jealous?"

"Yes, very" He kisses my cheek. "I've been in love with you forever, you can't have expected me to just assume you and Gale were friends."

I nod slightly, internally cursing myself for being so stupid and not telling him. "You okay?" He asks me.

"Cold" I say simply. He wraps his arm around me and he's so warm I think I might have actually been cold. We walk to the baker's house where all of the Districts merchants live.

"You warm?" He asks.

"Yes" I say moving out of his arm suddenly terrified of his mother. He laughs while I do this. I let him because he should know just how frightening his mother is.

We stand at the door for a moment before I am greeted by his father.

"Peeta!" He says pleasantly. "And Katniss, come on in."

I'm led into the house which is warm and full of, oddly enough, love.

"Peeta, you've finally come to help Rye and I out?" One of Peeta's brothers calls out.

"Coming Gram" Peeta heads into the kitchen.

"Welcome Katniss, my wife is out getting a few last-minute things." He says walking with me to the kitchen, "How's your mother?"

"She's better" I say thinking about today.

"That's wonderful."

We walk into the kitchen to find Peeta and his brothers hitting one another and laughing heartily.

"Don't pick on your brother Gram."

"Why? It's fun, and he knows I mean well." The oldest who now has a name laughs.

"Or do I Gram?" Peeta threatens playfully.

"Then get a sense of humor little bro your girl is watching" The second oldest who must be Rye says this over Peeta's shoulder.

"I am not his girl!" I say, "I'm my own person, not property, thank you!" I laugh along with them.

"You are so lucky you got the patience gene Peet" Rye says, "I wouldn't last ten minutes with her."

"Are you saying that because I could beat you in a fight? Or because of my temper?" I smile and he smiles back at me.

"Wanna go little sis? I ain't afraid to hit a girl"

"Me neither" We both laugh at this.

"You're alright" He punches my shoulder playfully, "Peeta, I approve this one!"

"Good to know Rye." Peeta laughs and stands at my side.

"Congratulations Kat, seems Rye has given you his seal of approval. Not that we can say that's an accomplishment." Gram sighs.

"Are you saying I don't have good choices?" Rye asks.

"Yes" Gram says.

"But I approved of your wife!"

"After we were married and you found out she was the only girl on the wrestling team." Gram says.

"What can I say I'm late to the party." Rye shrugs.

"Now, now boys settle down when your mother gets home I want proper behavior." Mr. Mellark says and I sit at the breakfast table with him.

"Sure thing Dad." Rye says.

"Just so long as she doesn't pull out the rolling-pin." Gram says.

"She won't as long as I any have say." Mr. Mellark says.

"Katniss, wanna help?" Gram asks.

"If by help you mean burn? Sure thing" I say.

"Come on" Gram laughs.

"I can only cook soup and that's because you can't burn it." I laugh.

"Well little brother you've got some work to do, if she's your pick she's going to have to cook" Gram fake scolds.

"I know" Peeta rolls his eyes.

"But she's a keeper because I said so" Rye interjects a comment. The boys shove each other around the kitchen in all playfulness.

"Katniss what have you been doing since you got back. Besides making my youngest fall harder for you." Mr. Mellark asks.

"I've been um... Spending a lot of time getting two friends together and spending more time with my mom."

"That's good to hear."

"The Games really brought her back to me. It's almost like she's whole again."

"I'm very happy to hear that."

"Who've you been getting together?" Gram asks with interest.

"The Mayors daughter and my hunting partner" I smirk

"No!" Rye laughs, "No way!"

"Yep, and he will never hear the end of it believe me." I say.

"Hawthorn and a Townie? Lord Jesus, I think we've stepped into an alternate universe." Rye laughs.

The brothers get off on another topic while I look back to the front of the house.

I look over and see Mrs. Mellark nearing the house. I stay put and try to tune back into the boys conversation.

She walks in the door and I'm frozen with a smile slapped across my face.

She looks me up and down. "Get out" She snarls, "You little Seam brat get out of my house"

Everyone's attention turns to her. All is quiet, she stands there watching me with angry, and almost... In a way, hurt eyes.

"I'll say it again if you're deaf as well. Get out!" I stand up and feel oddly courageous.

"Hello Mrs. Mellark." I say with fear lodged in my throat.

She hits me with her purse a few times before I'm able to move away.

"Sorry." I say, "Good bye" I run out of the house at a full sprint.

Katniss Everdeen doesn't run away. Sadly I did though, I hear Mrs. Mellark shout at Peeta to sit down as I run away.

That still went better than I expected though so Yay?

I run back home to find mother cleaning up from her and Prim's supper.

"Katniss?" She asks. I walk into the kitchen. "What are you doing home?"

"That woman hates me" I groan.

"His mother?" She asks drying off her hands of the dish water.

"Yes" I sit down on a bar stool in the kitchen.

"I have leftovers. I'll make you a bowel and you can tell me about it." So I told her what happened and she gave me a bit of bread along the side of my soup.

"Everything was going so well too. I adore his brothers and father. But that woman-"

"She hit you with her purse?" Mother cuts me off before I can curse.

"Yes" I want to laugh since the idea of it seems so ridiculous.

"That woman needs to keep our differences in the past." Mother mumbles.

"What do you mean?"

"... Precious." Mother takes my hand and sighs, "When I lived in the village I was friends with Peeta's mother. She didn't hate Seam until I left the apothecary for a your father. She never got over it. She felt betrayed."

"Why?"

"She thought I gave up my friendship with her for a boy. She snatched up Peeta's father the moment she found out I left for the Seam out of revenge. She's hated us ever since."

"Mom this woman is going to be my mother-in-law" I sigh finishing my food.

"I know Precious. But this is what it's going to take for your sister to be safe." She soothes.

"Oh my poor baby!" I say suddenly.

"What?"

"My child will have that woman as a grandmother." Mother laughs at this.

"Oh Katniss." Mother laughs before kissing my head. "There are worse things."

"I know. But still!"

"Oh Precious." She takes my hand, "At least his father likes you, your father had two very angry, very unloving in-laws."

"But I'll have to talk to these people mom, dad never had to deal with your parents."

"Well yes. I suppose." Mother leads me to my room and helps me ready for bed.

We hear a knock at the door which sends mother away. She comes back momentarily. "It was Peeta, he wanted to make sure you were okay. I told him you were and that you would see him tomorrow morning. He wants to have breakfast with you in the morning"

I nod, "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Be nice to him."

"Of course Precious." She says in an insulted manner.

"I mean, let him call you mom or something. Make him not so afraid of you."

"I have to be mother and father Katniss." She says with a smile.

"Mom, I'm not kidding," I smile back, "He's petrified of you."

She looks almost distant so I speak up "Mom"

"... I haven't heard you call me mom in years." She says with tears in her eyes. "Good night Precious."

"Goodnight."


	3. Chapter 3 Breakfast at the Mellarks

The next morning Mom wakes me before the sun, "Katniss get up."

"Huh?" I ask shifting in bed before standing up.

"Peeta's over he's taking you to have breakfast with his family." She says throwing me some clothes

"This early?" I ask seeing that it's six thirty.

"The bakery opens at eight."

"Right" I mutter throwing the clothes mom chucked at me on. She starts brushing through my hair while I brush my teeth.

"Try and keep your temper in tact please." She says adjusting my clothing.

"It's too early to argue with them anyway mom." I say once I look halfway decent. "Bye" I hug her quickly and run down the stairs.

"Morning" Peeta smiles at me.

"Morning." I say. He takes my hand and leads me out of the house.

"You look exhausted." He laughs.

"I had a long night." I say without thinking. It's so early I have no filter. Oops.

"I'm sorry about my mom." He says looking down at his feet.

"Don't be" I say taking his arm, "You can't help that."

"Just give her some time, she'll come around" He assures with his fingers looped around my hand. I highly doubt this, like really highly doubt this. Like, I doubt this more than I doubt that my life will ever be simple again.

We walk quickly to his family's home, and reach there before the sun has risen. I like the color of the sky though, dusky blue.

We just walk in this time, which honestly make me feel more than out-of-place.

"Peeta? Is that you?"

"Yeah Rye" He calls before turning to me, "Don't be nervous."

"Okay" I say though I really am.

Rye walks into the main hall, "Hey sis, don't worry we put mom on a leash." He nudges me but I'm still freaking out.

I don't even want to move. However Peeta takes me into the dinning area. There I see Gram putting plates on the table, Mr. Mellark stands in the kitchen whipping something up fairly quickly.

"Katniss" Mr. Mellark smiles at me, "Peeta why don't you two take a seat it's almost ready."

Peeta slips his hand into my sweaty nervous hand, "You're fine." He whispers once I've taken a seat.

I look up into his eyes, there's something so genuine there I can't help but feel oddly about all of this. My situation puts me in an unpleasant predicament, but he does love me it's in his eyes. That will have to be enough.

The boys start talking about something I can't completely focus on. I take small bites and try to not notice Mrs. Mellark staring into my soul.

"So Katniss" She speaks up and everyone falls silent, "You're awful quite this morning, how's that friend of yours Gale?"

Everyone holds their breath and Peeta looks about ready to shoot her when I speak up calmly, "He's well, spending a lot more time with his girlfriend now, but we still see each other a lot."

"Nothing illegal I hope." She says getting more held breath.

"No ma'am, nothing illegal." I respond. My mother is screaming at me in my head, telling me to keep my cool.

"Good to hear. I've been told from some of the girls in town your mother's had a relapse."

"No, the opposite in fact. She's much better now."

"Well that's all we can hope for with those, 'crazy' people." Now she's just trying to dig under my skin. She's finding gold.

I only nod, afraid I'll rip her head clean off if I don't clench my teeth.

She's searching my soul for something I can't tell what though, "Gram how's your wife?" She asks. Oh, now she's going to try and compare me to his brother's wife. This is golden.

"She's good..." Gram gives me a strained glance.

"When are you two going to give me grandchildren? At this rate Peeta will be the first to father a child." Everyone stops. Rye nearly chokes on his drink, Mr. Mellark is flushed in embarrassment, Gram's eyes dart to me, and Peeta looks deathly pale.

I however look at her with a smile, "Oh we're not... We're not sleeping together."

"Really?" Mrs. Mellark asks with an extremely shocked face, "Oh I just assumed." She mumbles this next part but I hear it clearly, "Since you've got nothing better to do than screw my youngest son."

I don't retaliate, but I eat what remains on my plate instead. Mr. Mellark changes the topic so the boys can begin their banter again.

I stare at them awkwardly, trying my hardest to laugh at the right moments. This morning couldn't have lasted longer if a higher being was literally adding sand into the hour-glass of time.

When breakfast is over I thank them and am allowed to leave.

"I survived." I sigh when Peeta and I are away from the house. Now that was harder than the games, I'm almost positive.

He laughs and kisses my temple. I turn and look at him, "You haven't given me a proper kiss since the games." I say to him which gets another chuckle out of him.

He kisses my nose and I give him the same look. He laughs again but for the first time since the games his lips find mine. He's sweet and still tastes like breakfast.

"That's better," He smiles at me, creepy, but strangely sweet.

I take his hand so we can walk back to my house. When we stand on my door step I kiss him. "See you tomorrow." I say.

"I have to wait all day and night?" He asks.

"Well, I can ask mom if you can stay for dinner but she might embarrass me." I say.

"How so?"

"Not telling."

"Then I won't let go until you do." He says and holds my waist tighter.

"I don't mind that." I laugh.

"Precious, come on I need your help." Mom says from the door. Peeta immediately releases.

"H-hi Mrs. Everdeen." He stammers and blushes slight. Wow he IS frightened of my mom.

"Hi Peeta how are you?" Mom asks as I walk to her.

"Fine thanks." He says still embarrassed.

"Mom can he come for dinner?" I ask and his gaze flashes playfully to me.

"Sure Precious, Peeta how's six sound?" Mom asks.

"Good, I'll be off work by then." He says backing down the steps.

"Alright." Mom smiles at him, "Don't let your mom give you too hard a time now."

"I won't. Bye Katniss" I wave as he turns away.

"Come on Precious." She rubs my back and leads me inside. "Are you going hunting with Gale this afternoon?"

"If he's not busy with Madge, yes." I say.

"You take too much pride in matching them." She says.

"Yeah, I do." I say.

"Kat" Prim walks down the stairs.

"Hi little duck." I say and give her a hug, "Where are you going?" I ask seeing she's dressed in her cleaner clothes.

"Just with some of my friends."

"Well be back for dinner Peeta's coming over." Mom says over my shoulder.

Prim smiles slyly at me, "Really?"

"Don't think like that Prim" I say. She starts laughing and I bite my smile down, "Now go on and be back for dinner."

"I will" She assures me.

Mom turns to me and takes me into the kitchen. "So how'd it go?"

"I lived to tell the tale" I say before explaining the trip. "I think I was too tired to say anything, but I guess it doesn't matter too much."

Mom and I chat briefly before Gale comes to the door.

I get my hunting gear on and we head out. Gale tells me about Madge, about his life. I let him talk because it's nice he's found her. Now he has someone. Where as I am totally... Alone.

We can be friends now, we were never meant to be more than that, now he sees it just as clear as I do.

I make it home in time to see mom busily working the kitchen. "Mom, I'm going to shower." I say plopping my game bag on the counter.

"Put on something nice alright?" She says.

"No promises." I laugh playfully. Her glare is well-meant and honestly gets a laugh out of me.

I've showered and changed... Twice because mom put me in a dress. Then Prim gets home.

"You're so pretty!" She says when she hugs me. She gasps, "You must really love him if you're wearing a dress willingly."

I gasp at her words. "Prim!"

"Alright little girl you go on and put something pretty on too." Mother says.

"Won't matter, Peeta won't be looking at me." Prim says in a tone I don't much appreciate.

"Come on Precious, you look perfect." She takes me into the kitchen which smells divine with the food she's prepared. "Now you will not be taking him up stairs."

I get huge eyes at her words, "Mom, I'm not-"

"Let me set my rules first. You'll not be alone the entire night and some of that stuff you were doing in the cave. Yeah nuh-uh. Not happening under any roof ever.

"You'll be calm and respectful and won't make him feel uncomfortable." She says this checking different pots. "Alright?"

"Mom if you think I'd do any of that stuff you're wrong."

She turns and looks at me sadly, "But you're still my baby. I shouldn't have just left you like I did. I need to be a mom right now, let me be your mom."

I hug her then, because it simply feels right. We hear a knock at the door and pull apart.

"I've got it." I say and get moving quickly. I open the door and smile when I see Peeta. "Hi." I say before kissing him. He's apprehensive and I can feel it in this kiss.

"Hi." He says back.

"Don't be nervous, mom's already told me all the rules. And we've just broken half of them." He gives me that look of 'really? Did you just say that?' I smile as my mom enters the hall.

"Hi Peeta. Come on if dinner's just about ready." He nods and pushes past me. He brought flowers for my mom. How cute.

"Come on Little Duck. Dinner's ready." I call up. She comes down in a dress of her own and leads me into the dinning room. Mom's set up four chairs instead of three.

I go to Peeta and let my hand find his. "Please sit." Mom says and we both sit down. "So Peeta, how's work?" My mom asks once she sits down.

"Good." He hesitates, "Business as usual now that I'm back."

"That's good to hear. How's your father?"

"He's well, told me to say hello." Peeta begins to eat like I did during breakfast. But mom won't say things like Mrs. Mellark. Well not directed at him anyway.

Mother nods, "Prim where'd you go off to this morning?"

"Just hanging out."

"With who?"

"Pansy, Lilac, Emery... And Rory." She mutters the last name with a sip of water.

"Prim." I gasp.

"What?" She asks defensively. "You're the one all over Peeta on live television."

"Prim!" I gasp again.

"You know it's true!" She claims with a laugh, "With you it's the most romantic, adorable thing in the world. But with me it's a sin huh?" She winks at me just as a blush spreads across my cheeks.

"No! I just- I didn't-..." I look at my plate at a loss for words. Peeta is chuckling next to me, I have the distinct urge to smack him.

"Prim, just tell me next time okay? I have enough trouble with your sister." Mom gestures to me.

"Mother!" My jaw falls to the ground, "When have I been trouble?"

"When you brought a boy home." She smiles at me.

I'm so utterly humiliated I can't handle it, "And he's cute" Prim muses.

"Hush!" I say quickly.

"What? I'm a girl Kat, I can think people are cute. Unless you're a bit defensive."

"I am not!"

"Oh but you are." He says amused.

"Shut up." I glare playfully at him.

"Just don't talk about it all the time like Gale talks about Madge. I swear he'll make my ears bleed." Prim says.

"Prim that's what people do when they're in love." Mom says.

"That's not the only thing people do when they're in love." Prim mutters playfully.

"Primrose!" Mom scolds.

She laughs, "Someone had to say it." My god my baby sister is NOT innocent.

"I'm going to pretend that didn't just come out of my little sister's mouth." I say.

"Hm let's see how else can we embarrass you Kat?" Prim asks.

"Please don't" I says.

"Oh, but it's fun" Prim laughs. "Mom help me out here."

"Well when you were little you found me and your father making Prim." Mom says and I cringe, "And when we told you we were just playing you asked if you could play too."

"MOTHER!" I shout over the roaring laughter. My face is so red I'm afraid I'll be rosy pink forever.

"Then you tried to climb into bed with us." She's laughing so hard her sentence is broken up slightly.

"How about dessert?" I stand up and steer clear of the dinning room. I happen upon the dessert mom has made and take my time getting the plates and forks.

When I walk back in mother has finished her story. "Here" I say putting the food on the table. I sit down and cross my arms over my chest.

"Oh we're teasing." Mom says giving out the cake she admits she bought earlier in the day.

"Yeah well, you never had to deal with your parents telling embarrassing stories about you." I claim.

"That's because my parents weren't good parents." She claims.

I start to eat my cake when Prim says this, "Yeah if dad were here he'd talk about the time you kissed a rabbit and it bit you." I stop before taking my first bite, out of my own horror. The cake falls straight down my dress into my bra. And everyone has noticed.

I put down my fork and reach in to grab it. Is it bad once I'm holding the icing in my hand I'm still tempted to eat it? Anyway I put it on a napkin.

I stand up and leave the table angry and embarrassed. I clean myself up and walk back into the dinning room where I'm greeted with six happy eyes.

I sit down and eat my cake without uttering a single word. After moments of silence I finally speak up. "So this has been an interesting night..." I look over at Peeta, "You ready to go?" I ask.

"Yeah... I'll do that." He stands up, "Thanks for dinner Mrs. Everdeen."

"Thanks for coming Peeta." She says.

"Bye Prim."

"Bye" I lead him from the dinning room and take him to the front porch.

"I like your family. They're fun and-"

"Crazy?" I finish

"Good crazy. My family, bad crazy."

"No your mom bad crazy. The rest of your family good crazy." I say adjusting the collar of his shirt.

"And us."

"We're just flat-out crazy." He laughs at this. I look up and kiss him quickly. "Night." I say.

"Night." He breathes slowly. I go inside and close the door quickly behind me.

Prim bounces up to me, "You're so cute together!" She squeals in delight.

"Go upstairs Prim, you've tortured me enough for one day." I say.

"It wasn't that bad." She gives me a look I can't not smile at.

"It was pretty bad." I kiss her forehead and send her upstairs.

I walk into the kitchen where mom is cleaning up from dinner. "Need help?" I ask.

"Yes please. Can you pack everything up so I can do dishes? I'm going to bring it round the Seam tomorrow." I nod and pack away food. "He's a good sport." She says.

"When he's not deathly afraid of you."

"As he should be." She says with a smile in her tone. "I haven't laughed so much since your father was around."

"And at my expense to boot." I say.

"You were a good sport too Precious."

"Thank you." I say packing the leftovers away in the fridge.

"Precious, do you love him?" She asks me, I know why. The whole Snow thing. But my answer is indefinite.

"I'm not sure." I say.

She nods, "Because tonight... You looked like you did. It was like me and your father all over again."

I'm taken aback by this. Do I love him? Or am I fooling myself and everyone around me?


	4. Chapter 4 Love Bites Back

_My sister's prom was tonight so yeah... Here you are courtesy of Franklin High School!_

* * *

I wake up this morning from the nightmares of the arena. It's strange because... When I'm living my life and distracting myself from my past it's almost forgotten. But I can't ever forget, not totally.

So at four in the morning I'm awake. I sit up in bed for a good five minutes staring at the wall in front of me trying to shake away the pain.

Sometimes you just forget who you were to become who you are.

Anyway I got up and ate quickly before finding myself wandering the empty streets of Twelve.

I look around as the town comes to life, front porch lights go off just as I leave town. I see miners making their way to work for the early morning shift.

That's when I find myself lost in the place I know best. Have you ever stumbled around in a place you've lived your whole life? No matter where I go, it's unfamiliar and frightening. Nothing is as it once was.

That's my life, not what it used to be and I miss it terribly. I just want myself back.

I feel like my eyes have been closed this whole time and when I open them the sun has set. I'm on the edge of the district, I only am sure that I'm completely freezing, every other feeling is up in the air. I literally have no clue where I am.

I wander around, lost in the place I know best until I'm shaken back to life by warm strong hands.

"Katniss." He says. "You've been wandering around all day. Where are you going?"

"Peeta?" I ask coming back to myself. "...I'm fine... Just... I just had a little freak out. I'm fine."

"You're freezing." He says taking me in his arms.

"No you're just warm." I claim.

"Let's get you home." He says to me keeping me close to his chest. "What happened?" He asks me after we've walked a ways.

"... I had a nightmare." I tell him in a hushed tone. "But I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" he asks, though I find the question stupid and repetitive he asks it because he knows I'm not okay.

"I will be." I say.

He sighs, "You can talk to me you know that right?" I do know that, but I can't convince myself of this. So I don't say anything. "I'll keep you safe."

I can only think of one thing. No, he can't keep me safe, he's the entire reason I'm screwed. It's because of him, that Snow was able to put a price on me. I have to marry this boy.

I have to marry this sweet amazing boy, who I don't deserve. To top it off I'm required to have his baby, how many girls would so willingly have this boy's baby? How in hell did he have the misfortune to get stuck with the one girl who doesn't want a baby?

"Kat?" I hear breaking me away from that thought.

"Huh?" I look up, I know immediately I'm not in my house. I'm in his, I'm sitting on his couch, in his warm living room wrapped in a soft blanket. "Did I, like, pass out?" I ask, though I know that didn't happen because I'm sitting up perfectly attentive.

"No" He smiles at me, "but you were in a bit of a trance. Your mom and Prim went to deliver a baby. I said you could stay with me until they got back."

"I don't need a babysitter." I say quickly.

"No, of course you don't. But you need someone." He kisses my forehead and it's then I notice he has art supplies sitting on the coffee table.

"What's that?" I ask without thinking.

"Oh" He blushes quickly, "Those are from this morning. I'll just-"

"Can I see them?" I ask.

"... Sure?" He picks up the sketch book and hands it to me. I open it but he puts his hand over the picture before I can see it. "Wait... Just um... I draw you a lot... Don't be mad."

I smile at his blush, "I won't... Unless there's something in here to be ashamed about."

I lift his hand and flip through the images.

I smile and chuckle slightly.

"What is it?" He asks.

I look at him and sigh, "You make me look pretty." I say.

"Well that's an insult." He says.

"Why?"

"You're beautiful. I don't want to do beauty injustice." He takes my still cold hand in his. I should tell him about Snow. I should come clean about the games and everything.

I should, but I don't. He brushes some loose hair back behind my ear. He kisses my jaw line and the skin tingles slightly.

"Kat... Can I ask you something?" He whispers. I look into his eyes and nod slowly. "I love you... You know that, right?"

"Yes" I breathe slowly.

"And you love me?"

"Yes" I say without thinking. What a hole I'm digging for myself.

"Then... Will you marry me?" I allow the question to settle in my thoughts for a second.

"Is this for the Capitol?" I ask, maybe Snow's been to see him too.

"No." Well damn, "I don't care about them. Not like I care about you."

I again allow his words to hang in the air. I can hear my breath, my heart pumps faster with each passing second.

Without thinking I lock my lips to his. I hope this will give me the time, or at the very least the courage to answer his question correctly.

"Kat." He pulls back.

"I'm no good with words." I say. "Words are your thing. I'm not a speaker. I do things."

"But Kat." I kiss him again, still not brave enough. "Kat-"

"Yes" I say before I can weed myself out of the question.

"You don't seem sure." He says. I settle into his arms, my first thought is to lie.

"Last night... I had a dream. We were back in the arena. You wouldn't let me get your medicine... And you died in my arms." It's a half truth, I mean I've wondered consciously what would have happened had he died on me.

He kisses the top of my head, "I'm not going anywhere. You made sure of that." He takes my chin and lifts it to meet his eyes. "I'll be here no matter what."

I try to think of something to say, "Promise me." I say.

"I won't ever leave." He promises before kissing me. Our kisses are soft and long, filled with pressure and just reminds me of all my lies.

Then, when I can breathe again, I can fully see the damage I've just done. If I ever come clean, he'll never trust me again.

"I love you" he says before kissing me again. His kisses are so passionate and kind I only hope my kisses are... Not totally awful.

I'm not sure how long we sit there kissing, but I know when I pull away I feel like the taste of him will never go away and I'm almost out of breath.

"I'm warmer now." I say awkwardly. He laughs as he takes down my hair. I won't lie this simple thing makes me feel uncomfortable. But he just touches it.

He lets my strands of hair bend around his fingers, and he simply observes it. "I can't believe it." He whispers, "Every part of you... Perfect."

"Far from it." I respond.

"Kat... You're perfect to me." He says. He lets himself kiss me again, which may be the strangest most conflicting thing he can do at this point. I can't think straight, and I fear I'll never think straight again.

We hear a knock at the door, we then notice the wind has picked up dramatically. I get up and answer the door. Prim is there bundled up loosely, "Mom wants you back home Kat." Prim says.

"Alright little duck... Um five seconds." I say and turn back into the house. I half walk half sprint back to Peeta. "I have to go my mom... Oh god! My mom."

"What about your mom?"

"What will she think?"

"Kat-" I cut him off with a kiss.

"I have to go. See you tomorrow. Come by at noon." I run out and get back home with Prim. Mom is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Prim runs back upstairs when I walk into the kitchen.

"There you are, I was wondering how long you'd be. I had to send Prim over. We weren't interrupting anything were we?" She looks at my disheveled wind-blown hair and lets a laugh slip out of her lips. "Oh Precious, come on dinner will be ready in an hour, I can help clean you up." She comes and takes my hands. I grab her waist and cry into her shoulder. "What happened honey?"

I can't speak, I am just an awful human being. She sits me down on the couch and begins to brush my hair. "Tell me what happened Precious."

"Peeta... Peeta... He asked me to marry him." I manage to say.

Mother freezes at my words, she must be shocked, "That explains the hickey."

"Hickey?!" I ask and feel the back of my neck.

"Right here Precious." Mother guides my hand to a tender spot on my neck.

"Oh good god." I sigh.

"I'll kill him quickly." She says.

"A hickey?" I ask again not having heard what she said.

"Multiple Hickeys." Mother says.

"My god." I sigh shakily.

"It's alright." Mother hushes me, "Everything will be okay."

I turn around and hug her again. "Mommy." I whimper in her arms, completely vulnerable.

"Shh... You're okay," She assures me. "You're okay." When I pull back to look at her she smiles, "Peeta on the other hand is quite dead."

"Mom!" I gasp with a laugh.

"I'll call him right now or I can wait until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow please." I say.

"Fine but I blame him for the loves bites on your neck, and jaw."

"Wait, tomorrow we leave for the... Victory tour."

"Yes." Mom sighs and runs her hand down my back. I feel safe here, a temporary safety. But I'll take temporary safety over none at all.

* * *

The next morning I'm up at six, Mom makes breakfast for Prim and I. Breakfast is silent, as anything I want to talk about, shouldn't be said around my baby sister. My hickeys are covered by my hair, but my prep team will surely spot them later today.

"Peeta's coming over before twelve if that's alright." I say half way through breakfast.

"That's fine." Mom nods, "Prim come on you may only have a half day but you still have school."

Prim sighs but gets up anyway. "Bye Kat." She kisses my cheek.

"Bye little duck." I say as she exits with mom.

I clean up and dress before re-examining my love bites. God I feel like some stupid teenager. But I realize that's a lie, because if I were some stupid teenager, I'd be in love or having sex.

I hear mom walk in but I don't move. I contemplate how stupid this whole thing is.

I hate myself for this, I truly do. I wish I'd died in the Games right about now, just because of how stupid I am.

I hear a knock downstairs. I nearly sprint but mom gets there first.

"Hi Peeta," She says, "I need to have a few words with you and my daughter." She says quite seriously.

"Um... Okay?" He steps inside and sees me on the stairwell. I hold my arms to my chest but I'm not cold.

I follow my mom into the living room and sit down where I did yesterday. Peeta sits close to me and he notices right off the bat.

"What happened?" He asks gesturing to my neck. He pushes some of my hair off my shoulder.

"You" My mother says simply. His eyes grow huge.

"Oh..." He says and averts his eyes from me entirely.

"I'm not mad, Peeta, I just need to set down a few things." Mom stands over us as if we're in trouble. I know we aren't but he doesn't. "You two are going to be on television for all the world to see. I don't want my daughter looking like trash. Like she's doing something she's not doing at all... Or at least shouldn't be doing."

"Mom!" I gasp, "We aren't doing that!"

"Just checking... I know you two are the star-crossed lovers and all but she does not need the press thinking she's having premarital sex. I want you to be more conscientious in the future understood?"

"Yes ma'am" He says.

"Katniss told me you'd like to get married. I'm not comfortable with my sixteen year old getting married. I don't care what any damned Capitol says, she's my little girl. I want you to respect her wishes and mine at the same time."

"Yes ma'am." He says.

"Peeta, tell me truthfully. Are you ready for marriage?" Mom asks with the most serious expression I've ever seen on her.

He looks at me, "I love her. I'm ready for anything with her."

"I'm not doing this to make you feel out-of-place, Peeta. I'm doing this because she's my baby. But I really think you both need to discuss this much further before you go through with it. Marriage is much bigger than either of you believe, and at sixteen I'm not sure you're ready, okay?"

"Yes mom." I say for him.

"Alright." Mom kisses my head, "Thank you for listening Precious. I'll be up stairs, your prep teams arrive in an hour." I nod as she leaves.

I turn to a truly frightened Peeta. "Kat..." He starts but can't finish.

"What?" I ask calmly.

"I don't want to scare you." He takes my hand in his, "But I am ready for this. I love you so much, and I'll make you happy."

I look at our hands, they look so empty without the other. I slip my hands with his, I know what I want to say. But I also know what I HAVE to say.

"I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready." I say, "But if you'll be there with me. I'm not so afraid to try."

I want him to say something to me. Anything would be better than this damned silence. "Please say something." I beg him eventually.

"I don't think anyone but you could make me speechless." He says with a quick smile. He gets up and leaves me then. I sit a while longer before going upstairs to join my mother.

She turns and looks at me, "So how'd it go?"

"I think I'm engaged." I say taking a seat on the bed with her. "I'm scared." She holds me close until my prep team comes to ready me for the Victory tour.

And so I'm dragged around from district to district. I'm dolled up and stood upright in front of a podium with only Peeta's hand to get me through.

Half way to District Two Haymitch, sits Peeta and I down.

"Alright when we get to the Capitol, they'll be looking for some real showmanship. So Sweetheart keep your trap shut."

"Thanks." I roll my eyes.

"Peeta we need a plan." Haymitch says. The two of them sit pondering in silence before I speak up.

"I have an idea." They simultaneously look at me curiously. I take Peeta's hand slowly as I say, "Announce our engagement."

Peeta gives me the sweetest smile I have literally ever seen. We hadn't talked about the engagement or the confusion of it all since that day my mother scolded him.

I try to return a smile of my own, but it falters as I'm shaking uncontrollably.

"Or better yet. An engagement. You re-propose to her on set." Haymitch says, "It's perfect!"

"Just like you." Peeta whispers to me before kissing my cheek. I say nothing, I let Haymitch and Peeta plan everything. I know that I'm an awful person, go ahead say it... But I am so close to walking to the back car of the train and jumping out so I can die quickly.

Yeah, just go ahead tell me how awful I am for not loving the perfect boy. Now shut your face! I feel bad enough on my own.

Peeta and I make it back to our shared compartment for the night after the details have been planned.

I sit down on the bed after changing. I play with my hair as I listen to the shower running. My god, what am I doing to myself. Why am I doing this to myself?

I hear Peeta come out of the bathroom and sit down next to me.

"Really?" He asks.

"Huh?" I retaliate.

"Are we really... You know engaged?" He asks. His eyes are so hopeful I can't stand my guilt.

"Only if you want to be." I say.

He smiles, "Well of course I want to be. I'm asking you. I know that your mom said we should talk it through."

I'm silent for a moment before speaking up, "I want to keep my freedom. I want you to trust me. I want to know that no matter what I have you to turn to. Most of all I want someone I can say anything to and not be judged." I say.

"Alright." He kisses my cheek before saying, "I just want you as you are. That's all I want from you."

I look at him truly, I know that the one thing he's asking from me is the one thing I've already sold away.

"I love you." I whisper. I'm so unsure and frightened I can't think straight. Again I'm not sure I'll ever think straight again. He lifts me up in his arms kissing me fervently. "Just don't give me any more hickeys okay?"

He laughs before kissing me again. I wish he weren't a good kisser, then I could have reason to hate it when he kisses me. But he's not, he's so soft and gentle I'm almost angry with him.

Why is it so hard for me to love him? Why can't I be like every other citizen of Panem and love this boy?

* * *

In the Capitol Cinna has dressed me in a bright orange dress. Though I don't think my dress should be my main focus I can't stop feeling the fabric before I'm supposed to go on stage.

I must look sick because people keep offering me water and crackers. I may vomit, which would be really awkward if Peeta is going to re-propose marriage.

"Hey" I hear Peeta walk up behind me, "How are you?"

I turn and look at him, very nice in a suit. "I'm fine." I say with a nervous quiver in my tone. I smooth down his tie out of nerves.

He takes my fumbling hands and kisses them. "You know you'll be okay right?"

"Yes, of course." I say.

"We're live!" One of camera men says. Peeta takes my hands and kisses them. I didn't realize how cold they were until he does this.

"Don't be nervous." He says and takes me on stage. After quick small talk Caesar starts asking all the right questions to make me feel uncomfortable.

You know stuff like if we've been enjoying our privacy, or how well we're doing now that we aren't on a cave floor.

Nearing the end of the interview he dares to ask, "So what does the future hold for our star-crossed lovers?"

Peeta slips his hand from mine and smiles at Caesar, "I was beginning to think you'd never ask." I blush knowing just what is going to happen. "Katniss, wow." The crowd laughs at this. I want them all to shut it.

"I mean really... Wow. I think we've been through more together than anyone could ever imagine. You are so extraordinary, I never thought I'd even work up the nerve to talk to you."

"You didn't, remember? You announced to all of Panem you loved me and then I tried to kill you." Everyone laughs at this before he can continue.

"Well then you knocked me out and almost died but that's forgiven." Everyone laughs at this as well.

"I better be" I reply.

"Katniss, I love you. But you know that already. I know you think that love is just a word, but it's a word that is appropriate. So..." He kneels in front of me, "Will you marry me?"

It's not a question it really isn't, but even so I give an answer over the screeching crowd. "Yes I will." I say evenly. His arms find my waist faster than I can breathe. He spins me around and around until I'm nauseous again. He sets me down and kisses me. I can't tell if the kiss drowns out the sound of the screaming people or if I've finally gone deaf.

"What a grand way to pop the question am I right?" Then I realize I'm not deaf because my ear drums ring with sound.

We are sat back down and Caesar starts to gush so much I may just vomit.

"You know what would be so lovely? A Christmas wedding." Peeta laughs next to me. "What is it?"

"I have to wait that long?" He asks and everyone but me laughs. I hate winter, and I hate getting married like this.

"Katniss what do you think? Christmas? Is the date set?"

I take a deep breath, "Uh... I'm still recovering." I say to make everyone laugh. Peeta kisses my head comfortingly. "I think winter will be a wonderful time to get married." I say even though I think it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

"Then it's set! On Christmas day this lovely couple will be married." Then it's over. Everything, the show, the tour, and my life.


	5. Chapter 5 A Gasping Bride to Be

Getting home, I find, is so much more difficult than leaving. I'm coming back an engaged woman. I have a wedding in six months.

Lord, six months to do the one thing I never wanted to do, and STILL don't want to do.

Effie is so excited she's nearly screaming different themes and ideas. She wants flowers I've never heard of something called a hydrangea, and something else called soft ranunculuses.

She's so excited she'll be coming to stay in Twelve until the wedding... Can you sense my enthusiasm? She's got her living arrangements set for the next six months. How lucky am I? Six months of Effie twenty-four seven.

Can you see me cringe?

I get off the train and get home quickly avoiding every camera man who tries to stop me. I close the door tightly behind me and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Kat? Is that you?" Prim calls from the living room.

"Yeah" I stand up straight and walk into the living room. My mom is there, with Prim by her side, and oddly enough Madge sitting across from them.

"Katniss, hi" Madge smiles at me. "I came over to talk to your mom, it's good to see you."

"How've you guys been?" I ask.

"Good." Prim smiles.

"That's good little duck." I say stroking back her hair.

"Madge has something to tell you." Mom says.

"Gale and I got married."

My jaw hits the floor, "What?" I ask with a gasp. I'm not sure what my face looks like because all my muscles now have a mind of their own, but I'm positive it's something as shocked and confused.

"We got married after you and Peeta went to Eleven. We saw how awful it was there, and I was with him. He asked me and I said yes. When you guys got to six we had our papers signed and our toasting." Madge says with the biggest smile I've seen in a while.

"Oh my god." I say sitting down.

"I know it's sudden and all but... I love him. Just like you love Peeta." Well if she likes him like I like Peeta then she's screwed. And voluntarily screwed at that.

I force a smile, "I'm so happy for you." I say though the words are lies like most of my words nowadays are.

"Really?" She asks.

"Yes." I respond and lean over to hug her.

"Oh this makes me so happy!" Madge sighs. "And you're getting married too, and ugh! Everything is just starting to look up for us."

I nod even though I know very well that statement is a load of bull. There was absolutely NO WARNING that this would happen. I'm caught completely off guard by all of this. And like hell things are starting to look up.

"Katniss, I would just love it if you and Peeta would have dinner with us tonight. It's going to be at my house, It'll just be us four." I involuntarily nod my head. "This will just be great." I'd beg to differ.

"Kat," Prim speaks up, "Can I see your ring?" She's practically jumping up and down.

I laugh and hold out my left hand.

Prim gasps, "It's so beautiful Kat."

"It is!" Madge agrees.

Mom just smiles up at me, I mouth a quick 'thank you' before turning my attention back to the girls.

"You know I have to pick my bridal party." Prim's face lightens even more if that's at all possible, "Would you two be my bridesmaids?"

"Of course!" Madge says.

"Yes!" Prim jumps into my arms.

"I have to go actually, but I'll see you and Peeta tonight." Madge hugs me before leaving.

Once she's gone I look back at Prim and Mother, "Are we okay with this?"

"Yes we are." Mom says with a smile.

"Alright." I say not so convinced we're all okay with this. I then prepare for the most painfully silent dinner of my entire life.

Seriously you'd figure a just married couple wouldn't shut up, but since Madge sits next to Gale and both of her parents. Peeta and I must sit as silently as possible. Apparently she was kidding when she said it'd just be us four. Or maybe she meant us four as herself, Gale, and her parents...

The next day isn't so much better, I can only take so much of Effie telling me that, "The wedding will be just so WONDERFUL, with..." Insert minuscule detail here.

I literally cannot stand any of it. And it only gets better when I get home.

"Mom! I'm back!" I shout through the house, my head hurts from all the fonts Effie showed me for the stationary. Who even cares about the font on their goddamned stationary?

"I'm in the kitchen!" She calls back. I slump into one of the chairs and sigh.

"I want to disappear, and never come back." I say, "Five hours of stationary, color palettes, guest lists, and seating arrangements. Tomorrow I get to do it all over again except venues, flowers, and my god she'll probably want to choose his tie."

Mom smiles at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry Precious. I know you never wanted this."

"You've got that right." I cup my face and rub my eyes, "What's for dinner?" I ask.

"Chicken." I look up at her skeptically.

"Really?" I ask surprised.

"We're having some company." She says turning suspiciously back to her cooking.

"Who?" I ask.

"Just a few friends of the family." She shrugs avoiding my question.

"Like who?"

"Peeta's family." Mother says.

"Wait, their whole family?" I ask.

She bites her tongue and looks at me, "Precious... I was at the bakery today and you know, Peeta's father and I were joking about being in-laws, and I kind of just told him we should have dinner with the kids. I just meant him and you two, but his mother walked downstairs and she stared me down. So I said he should bring his wife and sons. I told him for tonight."

"My god."

"Everything will be fine Precious. Just keep your cool."

"You to Mom." I say getting up and out of the room. I head up stairs and shower. I've worn way too many dresses for my liking in the past few months.

I'm ready an hour before dinner and shaking terribly. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have steady hands again. Well, I mean, I have steady hands when I hunt, but that's because I'm not freaking out internally when I hunt.

Mom is fidgeting with Prim's dress when there's a knock at the door. Mom answers it quickly.

"Hi-... Um."

"What is it mom?" I ask.

"Katniss!" Oh lord Jesus.

"Effie." I put on a pained smile, "What are doing here?"

"Oh! I heard you and Peeta were having your families meet today!"

"Our families have met before." Mom mutters beside me.

"So I thought I'd discuss certain 'family matters' while the two of you are together."

"Oh Effie you don't have to."

"My dear Katniss, I know just how grateful you are you don't have to tell me." She steps inside, "My I love, love, love this decorating. Where's your dinning room?"

"Thank you...?" I say "Over here." I take her over to the dinning room where she tells me about a bunch of things I couldn't care less about if I tried.

I hear through the walls that Mom has answered the door. Good god her fake happy tone is almost as bad as mine.

Peeta is the first in the dinning room. I smile and kiss his cheek, "Save me." I whisper before having him look at the table chart Effie has set up.

"Ahh... Hi Effie, I thought we already had the dinner seating chart down." He says in a constrained tone.

"Oh we did, but I thought your families could decide where they sat, and such."

"Well aren't you two comfortable?"

"Shut it Rye!" Peeta laughs.

"Aw why?" Rye asks with a smile. Gram and Rye take their seats when Prim bounds into the room.

"Hey Kat, your hickeys healed quite nicely." She smiles at me in a condescending way. Rye and Gram laugh at this.

"Sit!" I point to a chair at the far end of the table.

She bounds over to her chair where Rye says, "Hey Prim." and high fives her, then proceeds to hand her two quarters.

"Prim!" I gasp.

"What? It was funny, lighten up."

"Have you met me?" I ask, "I never 'lighten up' and you should know that, and don't you dare laugh at me Peeta!"

"I'm not laughing, promise." He smiles and clenches his teeth. I glare playfully at him, "I love you?"

"You better." I say. He kisses my cheek at this.

"Well, I'd hate to break this up." Mrs. Mellark comes into the dinning room, "But if you two would please... Dismount."

We let go of each other immediately. I take my seat next to Peeta when my mom and his dad walk in with the trays of food.

We all begin to eat while Effie explains different ideas she has.

"You know what I think would be absolutely darling? If Peeta's mother got up and gave her personal consent for their wedding."

"Oh Miss. Trinket that won't be happening." Mrs. Mellark says.

"Well maybe you and Katniss could have some other kind of interaction showing how excited you are to have her join the family!"

"But who would be excited to have swine join the family."

"How dare you call my daughter swine!?" Mom demands. I slump down in my chair, preparing for the storm that's coming.

"Well she came from you."

"You can insult me all you want but not my children!" Mom puts down her silver ware. I breath a bit easier, at least she won't pull her knife out.

"Can you really call them your children? Katniss practically raised the little one and what did you do?"

"You shut your mouth!"

"That's right you sat around and cried!"

"I loved him!" Mother stands up with her teeth bared.

"So what? You and your family will always be a disgrace to society whether you like it or not!"

"Martha-"

"No!" Mrs. Mellark silences her husband.

"At least I never hit my children and made them hate me." Mom retaliates.

"Why I never-"

"Of course you did it's no secret! What kind of mother hits her own children?"

"At least I didn't leave my children to starve you little whore!" Rye and Gram cover Prim's ears while she covers her own eyes.

"Oh how rude!" Effie gasps.

"Condescending bitch!" Mom screeches.

"Useless brat!"

"Inconsiderate wretch!" I'm actually afraid they'll claw each other.

"My daughter saved your youngest son from dying and THIS is how you repay her!?"

"Would you repay a pig who saved your useless, weak-link?"

I cover my mouth afraid my jaw will break off.

"How dare you speak about my son-in-law like that!? Your own son!"

"He's a disgrace just like you!" My god they're getting closer to killing each other.

"I'd rather be a disgrace to you than a disgrace to humanity like you!"

"You damned yourself to the hell you're living."

"No, I'm not in hell, I'm happy now."

"Maybe now that your little Seam mutt of a husband is dead."

"You take that back!" Mom demands.

"I'd never take back a comment to a little shit like you or your family."

Effie clears her throat, "That's quite enough-"

"Shut up!" Mrs. Mellark screams.

"You shut up!" Mom shouts.

"You want to get out of here?" I whisper to Peeta.

"At least I never turned to drinking like you!" Mom shouts again.

"Yes please." He takes my hand and I sneak us out of my house. He steers us towards his house. When he's latched the door closed he turns to me. "That was pretty bad." He says.

"I'll laugh about it eventually." I say and let him lead me to the living room. "What's this?" I ask.

"It's something called a music player." He walks over and touches it. "Effie gave it to me so I could practice dancing."

"You want to practice?" I ask.

"I could use a pick me up." He smiles and turns on the music.

My dad taught me to dance a while ago, so for me it's just a matter of remembering. Peeta however has to left feet, that are very heavy.

"Sorry!" He says every time he steps on my feet.

"It's fine." I cringe every time.

I think he's finally gotten the hang of it when I say, "You don't dance much do you?"

"Well my household's not one for dancing." Peeta laughs as he twirls me out.

"Fair enough." Suddenly the music picks up to a faster beat. He scoops me up in his arms and spins around. I clutch his neck and laugh wildly.

"Too much?" He asks when he plants me firmly on my feet.

"Just right." I assure him. I cock my head to the side and kiss him in a way I can't say I mind. I think I even like it.

"Katniss, Peeta." Mom is standing at the door way. "I'm sorry, we're done. You can come on back it's safe. Peeta's dad shows up behind her.

"Dad?"

"Your mother requested I come too." He says sadly.

"I'm sorry Precious." Mom says brushing my hair back.

"It's fine mom." I sigh.

"Thanks for sticking up for me Mrs. Everdeen." Peeta says.

Mom laughs a bit before saying, "Call me mom."

Peeta smirks at the ground, "Thanks, it means a lot." Mom puts her hand on his shoulder and leads us back to my house.

We take our seats again, Prim looks like she's been crying. Gram and Rye look embarrassed, and Effie looks put out. Mrs. Mellark however looks calm and cool. Collected as if nothing had happened, while Peeta and I were gone.

"Well I hope you two haven't been sneaking around to do... Anything regrettable." She lifts her eye brows as she says this.

Effie looks so mad she can hardly talk. Mom and Mrs. Mellark must have said some awful things.

"So Effie, you were talking about the color scheme?" Peeta says taking a sip of his drink.

"I don't think now would be a proper time to talk about that Peeta." She emphasizes the two syllables in Peeta's name so heavily I know she's pissed.

I suck in my lips, "Who wants dessert?" I ask.

"Not hungry." Mom says.

"... I'm tired I think I'll just go to bed." I eventually say.

"You already took my son to bed, slut." Mrs. Mellark mumbles into her drink.

"That's it!" Mother stands abruptly.

"Mother!" I shout and grasp hold of her shoulders. I drag her quite easily out of the dinning room and upstairs. "Calm down!"

"Did you hear that woman?! What she said about both you and Prim."

"Mom this woman is going to be my mother-in-law whether we like it or not. I'm going to go say goodnight to everyone. Please stay up here."

I run back down the stairs into the dinning room, "Prim, go get ready for bed okay?" I ask in my motherly tone.

With tears still staining her delicate cheeks she gets up to leave. I kiss her head and let her leave.

"I think it'd be best if we clear the air a bit and try this again some other time." I say as calmly as I'm able.

"I think that's for the best." Mr. Mellark stands up, "Rye, Gram." The two boys stand up and pat my shoulder reassuringly as they leave.

"Thanks for coming." I say to Mr. Mellark before he exits with Mrs. Mellark in tow.

"Thank you Katniss, thank your mother for the meal, for us."

"I will." I assure him. Effie and Peeta are left in the dinning room.

"Effie, thank you so much for coming out. I'm really sorry about all of this." I step in the dinning room closer to Peeta.

"In all my years I have NEVER seen such a spat. And between two grown women! My friend back home simply won't believe it! And you two are so unfortunate to have these two women as in-laws."

Really? Out of everything we've been through? THAT'S why we're unlucky? Leave it to Effie to sort out priorities.

Ugh, I don't know how those two women had such polite children." Effie's finished packing her things.

"See you tomorrow Effie?" I ask.

"Oh yes, I'll surely see you, and then we can discuss your bridal party. Oh and the cake! So much to plan so little time." She hugs me and finds her own way out.

Peeta shoves his hands into his pockets as he stands to leave,

I stop him for a quick kiss to which he pulls away quickly, "Not right now Kat okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

I huff and make my way upstairs. Mom is comforting Prim by smoothing out her hair.

"It's okay baby girl."

"Why did she call you all those awful things mom?"

"Because sweet girl, there's just some people who are unhappy. She is one of those people." Mom kisses her head.

"You should be asleep little duck." I say and sit on her other side.

"You're still going to marry Peeta, right Kat?"

"Of course I am." I say, "Why?"

"Because.. She... She said so many awful things about you."

"None of those things have an effect on how I feel about Peeta Prim. Now sleep okay? Everything is fine."

Prim nods, Mom and I go to my room. She helps me take my hair out once I've changed.

"I'm sorry Precious. But you fight for the ones you love."

"I know," I say.

She hesitates before she says, "That's why I think you love him, because you fought so hard for him." I turn to look at her, "Get some sleep." She kisses my hair-line and turns off my lights before leaving me.

Goddamn do I love him or not!?

* * *

So after a good few weeks of Peeta avoiding me and Wedding catalogues being shoved down my throat by Effie, I finally find time alone with my soon to be husband.

"So I was thinking Clivias, and Irises in your bouquet Katniss." Effie shows me an image of what she imagines. "And then just a bit of evergreen in them to bring back that Christmas feel. And your bridesmaids will have one Clivia and a few spurts of evergreen"

"That sounds great." I assure her.

"I'll go put in the order right now." She stands up to leave. I look over at a very thoughtful Peeta.

"You're awfully quite." I say. He shrugs, "Usually that's me."

"I know."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." He claims.

"Liar." I say.

He turns and looks at me, "My mother called you a bastard child. Then she tried to tell me she'd disown me if I married you."

"Oh my god." I say.

"Dad said he wouldn't let her just disown me, but it's hard to hear your own mother try and disown you."

I move closer to him, "I can't even imagine... Oh Peeta." I take his hand and kiss his cheek. "I love you." I say.

He smiles sweetly at me, "Thank you." He laughs, "I needed that." I kiss him again because he needs it.

"Everything will fix itself." I say, "As long as our parents are heavily drunk at the wedding." He laughs at this, "I think we'll be good."

"We should have them hang around Haymitch for a while, maybe they'll just get drunk through their pores." I laugh and snuggle deeper into his chest.

"Katniss, do you want golden roses too?" Effie calls from the other room.

"You decide Effie!" I call back. I look into Peeta's eyes, there's something there inside them. Like he knows we'll be alright. And looking into his eyes, I see a world where I'm so endlessly happy I want to live in that world.

Maybe I can, maybe if I decide to let myself love him.


	6. Chapter 6 Sick Days and A Wedding Haze

"Morning Precious" Mom walks into my room when morning comes. I make no noise to alert her of my conscious state, my head pulses as she opens the curtains slightly to let the autumn light into my room. It's truly blinding. I shift in my bed and find myself sore all over.

I begin to wonder what's wrong with me when I scare myself by sneezing into my hands. Oh, that's what's wrong.

"Are you okay precious?" Mom asks coming over to my bed. I groan in response. She lays her hand across my cheek, "You're a bit warm. Are you hungry?" I shake my head no, "Tired?" I nod. "I'll let you sleep in a bit okay?" I nod again and fall back asleep quickly.

I wake up hours later feeling worse than in the morning. I'm sweating and wishing I could actually breathe. My eyes water the moment they open and I get caught in a sneezing fit again.

I can't even recall the last time I was sick... I want to say it was around when I was like ten. Maybe? I don't know, I do know that my throat hurts so bad I can't even swallow my own damned spit.

I hear a knock on the door downstairs, and it hangs painfully in my ears.

"Hi Peeta" Mom answers the door.

"Hi." He says. "Is Katniss ready? We're going to visit Effie for some planning."

"I'm sorry Peeta, I think Katniss is coming down with something. She's upstairs in bed right now." I assume she uses the term 'coming down with something' lightly since I feel like I'm dying.

"Oh, Can I come see her?" Please god no.

"Sure, just be careful I'm not sure if she's contagious or not." Aw damn. Really? I can't get peace awake or asleep?

I close my eyes and feign sleep, with the hope I'll be left alone to wallow in my illness.

"She's been asleep all day" I hear mom whisper entering the room. "I'm sure that with a little stimulating activity she'll feel better." She says before leaving. Yeah well, I don't want to move mom, thanks for asking.

I feel Peeta's cold hands run along my hair-line. I suddenly notice that my feet are stiffly cold but I'm sweating like crazy.

He runs his dry knuckles down to my neck, which feels insanely cringe worthy as his hands are FREEZING.

I feel his presence fleeting and just when I think he'll leave I start sneezing again.

I open my eyes and see him standing close to the door. He smiles pitifully at me before coming back to the bed and placing his hand on my cheek.

"Morning." He says. I sneeze again before he can speak, "Bless you"

"Thank you" I croak. I sound like I swallowed a bucket of razor blades, and have something clogging my sinuses. That sounds absolutely disgusting, I apologize for putting that image in your head.

He leans down to kiss my forehead.

"Don't get too close" I warn, "I don't want you sick too."

He smiles before actually kissing my forehead, "I won't."

"Yeah whatever" I sigh and then cough into my hand as my lungs decide that air is a thing they need.

He pushes some hair behind my ear and I again notice just how freezing his hands are.

"I'm going to call Effie and see if she can come-" I cut him off with a quick sneezing fit.

"Sorry. What?"

"I'll see if Effie can come over for the planning. Your mom says it might be good for you to get up." He finishes.

I don't want to wedding plan today, but I'm not asked if it's alright. He leaves and my mom comes into the room. She feels my cheeks and bites the tip of her tongue in thought.

"Let's get some food in you huh?" Mom rubs my arm and I lazily nod. She takes me to the kitchen and fixes me some soup.

I don't eat much because I'm starving and nauseas at the same time. The feeling is a paradox, and quite annoying.

"Effie will be over in an hour." Peeta walks in and kisses my temple. His hand rubs the curve of my back. The strange thing is it's almost like I can feel his concern channel into my brain with his eyes.

I'm physically shivering to the point I'm sure my body is actually having mini seizures. I feel his apprehension remain when he goes to help my mom clean up.

I get ready lethargically for Effie's arrival, which means being fully clothed. On a normal day this would also mean makeup and hair actually styled, but I'm too weak to do any of these draining tasks. My hands shake too badly and my eyes water too much so even if I tried to put on makeup, I'd probably sneeze and stab my eye out.

I nearly take a nap when Peeta comes and sits next to me on my bed.

"Are you alright?" He asks me.

"Dumb question," I say before coughing and making that gross sound that sick people make when they try to breathe but can't.

"Do you need anything?" He asks me, "I can get you some medicine."

"I think I'd rather die than take medicine." I say even though I do feel like dying. He leads me down stairs before sitting me on the couch. He gets up to prepare my living room for wedding planning.

I sit there coughing and sneezing all while trying to focus on anything else but the fact that I'm sick and still have to plan a wedding.

Peeta sits by me and rubs my back slowly after a particularly revolting round of coughing. I want to fall over and sleep in his lap, but the door bell rings. The sound vibrates in my brain while he answers the door.

"Hi Effie" He says and leads her into the living room. "Thanks for coming out Katniss is really not well." I hope he is using that term lightly.

"Hello Katniss, I heard you weren't feeling well I hope everything's alright" Effie says in a voice more annoying than usual before setting up some of her things, "I've been-"

I cut her off with a sneeze and immediately feel bad about it, "Sorry" I say, god I sound like crap.

"Oh bless you dear."

"Thank you. You were saying?"

"Well, I was just going to say I've been talking to some of my girlfriends, and I think that your bridesmaid dresses should be either red or gold. I mean there's not nearly enough red in your decor. Won't that be lovely?"

"Just wonderful." I say half heartedly. Peeta tries to sit down with me when Effie stands upright.

"Peeta, dear, sit on the opposite end of the couch please. Don't want any germs spreading now do we?" Effie says, and by god I've never wanted to strangle her more.

He stands up and moves to the side opposite of me.

"Now we'll just begin with the-" I'm really going to get annoyed by this quickly. I sound like I'm being gagged every time I cough.

"Sorry." I rasp.

"The venue. Do you want candles to line the aisle? Or would you prefer red rose petals?"

"I don't really care..." I say.

"Candles." Effie jots down. "Now Peeta, for your brothers tuxes, we can-"

Goddamn, "Sorry." I say after wiping my nose with the back of my hand. Effie looks appalled but I don't give a damn.

She talks to Peeta about his brothers suits or something, but I honestly have tuned them out trying to not pass out from exhaustion.

Mom pokes her head into the living room quickly seeing my miserable figure she smiles sadly.

"Now Katniss," Effie says.

"Hm?"

"I think your maid of honor should be wearing gold, and your two others should have red."

"Two?" I ask, Madge, Prim...

"Delly." Peeta speaks up, "Remember I asked you if Delly could be part of the bridal party?"

I look at him for a few second as my brain slowly remembers that conversation, "Oh yeah." I say. "What did you ask me Effie?" I squint as my eyes water against the late afternoon light streaming in.

"Dresses?"

"Right... Ugh... Hold on." I say so I can sneeze for a few seconds, "Um red?"

"Did you even hear me?" Effie asks.

"Yes?" I think I heard her... My head hurts leave me alone. "Um dresses?"

"Dresses." Effie nods.

"Do you want your maid of honor in gold and the other two in red?" Peeta asks me patiently.

"Oh! Sure. That sounds fine." I say before coughing again. "Ugh..." I groan slightly.

We all hear the door open and see Haymitch standing in the door way.

"You look like hell sweetheart." He says gruffly.

"At least someone can say it." I say before sneezing.

"And you sound like hell." He sits down next to Peeta.

"Why are you here exactly?" Peeta asks.

"Trinket told me I'm to walk Sweetheart down the aisle."

"Joy" I sigh, I try to plop my head on my arm... But I kind of miss and hit my face on the couch arm. I must look like an idiot.

"Is she high?" Haymitch asks.

"No she's just sick." Peeta sighs.

"And you're making her wedding plan Trinket? Damn you're cruel" Haymitch scoffs.

"Tell me about it" I moan before coughing so much I think I'm missing a lung.

"Precious." Mom says suddenly by my side, Effie and Peeta are discussing a plans and it's almost like we're not there. The room is considerably darker than I remember it. I must have passed out.

"Huh?"

"You're burning up Precious."

"Really?" I ask as if that fact were obvious.

"Okay." Mom smiles at me, "Um can I interrupt?" She turns around, "Yeah Katniss, is really not well right now. I think we should wrap this up."

Effie packs her things up and says, "Get better quickly dear, we have so much to do."

I sneeze in response to her exit. Can I just cease to exist?

Mom leads a very drunk Haymitch out of the living room. I'd try to stand up but my muscles are so shaky and stiff I can't use them.

Peeta comes over and picks me up. I almost fall asleep in his arms, well that is until I sneeze into his shirt and gasp at myself.

"Sorry, oh god, I'm so sorry." I say quickly.

"Hey don't worry about it." Peeta says laying me in bed. "You're sick it's not your fault." He kisses my forehead and pulls my blankets to my chin. "Get better okay?"

I think that's when I pass out because I don't answer him.

I wake up the next morning (although it's not really morning) to the pounding of cold, harsh winds, slapping the shutters against my window.

I sit up and walk over to lock the window. I'm frozen the moment I step out of bed. And damn it, I'm too weak to lock the window.

I try for, no joke, ten whole minutes, until I give up. I'm completely miserable and unable to perform this simple task.

I end up cocooning myself in bed and coughing until I fall asleep... Because I'm just that pathetic.

When I wake up (for real this time) I hear the wind still violently smacking the house. I try to open my eyes but they throb and water as I try.

Can I just die now please?

"Kat, are you awake?" I hear a calm voice beside me.

"Sadly." I say, I can hardly talk. I have to whisper everything I say.

"Are you hungry?" He asks.

"No" I whisper.

"You haven't eaten since yesterday." He says.

"I'm okay."

"No you aren't."

"So?"

"I'll go tell your mom you're awake." He leaves my side and I can't help but feel like something's missing.

I feel mom's presence before she speaks, "How are we today?" Mom asks running her hand through my hair.

I groan and shake my head. Mom sighs before leaving me alone. I hear Peeta on the phone in the other room.

"I'm really sorry, she can hardly talk... What do you mean?... Because she's my fiancé?... Effie... Yeah... I'll call you tomorrow."

He walks back in with a bowel and another pillow. "Come on Kat." He says setting what he's holding on my bedside table.

I sit myself up so he can place the pillow behind me. I crash down on the pillow, feeling instant fatigue.

He starts trying to feed me but I eventually take the bowel out of his hands. I rattle the bowel with my weakness, I put the bowel down even with his eyes barreling into my soul.

"You only ate half." He says.

"Not hungry." I mumble.

"Kat you've got to eat." I shrug and close my eyes. I can feel my eyes vibrate with over flowing tear ducts. I moan rubbing my eyes to get the tears flowing out. I don't know if you can tell yet... But I hate being sick.

Peeta sighs and takes the bowel out of the room.

Mom walks in close after he's gone.

"Mommy?" I ask in a pitiful strained tone.

"Yes Precious?"

"Can I have medicine?" Yep, it's that bad.

"I'll be back in five minutes Precious." Mom promises before leaving.

Peeta walks in with the phone in his hand minutes later. "No Effie... Seriously?... You're kidding?... But I'm just... What about... And... But... Bye? Wait... Hello?" He looks down at the phone, with the look he's giving right now, I'm sure she must have hung up on him.

"Sorry about that." Peeta says walking towards me. "Effie wants us to go to her place for planning." I'd laugh but it comes out as a gagging sound.

"You should go." I whisper.

"I promised your mom I'd stay until she got back." He says.

"Yeah but Effie waits for no one. I'm sure she'll just run over here and yell about how much time we're wasting. At least if you're there something might get done." I claim.

He feels my burning skin, "I don't want to just leave you." I'm more perplexed by this than I should be. Because he means it. No matter what he truly means this simple phrase. He doesn't just want to leave me, and I don't want him to just leave me.

He'll never leave me, and I'm perfectly happy to know this... Maybe I love him...

"I'll leave when your mom gets back okay?"

I shrug before coughing violently, "Damn." I croak.

"Shh, just relax." He soothes. "Everything will be okay." Is he right? Will everything be okay?

After a few minutes, which feels like agonizing hours, mom is back. Peeta leaves when mom walks into my room. Almost the moment I swallow the putrid medicine I'm unconscious.

* * *

The next few days Effie gets back on track with this wedding business. Do you know how many times I've been asked, "What color do you want the..." Insert random linen I didn't even know existed here.

"Katniss" Effie says to me one day, "Your fitting is today."

"Fitting?"

Effie laughs, "Wedding dresses dear."

Oh sweet Jesus. "Uh..."

"Come on, Cinna has to get your dress perfected back in the Capitol, he's only here for the afternoon."

Effie takes me to a make shift studio where Cinna is working over a drawing pad.

We walk in and I immediately notice the cameras... Everywhere.

"Huh?" I ask.

"Oh, they're going to film a little fashion show so the Capitol citizens can see your different dress options."

"What?"

"Oh don't worry Peeta won't see any of them. It's bad luck for the groom to see the brides dress before the day of the wedding, you know."

"I didn't actually." I say.

Cinna smiles at me and nods to a door that is opened slightly. I race into the room, where I'm excitedly greeted by my prep team. They cake makeup on my face and put all my hair up. They blabber on and on about the kinds of dresses they can see me in.

Once they leave Cinna walks in and lays a pile of dresses out so they are all seen.

"Twenty-four." He says. "And only one is the dress you'll love."

"Can I just put that one on and be done with this then?" I ask with a laugh.

"I'd love to do that, but we can't." Cinna says opening a dress way to big for anything I'd ever think about wearing.

Forced into the endless sea of dress, shoes shoved on my feet, I'm thrown out to have pictures taken from all angles.

This process repeats for the endless mound of dresses. Some have ruffles, others have lace, some have both. There's one dress that's so tight I literally can't walk. A few dresses have red trim for Christmas, one is all lace and nothing else.

Twenty-three dresses down with one to go. Cinna pulls it out and says, "This is the only one I made."

I can feel a small smile curve on my lips. It's long and sleek, not to form fitted. Only a strip of sparkle to start the pleats at the bust of the dress. Off the shoulder long sleeves for the winter feel.

If I am to marry in the Capitol fashion, this is what I'd like to wear. He slips it on me and buttons up the back.

The fabric is light and warm, this is the first time all day that I feel beautiful.

"That's my girl on fire." He says after adjusting the dress around me.

"Thank you." I whisper before hugging him. I step out after announcing that this the last one. Effie starts crying before the flashes of cameras even go off.

"Can I go home now?" I ask with a smile.

Effie chuckles. "Get changed, dear, Peeta needs to try on his suit."

"Does that mean can actually go?" I ask.

"We have three weeks left until the wedding! You need your rest before the big day."

Oh crap, three weeks... Three damned weeks until I do the one thing I swore I'd never do.

* * *

_What? Y'all wanna see her dress? Link is on my profile at the very bottom._


	7. Chapter 7 Wedding Woes and Wonders

**Beware naughty things are ahead...**

So today is my wedding day... I'm not sure if I'm just tired or if this is the calm before the storm, but I'm taking every breath without skipping a beat.

I woke up to Effie squealing nonsense about time, or flowers... I didn't really hear her.

"...Twenty minutes with your prep team exactly! Ten with Cinna and we'll be right on time for the ceremony. Did you catch all that? I don't have time to say it over!"

"I got it Effie." I promise, "Why are we up so early?" I ask seeing it's six.

"The Ceremony is at nine-thirty!" Effie shouts as she leaves my room to prep something else.

I walk into the bathroom but am pushed back out by my prep team. They sit me down and pull out curling irons, makeup, bottomless bottles of hair spray. I have no idea how they can hold all of those things at once, but I must say they have talent.

None of this feels real. I mean my hair and skin, but also this day. I'm assuming I'll just wake up back in my home just a seven-year old again.

What I would kill to have that be the truth. I'm trying so incredibly hard to not think about... That thing that's going today.

Effie runs in to see my prep team's job unsatisfying. By that I mean we're running over schedule.

Cinna has to run in and get me dressed while my team still works on me. On Effie's orders. She then pulls him away to help my bridesmaids while my team can finish my hair.

"I think you're ready darling!" Viena says showing me my reflection.

I look like a bride. I... I look like I'm going to be getting married.

I'm not ready to get married. Even if it's to Peeta, the boy I could never deserve. Marriage is far too radical.

"N-N-No..." I shake my head quickly, "No, I'm not!" I run into the bathroom and lock the door. I begin to hyperventilate. I can't breathe and I can't get married! I can't... I can't and I won't!

I'm so young... I'm too young I just can't do it!

"Katniss!" Effie trills outside the locked door. "Come on dear the limo is here."

"I'm not-... I'm not-... I can't-... No!" I call through the door. Well don't I make perfect logical sense?

"Katniss we don't have time to-"

"I can't" I gasp, "I-... I just can't..." I whisper a soft plea. Hoping she'll hear me beg for my remaining innocence.

"Katniss, come out here this instant!" Effie shouts, "We'll be late."

"Is Katniss ready?" I hear Mom walk in.

"She's being ridiculous! We don't have time for this!"

"Katniss honey?"

"I-... I-..." I can't make words? I'll just stick to breathing really loudly.

"Katniss we're two minutes off schedule! At this rate we won't make the wedding."

"... Fine" I say, "I can't do this! I'm not ready!"

"Katniss we don't have time for this!" Effie shouts.

"Like hell we don't have time for this." Mom says, I can just picture Effie's shocked expression. Though amusing I cannot stop my freak out. "Everyone gets like this, my daughter is no different."

"Of course she is! The entire nation is watching you know."

"Out, I'll be down in five minutes."

"We don't have-"

"Then make time for it." After a few moments Mom comes back to the door, "Precious, they're gone. Will you let me in?"

After gasping for breath I open the door, and quickly fall into my mothers arms. "Mom... I can't do this... I'm not ready, Mom."

Mom leads me back to the bed, not a single tear has been shed. "You love him." Mom says.

"I'm not su-"

"Stop lying to yourself Precious. You love him, more than you are willing to accept. You love him and the only bad thing about love, is the fear of love."

"Mom... I'm afraid."

"My daughter isn't afraid of anything." Mom smiles down at me, "Do you remember that song I used to sing for you?"

"... I only remember dad singing to me." I say.

"I used to sing one lullaby for you. Your dad used to love it so much he sang it for you. It's one of the only things I brought with me when I left town." She shifts me in her arms. "_You're scared little baby, crying in the night. Mommy's here beside you and I'll stay till morning light. Hush-a-bye precious child of mine. Let your eyes be dry, I'll rock you back to sleep tonight._

"_You're crying little baby as the wind whips the willow trees. There's no need to cry, You're safe right here with me. Hush-a-bye precious child of mine. Let your eyes be dry, I'll rock you back to sleep tonight._

"_Though the rain can't hurt you my dear, you're afraid of all there is. I will protect you, keep you safe. Until all is calm as this. Hush-a-bye precious child of mine. Let your eyes be dry, I'll rock you back to sleep tonight._

"_Darkness cannot find you here, child. You are the light and I your hearth, for I'll keep you mild. Hush-a-bye precious child of mine. Let your eyes be dry, I'll rock you back to sleep tonight._

"_Fear not the monsters of your dreams, though real they may seem. When you awake in the morn you'll find that your eyes still have a golden gleam. Hush-a-bye precious child of mine. Let your eyes be dry, I'll rock you back to sleep tonight._

"_Your eyes are falling precious child of mine. Now your eyes are dry, I'll hold you my dear till morning light_." I don't ever remember mom singing this to me. I remember dad singing it to me though.

"You can do this Precious." She kisses my head.

"Okay..." I whisper and stand up. I straighten my dress and face her.

"That's my girl."

Effie knocks swiftly on the door, "We're going to be late."

I look at my mom who smiles at me simply, "I'm ready Effie." I say. Effie opens the door and runs the both of us down to the limo waiting for us.

I twist my hands nervously when Madge pats my arm. I look up into her smiling face. "You're ready for this Katniss. And so is he."

I laugh slightly, "I'm getting married."

"If we aren't late," Effie scoffs.

"I can take a short cut if you prefer." The driver says, "It'll get us past the reporters and we'll be there four minutes earlier." This makes Effie much happier.

We get there earlier than scheduled. I'm ushered into a ready room. There I almost have yet another panic attack, this time Madge comes to my rescue.

"Katniss look at me." She says so I do. "You are the strongest person I've ever had the privilege of knowing. You can kick marriage in the butt, don't prove me wrong."

I hold onto her neck. "You're shaking."

"I'm freaking out." I say when I pull away. Delly walks up and puts her hand on my back.

"He's waiting." She says handing me my bouquet. "You can do this."

I sure as hell hope they're right. I make my way to Effie who places me in the exact perfect spot.

I feel like I'm going to run away again. Until I feel Haymitch link arms with me.

"You gonna be sick?" He asks. I shake my head no, he laughs "You sure sweetheart? You going to pass out or what? I'd love to see princess react to that."

"I'm fine." I snap.

"Places everyone!" Effie calls. My god this is happening. I lick my lips anxiously, I'm so afraid. Everyone else walks in ahead of me, it's like they WANT me to run away. I mean it would make good television but still that's cruel.

Then the music changes. I tense up knowing I'm to walk in, Haymitch nudges me, my feet move before I can stop them to turn in the other direction.

I feel like my eyes suddenly open when they find a pair of crisp blue eyes. Eyes I haven't had the chance to see since arriving in the Capitol last week.

I find I've missed their kindness, I've missed the love they have in them. I've missed him... Really? I've missed him?

Is mom right, am I... My brain needs to shut up, if I stop hearing logic and just feel for one goddamned day in my life I'll know for sure.

But my mind isn't off for more than three seconds when I know I love him. I reach the altar in those three seconds, his hand touches mine in those three seconds. My stomach tickles on the inside.

I love him, I just can't think and feel at the same time. I can finally let go of my pent-up breath and smile. I can finally smile sincerely.

I can't hear the man talking about the strength of love. I can't hear because my heart is screaming at me. Telling me I'm stupid for having to take a year to recognize that I have a heart.

Or maybe that's the blood pumping in my ears I can't tell which. "In the words of a once great leader, 'love is our stronghold, without it we have nothing.' These two now have love." How right he is.

"Peeta, do you take Katniss Everdeen to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

"I do" He says without a trace of doubt or fear.

"Katniss, do you take Peeta Mellark to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold until death do you part?"

I take a deep breath and crack a smile. His eyes are the thing pulling me through. So much hope and love, two things I need more of in my life. "Yes... I mean I do." Peeta chuckles at my slip up but I'm sure Effie had a heart attack.

"Then I pronounce you husband and wife, Peeta."

"Hm?"

"Kiss your bride." He looks at me with the goofiest smile I've ever seen on. He takes my face softly before kissing me. I've missed the feel of his lips on mine. I've missed that little jump my stomach does when he kisses me.

How was I so stupid? How am I still so stupid?

"I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Mellark." Oh that's why, I may love him but marriage still scares the crap out of me.

I'm not ready for marriage... Speaking of which I'm also far from ready for the other part of my deal with Snow. Babies, not happening.

I'm not ready for things like babies and sex... Oh FUCK! I forgot about the sex part!

I run back down the aisle Peeta pulling me along behind him.

My god I've never been so nervous... Wait, no, I take that back I have been this nervous before but that doesn't make it better.

Effie ushers Peeta and I into a car where we're driven off to take pictures. Peeta starts kissing every inch of my face before I can protest.

"Peeta-" I try getting him off me, "Peeta-" I look to see Effie and Haymitch holding back laughter, "Peeta!"

"Hm?" He asks pulling away with a smile.

"Later okay," I say gesturing to our mentor.

"Oh... Right." He says, his hands still on my hips he slips down off of me. The rest of the ride Effie fixes my hair and makeup as Peeta has smeared it all along my face. I feel embarrassed even as he can't stop smiling and laughing.

He doesn't stop smiling and laughing the whole time we take pictures. During the entirety of the reception he holds me. He smiles and laughs, he clearly can't be any happier if he tried.

I however am having a mental freak out as I can't stop thinking about how we'll be having sex tonight.

So how on Earth did I survive my Wedding? Pft, I have no literal clue. But now I'm laying on my wedding bed.

My eyes still traced with makeup, my hair damp from my shower, my heart pounding in my chest. Only one thought runs through my brain as Peeta takes a shower. I will be having sex tonight, and I must have a baby.

I can't possibly be ready for that, I'm only seventeen for crying out loud. I heard the shower stop, and my breathing intensifies. I feel sweat accumulate on my palms.

I'm so entirely afraid.

My knees clang together and seem like they'll never separate. I hear the bathroom door open, so I put a smile on my face. He stands in the doorway shirtless and beautiful, I can't hate him more for being so endearing.

He smiles back at me, his smile stretched so wide it wrinkles the skin.

"What are you smiling at?" He asks before towering over me. His strong wet arms locking my body in an unknown prison.

"You." I say simply putting my hands on the back of his neck. He leans down and kisses my lips softly. Every intention for sex still hangs over my head, so I do not pull away from him.

His enjoyment is plain in his kisses, he wants this, and I have to let him have it. I take off my night-shirt without thinking, but my legs do not move.

I think he's undressed, but the lights are off and my fear is the strongest asset I have.

"Kat, " He whispers.

"Yes?"

"You have to move your legs." He laughs at me. Actually laughs at me.

"Keep a secret?" I ask with a faltering voice, "I-... I've never even touched myself before... I don't know how this works..."

"It's okay," He soothes, "Everything will be okay, just tell me if I hurt you okay?"

"Okay," I whisper as I move my legs for him.

And you know what, he did hurt me, I just didn't tell him. He rolls off of me our breath in sync. I feel the throbbing pain and wonder if I am bleeding.

He turns away, I figure to sleep. So I stand, but walking feels odd. Almost like I'm sore, that's a frightening thought.

I make it into the bathroom, and close the door tightly. Once the light is on I can see the blood. I've heard it's normal to bleed, but this is terrifying.

It feels so wrong, like I shouldn't have done what I just did. I feel so lost.

"Kat?" I hear the door open, before I can shout at him to not come in, he's standing in the door way. "Kat, what happened?" He asks coming closer.

"... I..."

"I told you to tell me if I hurt you." He takes me up in his arms, completely concerned.

"It's normal..." I say. "It's normal."

"No, I don't want to hurt you, do you understand me? If I hurt you... You just tell me alright?"

"Alright." But I lied then. To be honest to that word, I'd have to tell him to stop being incredible, so I could stop hurting so much for not wanting him.

* * *

I'm not sure if that's an actually published song or not, but this was my lullaby from when I was a kid... So copyright my family? If this is an actual song tell me please? Thanks dear.


	8. Chapter 8 Meet the Parents

I tremble now, sitting in the bathroom of mine and Peeta's shared home. It's nine in the morning, he's at work, Mom is here she'll be giving me my first pregnancy test. God I hope everything works out.

"Are you ready?" She asks.

"Yes..."

"You know if you aren't in trouble for another few days, we don't have to do this, it's completely normal for your period to be a few days late after having sex for the first time."

"I have to try mom..."

"You've always been irregular, don't be afraid yet."

"Too late."

"Oh, Precious..."

"So what do I do after..."

"Wait five minutes."

"Five!?"

"Yes." I took a deep breath and took the test. "I highly doubt you're pregnant Precious."

"Me too, but just to make sure."

"These things take time." Mom says.

"I don't have time mom, I have six months."

She looked down at me and kissed my head, "You know when I turned eighteen I decided I never wanted children."

I looked at her quizzically. "You?"

"Yeah, I told your father, absolutely under no circumstances did I want children. And you know what he said?"

"Hm?"

"He said, Alright."

"Really?"

"Yes, he told me that he didn't need a baby if he had me. So for ten years we lived without children. And then I found out I was having a baby."

"Me?"

"No."

"What?"

"I told your father I still wasn't ready for a baby. I told him I was scared, and that I couldn't handle it."

"So what did you do?"

"Well, I cried, for a long time. And then I miscarried. We have a long history of miscarriages in this family. No one was more devastated than me."

"But I thought-"

"When you have a life inside of you, you're so afraid for it, you lose touch on the reality of the situation. I realized I wasn't getting any younger and that I wanted a baby with your father. And then I found out I was having you. I was much more excited than afraid this time around. And to this day I am glad you were my first-born."

"I don't have ten years to spare mom."

"I know, but you have six months."

"Should I check?"

"One line is negative, two is positive."

One line, "Negative." I inform my mom.

"Well keep your chin up Precious." Mom says holding me close. "I'll get rid of it for you."

"Thanks mom." She kisses my head before heading out to another appointment. I go on out to hunt for the rest of the day. Upon coming home I can tell Peeta's home and cooking.

"Hi Kat," He says kissing my cheek as I enter the kitchen. "Welcome home."

I take him and kiss his neck repeatedly, smiling as his skin tickles from my lips. The safety and pure love he can make me feel is undeniable. Even though all I can think about is having a baby.

"Wait until after dinner maybe?" He laughs putting his hands on my hips.

"Maybe," I whisper into his ear.

"Maybe," He agrees propping me up on the counter and leaving me there. I lean back on my hands and watch him cook for a moment before he laughs, "Now you're just trying aren't you!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I respond before throwing my dad's hunting jacket back into the other room.

"Really?"

"Really," I smirk getting off the counter. I walk around the kitchen and set the table.

"You are totally trying, and it's working." He says coming up behind me kissing my jaw line. I turn to face him.

"You keep on thinking that." I say walking out of his grasp. He laughs. "You know most girls wouldn't try to stop me from kissing them."

"I'm not most girls honey, I thought you knew that." I wink leaving the room. I pick up my dad's jacket and put it up on the pegs for our coats.

I take off my hunting boots and just as I stand up Peeta walks in. He gets me down on the couch and kisses me with thick passion. He holds me down to the couch just to taste my lips.

"What about dinner?" I ask when he pulls back for air.

"I turned it on low." He smiles slyly.

"Yeah?" I ask sarcastically.

"It'll be quick," He promises.

"Not too quick." I tell him.

"Not to quick then." He laughs picking me up and taking me away to our bedroom.

For the next four months all I see is that one line. One line every time, and every time I get my husband to take me to bed. I've been trying as hard as I can, I don't know why I can't seem to get pregnant. It isn't that hard for most other couples.

I have to be pregnant, and soon. I have two months until the Quarter Quell. The announcement is tonight. I don't even want to know what will happen if I can't conceive.

We all sit in our living room. I'm nestled into Peeta's chest my feet pulled tightly to my body. Mom and Prim sit on the couch together, Prim nervously rubs her hands together.

As the program begins, Peeta's arms tighten around me, his breath right on the back of my neck.

"Hello, Panem." Snow says standing in the square of the Capitol. "I am very pleased to announce this years Quarter Quell."

A smiling child walks forward with the Quell envelope on a velvet pillow handing it to the President.

He unfolded it slowly for suspense, "In order to remind the districts that the dark days took away more than just brothers, sisters, and children. This year only those who are parents or going to become parents, will be entered into the reaping bowel." The breath is knocked clean out of my body cavity.

"Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor." I sit awestruck as Caesar begins to talk to the game makers this year.

My stomach churns, my mind races. How could they do this? What even is this lunacy?

And then I realize why I shouldn't be so shocked. Snow said he'd keep my sister safe, and with this Quell she will surely be excluded. I'm also supposed to be pregnant at the moment, I'm supposed to be in these games.

"I'll be back." Peeta says running from my side. Does he know that I may be and should be pregnant? Is that why he's running?

I suddenly notice the presence of my now fearless looking mother. Our parents... They'll be entered.

Then it hits me even if I'm not pregnant and cannot be entered into these games, my mother will be. A win, win for Snow. As promised He's granted safety to my sister but he never said anything about keeping my mother safe.


	9. Chapter 9 A Little Bit Busy

I watch as Peeta makes his way down the street for the bakery. I wring my hands trying to not think about being pregnant... Maybe. I'm afraid that this time I really might be.

I just don't know if I can handle this. I just don't know. Could I really go into the arena a second time? Could I knowingly condemn my own mother to the hands of the arena?

I hate myself for the stupid deal I made with Snow, I hate myself for putting everyone through this. Of course how do I know that this Quell wasn't just a coincidence?

In two days the cameras will be here to film the district. The Capitol is sending doctors here to test every woman from age twelve and beyond for any sign of pregnancy.

The more children you have the more times your name is put in, and the amount of their years add to your slips as well. I can't help but pity Hazel for this misfortune.

They say that for pregnant mothers the length of your pregnancy is a factor to how many times they'll put your name in. Weeks if early enough, months if far enough.

I pace the entirety of my home where is my mother? She was supposed to be here. Where is she?

I think back to the night of the announcement, how Peeta slipped into bed just to hold me. It was midnight his eyes were red from tears. How could I have forgotten about his parents? His father would be entered. I held him to my chest, I kissed his head and told him everything would be okay. Something he believed even though it was something I could not guarantee.

I hear the door open and I rush over to the main hall, "Mom" I sigh when she finally walks inside.

"Sorry I'm late Precious. I was held up."

"Why?"

"A lot of... Miscarriages. A lot of would be moms won't make it through the night." I nod after sucking in air. "You know what to do Precious." She says leading me up the stairs, "I'll be here the whole time."

"Okay." I respond before taking the test. "Five minutes?" I ask once I place it in the sink.

"Yes," Mom sighs sitting on the edge of the bath.

"Oh god what if I am?" I ask worried.

"Are you late?"

"I got my period three weeks ago, I'm not due yet." I say.

"Any other symptoms?"

"General fatigue, lightheaded..."

"There are safe ways to terminate a pregnancy Precious. I can get something-"

"Oh you know I could never do that mom. Not to my kid. Not if I'm really having a baby."

She looks at me sadly, "I know Precious. I know."

"What am I going to do? What's going to happen?" I ask.

"I can't answer that."

I've paced the whole of the bathroom now. "How long?"

"It's only been a minute and a half." Mom says.

"Damn." I whisper.

"Kat, are you in here?" Peeta walks into the bathroom, just what I need. He looks at my mom and then to me. "Kat what's up?"

"I thought you were at work." I gasp.

"I was, I came back for my break... Are you alright? Is something wrong?" He asks pulling me to him. I find the concern in his tone contradicting and I can't speak for a brief moment, "Kat?"

"I think I might be pregnant." I say quickly and sit down next to my mom who brushes my hair back to comfort me. "Oh god." I sigh cupping my face.

I feel him sit next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He kisses my forehead and whispers something I cannot hear.

I let the silence rest in my ears for hours until I hear mom pop my bubble of fear.

"Precious. Five minutes." She says, I stand up, instantly feeling sick. I walk to the sink and breathe deeply. "Two lines means you're pregnant. One means you're not."

I close my eyes and lean over the sink for a moment. I allow my eyes to linger on the one line before searching for a second.

"One line." I sigh with a small smile.

I hear the smile melt onto my mom's face. She holds me to her chest rocking me back and forth. Even though this means she'll be going into the arena I know why she does this.

"My baby." She whispers to me. Her baby is safe. She pulls back and looks at me, "See nothing to be afraid of, huh? What I tell you? A few days are not anything to be worried about." My mom is a damn good liar. At least I think she is.

I say nothing in jeopardy of saying something, I don't know, stupid?

"Why don't we go have some lunch, I've got a full schedule to attend to." She leads me down the stairs and starts cooking with Peeta.

Mom eventually leaves for work, Peeta and I are alone. I smile at him even though I'm hurt I won't be able to save my mom.

He walks to me and hugs me. I look up and kiss his neck, as it's the only thing I can reach.

"I'll see you tonight okay?" He says before leaving me alone. I go out and hunt after that, but I'm so distracted I come back early. Feeling useless I resort to cleaning, like actually cleaning. I feel extreme guilt and sadness but I don't know how else to transfer those feelings.

Peeta comes home earlier than expected. I run to the door and wrap my arms around him.

"You're home early." He says to me.

"Same to you." I look up at him. He looks disappointed almost upset, "What is it?"

"What is what?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Nothing?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying to me?"

"... No" His hesitation catches my attention so I raise a brow toward him, "I'm fine Kat." He assures me with a kiss. Even this kiss seems hesitant.

"You can tell me." I say when he pulls back.

"Nothing's wrong." He says letting go of me. "What do you want for dinner?" He asks walking past me.

I don't answer instead I stare out the window at a figure running toward our house.

"Kat?" Again I don't answer him I instead run outside to meet the figure halfway.

She's crying heavy tears when my arms take hold of her, "What's wrong?" I ask brushing her hair from her face. "Tell me what's happened." She sobs into my chest more, "Madge tell me what's happened."

Peeta's run out to help me now.

I question her again, "Madge-"

"I'm pregnant." She says.

"Oh Madge-"

"Katniss, you have to go help Gale,"

"What? Why?" I ask transferring Madge from my arms to Peeta's.

"He's in town square, hurry, please." I look at Peeta quickly.

"Take care of her." I say.

"Go." He says helping her inside. I bolt down the road and through the barren town streets. When I reach the square I can only see Gale bleeding in the square. I break through the crowd, but I'm too late to stop the assault on him.

The crowd has already begun to disperse when I reach him, "What the hell Gale? What did you do?" He doesn't say a word. "Gale? Can you hear me?" I hear a painful sigh. I take that as a yes.

My mother and Prim are by my side in an instant. "We'll need help." She says before running off.

Hazel is right there as my mom left. "You stupid boy." She sighs, tears stick in her eyes.

"Hazel what happened?" I ask but no one answers me. Mom returns with two men who help get Gale to mine and Peeta's home where mom can start to treat him. Being unable to watch them work on his wounds, I run upstairs in search of my husband and friend.

I find them sitting in the bathroom conjoined to mine and Peeta's bedroom.

"It's alright Madge." Peeta says to calm her. "Everything will be okay." He looks up and spots me immediately.

Madge turns around and sees me, "Katniss! Is everything okay?"

Without thinking I start talking, "He's downstairs." She runs passed me leaving me alone with Peeta.

"Madge told me everything." He stands up.

"Well then can someone tell me what's happening?" He sighs and doesn't meet my eyes, "Peeta, what aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing Kat, I promise."

"Liar," I say angrily, "What is up with you and everyone?"

"Kat, I promise you everything is okay."

"Really? Because my best friend is downstairs bleeding because he was beat."

"Kat-"

"What in hell is happening?" I'm both curious and now afraid. He doesn't answer me, "Peeta-" He cuts me off by kissing me I fight against his hold until he let's me go.

"Just let me keep you safe alright?"

"What does that mean?" I ask. He tries to leave but I don't let him, "This isn't funny, tell me what's happening."

"I know it's not, just trust me alright?"

"Peeta!" Someone calls from downstairs.

"I'll be back alright?" He leaves swiftly. I walk back into our bedroom and take a seat on our bed. What am I not allowed to know about? What happened with all of this? Is something going to happen?

For a while I sit upstairs alone, I hear faint whispers every now and then. Otherwise the house feels empty. I feel like I'm not allowed downstairs, so eventually I crawl out my window and sit on the roof for some fresh air. I watch as the sky silently reveals stars.

I have so many questions now, why won't anyone answer any of my questions? Clearly this is bigger than I can imagine, but why can't I know?

Eventually the warm spring breeze, and the dark sheet of night sends me to sleep.

I'm jolted awake in the morning by someone shouting my name.

"Huh?" I call out sitting up on the balls of my feet. My mom stands bellow me on the ground.

"Where have you been? We've all been looking everywhere for you!"

"Well I thought I might as well get some fresh air while everyone was planning things I'm not supposed to know about." I responded.

"Get down here now!" She called back up to me, "I've got to go and get everyone now." She storms back inside. I laugh slightly, it's funny how they want me uninformed but you know just sitting there waiting in the wings for further instruction like I'm some helpless kid.

I jump back through the window I'd left open and walk downstairs.

"Do you have any idea how terrified we all were?" Mom asks when I walk into the kitchen.

"What did you think happened? That I just ran away?" She half glares half smiles at me.

"Everyone is going to get here and they're all going to be much more angry than me. Just you wait."

"I think I'll do that on the roof then." I reply but she grabs my hand.

"No, you won't, Peeta said you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday. You're going to sit here and eat something."

"Wow my husband sure is a tattletale." I roll my eyes playfully.

"Sit." She says, and forces me into a chair. "I'll be back soon." I get to eat in silence for only a few moments when the door is almost broken down. A startlingly sober Haymitch steps inside.

"What the Hell, Sweetheart?"

"Morning to you too." I contradict.

"I should kick your ass right now, for all the trouble you've just caused everyone."

"Sorry I wanted to stay out-of-the-way, clearly you all are planning something I shouldn't know anything about."

"This has nothing to do with that!"

"Oh Hell Haymitch-" I'm cut off by someone else entering the house. Hazel has rushed inside.

"Oh thank Jesus." She sighs.

"Hazel what's going on why is everyone freaking out?" I ask her.

"Oh Katniss, don't ever scare us like that ever again." She says to me before hugging my face to her chest. "Do you hear me? Don't do that ever again."

"Do what?" I ask but she pulls back and walks into the dinning room where we have Gale laid out. Next to run in is Prim and Madge together. They too, grip at me and silently cry into my shoulders. "What did I do?" I ask.

"You know very well what you did." Haymitch said still angry with me. The two girls let go of my neck and exited the kitchen.

"No I really don't." I say.

"Listen Sweetheart, you need to stay right where we can keep an eye on you."

"Why?" I demand, "Is there something wrong with me? Am I sick or something? Have I been tested for radioactivity? What is it?"

"Just stay calm, and stay away from trouble."

"What is trouble?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Why?"

"Just shut up and be patient, we've got this covered."

"I am not a patient person Haymitch. Seriously what aren't you telling me?"

"Only what you can't know, it's taken us this long to get our act together and you're going to ruin it before it begins!" He snarls and grips my shoulders, "You will not be alone anymore, got it?"

"B-"

"Got it?"

I didn't want to give up, but I had no choice. He and I are both stubborn as hell, if I ever wanted peace to myself again, I'd have to be the one to drop it, "Fine." I slumped back into my chair further.

"I've got the boy keeping a close eye on you. Don't screw up anymore alright?" I roll my eyes but do not answer, "Alright?"

"I said fine!" I tell him angrily.

"You've got another thing coming if you think you'll get by with that mouth on you." He threatens.

I'd have retaliated but I couldn't think of anything to say so I turn back to my half eaten plate. Mom walks in once I've resumed eating.

"Peeta's gone back to the bakery, he'll be over later." She says, "Hazel wants to move Gale back to his home tonight." She directs to Haymitch.

"Why are you telling me?" He asks.

"Because you refuse to tell me why it's so damn crucial that my kid stays constantly supervised. Therefore you'll have to watch her until her husband comes home."

"Well won't this be terrible." I sigh. And it truly was, an angry and sober Haymitch staring at me for an hour and a half made my skin crawl.

I just keep thinking that my husband is really slow. The moment he comes through the door and rushes into the kitchen.

He kisses every inch of my face, I don't question him. I've asked so many questions and none have been answered. I know even he won't answer me.

"Everything's okay," He whispers, "You're okay."

"I guessed." I say but he doesn't laugh.

"You've got a handle on her kid?" Haymitch asks.

"Yeah, thanks Haymitch." Peeta says so he can retreat from our home, "You had me so worried." He says breathlessly picking me up, "Don't scare me like that ever again okay?"

"Alright." I say though I still don't know why I frightened him so badly. "Check the roof first next time okay?" I say sarcastically.

He looks down at me a small smile present, "I'll lock every window in this house so help me god." I try not to laugh at him with minimal success, "I'll make dinner, sit down okay?"

I let him take care of me for a bit, just so he can lower his stress level. From the looks of him I thought me might have fainted if I didn't help him relax.

We were settling into bed when he spoke up again. This time it was out of the blue, "Kat?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking about this for a while now, and we don't have to think about this right away. I know it's only been a couple of months, but I think we should talk about it seriously."

"What is it?"

"Have you been taking birth control?"

"Why?"

"Because, I think we should talk about having children."

Oh shit, "Not now, not with the-"

"Oh no, of course not now. I didn't mean right now. I was just wondering if you'd like to have kids."

No, never, not even the slightest. Not in a million years, no. Hell no, "Yes."

"Really?" He questions.

"If they're yours."

"Why?"

"Because you'll love them for the both of us."

"You'd love a baby just as much, if not more, than you love Prim, Kat. That's what I love about you." Oh God, "So you really want a baby?" He seems so hopeful. Like he can finally have every dream he's ever had. I'm the only problematic part of his dream.

"Yeah." I say. He leans over and kisses me.

"When do you want to start? You know trying?"

"After the Quell?" I ask.

"Okay." He chuckles slightly, "We're going to make a beautiful baby together." He says kissing me again.

I nod, yes we are. We are going to make a beautiful baby, and it needs to be fast.

In the morning Peeta and I rush to get out of the house and make it to the makeshift clinic, where every girl from the tender age of twelve all the way up to the women in their sixties.

Peeta technically isn't allowed to come with me, as if I am pregnant they'll take a paternity test to see who the father is. I already know I'm not having a baby, but the Capitol doesn't and they want to film everything. In fact when I get to the clinic (that's really just a giant tent) I send him back to the bakery. I assure him I'm fine on my own before walking away.

I find Prim in little time. She sits with all of her friends who clutch one another's hands. Nervous, even though none of them have even had sex... Or shouldn't have had sex.

"Kat," She hugs my neck tightly.

"Don't be nervous Prim. You'll be okay."

"But what about you? What if you're-"

"Shh Prim it's okay."

"You know they'll make you if you are." She persists.

"Everything will be okay. Where's mom?"

"She's with Hazel, over there." She points me in the direction of our mom.

"Mom," I whisper when I reach her.

"Hi Precious." She whispers solemnly.

"I'm sorry mom." I tell her for the first time.

"Precious look at me." I pull back from her, "All a mother ever wants is for her babies to be safe. You and Prim are safe. That's all I care about. Alright?" I sigh and hug her neck again. "Go back with your age group Precious." She says sending me away. As I pass by the designated waiting areas I see women of all ages. Some so swollen with pregnancy they look like they'll give birth any moment. Some women who look fearful and even some who look hopeful.

When I reach the group of seventeen year olds I see a few groups, like always at school. There's the girls from the Merchant part of town, all huddled together comforting one another. Though they are normally the ones who have nothing to fear, there are always rumors about the easy girls.

Then there are the Seam girls spaced out more than the Merchant girls. Some of them I know have been with Cray before. Though Cray is gone now, some of the other Peacekeepers, the ones who've lived here longer, still carry out the trade.

Then there's the group of girls who had to drop out of school to help take care of their families, the girls who honestly can't afford to be pregnant.

And then there sits two girls I know well. Madge and Delly.

"Katniss," Delly waves me over. I sit next to her and receive a tight hug.

"How are you Katniss?" Madge asks me.

"Nervous." I say with a slight chuckle.

"Aren't we all?" Delly asks, both Madge and I turn and stare at her, "What?"

"You? Of all people nervous about this?" Madge asks

"Well yeah." Delly shrugged.

"Why? You are the most innocent girl in our grade." I tell her.

"Doesn't mean I can't be nervous." Delly blushed.

"Um, yes it does." Madge says.

"What do you think there was an immaculate conception and you ended up pregnant? That's not how life works Delly." I smile.

She laughs a bit, "I guess you're right." She admits as a doctor walked over to our area, a camera man sweeping by.

"Alright girls we'll take you in one at a time for testing." The doctor said. She called out by last name, Delly left Madge and I quickly.

"How far along are you?" I ask her.

"I can't be more than a couple of weeks." Madge sighs sadly running her thumb along her stomach. "Thanks for not telling Delly." She hugs me.

"No problem." I assure her.

"You know I never thought I'd end up pregnant... But now I really hope that I'm not reaped. Because if I'm not reaped, then I'll get to be a mom." She smiles slightly.

"You'll make a great mom Madge." I assure her. She'll at least be a better mom than I'll ever be.

"And you'll be its aunt."

"I'm not so sure I'd be good at that." I say.

"You're both mine and Gales best friend. You will make a terrific aunt Katniss." Madge is called away before the conversation can press further.

I guess it must have leaked that I would be here, as the camera crews seem to linger by the seventeen year olds.

I'm finally called to follow the doctor. And apparently that means it's time for me to be swarmed with camera's and reporters. People shouting questions I can't even understand as I'm led to one of the makeshift beds.

The doctor has blood drawn, and then she has me lay on my back so she can examine me. All in all it is an awful experience. And now the entire Capitol has seen more of me than I'd have ever imagined they'd see.

I'm not pregnant, not that I'm surprised. I'm allowed to leave then. I practically run home. I know he'll be sitting at our breakfast table waiting to hear we are free from a reaping. And now able to 'start' trying for a baby. He'll be so undeniably happy, I'll hurt from it.

When I swing open the door no one comes to greet me.

"Hello?" I call out. "Peeta?" I walk further through our house.

"He's not here." I turn and see Snow sitting in my living room. I hear the front door closes behind me, "Come here Mrs. Mellark." I walk only an inch closer, "You know why I'm here I presume?"

"I can only guess." I respond.

He holds up a little device, "Every woman in district twelve who's been tested is now in this device. Including those friends of yours Madge and Delly. And that sweet little Primrose." I'm silent, "And of course, you are."

I dare to look him in the eye, "We had a deal Mrs. Mellark. I gave you a year, and you did not hold up your end of the bargain." I remain silent, "Well? Are you going to defend yourself?"

"Ten months." I say without thinking.

"Excuse me?"

"It's been ten months since our agreement. I have two months left." I'm walking on thin ice, I know this well. But what choice do I have? He could easily pick anyone of my friends by hand for this years reaping. And this is a weak defense. It's all I have though.

"I suppose that's true, but the people have wanted you pregnant for months now. You can't just deprive the people of what they want."

"Tell that to my uterus." I dare to scoff. He shoots me a look as if mentally telling me to simmer down or I may boil over his level of patience.

"You better hope that you're pregnant before you leave the Capitol this year. Otherwise you may find yourself in a terrible predicament." He walks past me. Stuck to the floor, I don't move for a good couple of minutes. When I do move it's to sit down on the couch.

"Kat!?" I hear Peeta enter the house. I paint a smile on my face and run into his arms. "How'd it go?" He asks. I only kiss him in response.

"Not pregnant." I say and kiss him again. I kiss his cheeks and his nose and his jaw.

"It's a little early to start trying don't you think?" He laughs.

"Practice makes perfect." I claim. "Reaping is at the end of the week, and then we'll be in the Capitol with no time to ourselves. Then when we get home, we'll be miserable for a good few months. Let's just be happy together while we can." He seems to like that idea very, very much. As for the rest of the week... We're a little bit busy...


	10. Chapter 10 Pain of the Game

The morning of the reaping I'm sick to my stomach. Peeta wakes me up by kissing my temple, "It's time to get up." He tells me gentle.

"Can't I just lay here and die slowly instead? That'd be much easier."

He brushes stray hair from my eyes, "No, get up." I toss the covers off our bed but don't move for a few seconds. It's like my whole body even knows what's going to happen. My head aches from a sleepless night, my back hurts from all the positions I tried to find comfortable.

My only thoughts last night were about how my mother will end up fighting for her life, against people who have children. People just like her. Who knows, maybe even a pregnant woman will be reaped.

That thought makes my stomach lurch as I sit up. The guilt settles inside me as I shower, I can't believe my mom will have to do this. Could she have the heart to kill? Could she afford not having the heart to kill?

I take my time dressing and walking down the stairs. Peeta is standing in the kitchen finishing up breakfast.

It looks amazing, but I can't eat. Hell I can't even begin to think about myself. Not when so many mothers and fathers are saying what may very well be their final goodbyes to their children.

"You hungry?" He asks.

I shake my head no, "I'll be fine." I say.

"Kat," He sighs walking over to me, "I'm not going to let you leave if you don't eat." He says rubbing my arms.

"That's more of a reason not to eat." I did not mean to say that out loud.

He gives me a firm look saying he won't move on the subject. If only he knew what I did. If only he knew that my mother has a death sentence stamped on her forehead. And it's all my fault.

He gets me to sit at the table but I don't eat much. "Kat?"

"What if it's Madge?" I ask suddenly, out loud, and without thinking.

"What?"

"I mean last year Prim had her name in there once. Madge has hers in five... What if it's her? Or Gale?"

Peeta sighs, "Kat, my parents have their names in 60 times each. And there are so many people with more slips then that." My mom has 30. But she'll be picked. I made sure of that ten months ago. I'll never forgive myself for it.

Effie comes by early, with a drunken Haymitch in tow. We follow side by side with Haymitch.

He smells particularly putrid today, "Did you bathe?" I ask. He glares at me, "What? You smell vile!"

"Thank you Katniss, I knew someone had an idea of personal hygiene." Effie eyes Haymitch.

"What are you looking at Princess?"

"Your gait." She says.

"My what?"

"She's making sure you're stable with walking. Whereas I'm just hoping you don't dive-bomb off the stage again!" I explain to him plainly. We reach the town square. Normally the children would divide into age groups, but given the circumstances, people stand where ever they wish.

The reaping begins all too quickly. The Victors are introduced, the Mayor gives a speech, The Capitol video is played. Now the names will be drawn.

I can't listen, I flat-out refuse to listen. I just stare blankly into the crowd. My mother walks up on the stage, just as I'd always known. Peeta's hand lifts to rub my shoulder, but I nudge him off me.

"Everdeen is quite a popular last name. Last year little Primrose and then of course Katniss over there. You must be the mother."

"Yes"

"Well isn't that just marvelous." Shut the fuck up Effie. A man from the Seam is called up to join my mother. I don't know him personally, but I know of him.

His oldest daughter stands in the front of the crowd heavily pregnant and averting her gaze from the stage, next to her the man's wife sobs silently. They have six children together. And now he may never see them again.

I'm surprised I don't throw up on the way to the Justice building. I sit in the main hall where we're to wait for our newest tributes to meet with their families. Peeta sits beside me, "Kat-"

"Don't" I say sharply. He lays his hand on my shoulder and kisses my jaw for comfort. But I stand up and pace the floor instead. I just don't want to feel anything anymore. Not pain, not guilt, not fear. I just don't want to feel anymore.

I knew this would happen, I knew this would happen and I let it. What kind of daughter allows something like this to happen?

After what feels like forever, our tributes come out and are led to the car so we can get on the train. Sitting between my mother and Peeta is very strange. And all the way to the train everyone is silent.

After fighting past reporters we get onto the train. Effie starts talking to my mom and the other man while Peeta and I stand idly with Haymitch. I have the sudden urge to burst out into tears but find self-restraint. Mom walks over to me and takes my hand. "Come with me." She says and so I follow. We reach her bedroom and she sits me down. I immediately take her in a hug.

"Oh Precious." She sighs smoothing down my hair, "Don't worry about me."

"I should be comforting you." I say, "This shouldn't be happening, and it's all my fault." I let a tear run down my face, "If I hadn't made that stupid bargain with Snow-"

"Then Prim would be here and not me. And neither of us could live with Prim being here." She tells me. I can't tell her about the new threats for my uterus to be occupied. I can't handle that. For the longest time we sit together. Me crying silently, her running her hand through my hair. I finally compose myself so we can go and eat, though the guilt I still feel makes me sick and I can't eat much.

Effie, Haymitch, and Peeta walk in just as mom and I finish. "Did you eat?" He asks me seriously. I nod, "Like actually eat?"

"I watched her Peeta. She ate." Mom says. He nods sitting down. Mom and I stay while the others eat. Eventually our male tribute wanders in and joins us for a meal.

As the night wanes on I steadily feel worse and worse. My whole body aches, and I feel like I'll be sick at any moment.

"Let's all get to the TV room for the recaps yes?" Effie claps. Everyone stands up to leave, but I just can't stand to watch them.

"I think I'm just going to go to bed." I say standing up as well.

"Are you sure?" Effie asks.

"Yeah, I feel a bit off." I say walking out of the compartment. Just as I make it to mine and Peeta's shared room I begin to feel especially faint. I have to sit on the bed and breathe deeply for a few seconds before I can actually dress and climb into bed. My body feels so weird, like my muscles know what a terrible person I am.

In the morning I feel even worse. The guilt has finally set in and sleeping on my stomach to relieve some of my back pain has made my stomach angry with me. I walk calmly to the bathroom and observe myself. I even look like a train wreck.

I not-so-suddenly feel nauseous but all the same try and brush it off as nothing. I end up throwing up in the sink.

After a moment of being disgusted I wash it down the drain. There must be something wrong with me. I don't want to wake Peeta or my mom though, I glance at the clock and see it's only three in the morning.

I crawl back into bed slowly and Peeta shifts in his sleep. He groans a bit before facing me.

"Kat?" He asks groggily, "Kat?"

"Hm?" I ask quietly. He doesn't answer but he pulls me closer to him. So close that I remember my breasts are sore. "Peeta not so tight." I say and push him slightly.

"Hm?" He asks waking up a bit more, "What was that?"

"Just... not so tight okay?" I presume he falls asleep because again he doesn't answer. I try to sleep but my stomach is not happy with me and I only fall back to sleep around six.

At eleven Peeta wakes me up, telling me Effie is in a tizzy because she doesn't want me missing a meal. When I'm dressed and arrive at the dinning cart, lunch is already being served. One of the dishes in particular reminds me of what came up in the sink earlier this morning.

I take a full plate, well alright, Peeta makes me take a full plate. I honestly feel like it's just staring at me, like every bite I take makes me feel more and more queasy.

Effie and Haymitch are talking strategy, but I don't add any input. I got my mom in this situation anyway, I'm the reason she'll be fighting. She shouldn't want to take my advice anyway.

Halfway through my meal the train stops. I'm thankful because I'd rather not argue with Peeta about my eating.

We're surrounded by reporters as we escort our tributes to the remake center. Peeta, Haymitch, and I are taken down to the 'Victor's lounge' where we'll wait for our tributes.

Haymitch is called over by a group of older looking Victors, while Peeta and I kind of linger for a moment.

I get to look at the room. So many chairs and couches, a couple of coffee tables. Capitol art and odd sculptures adorn the room.

We are then encountered by the illustrious Finnick Odair. "Hello Newbies" He greets us, "Sugar cube?" I question it for only a second before another woman bounds over to us.

"Finnick don't make them feel uncomfortable that's my job! I'm the bitch here!" Another Victor I remember Johanna.

"Sorry, about her, we just can't seem to get rid of her." Finnick rolls his eyes.

A quite looking girl walks over, "Hi." She says, "I'm Annie."

"Hi." I say to her.

"Won't you come sit with me?" She asks timidly.

"Sure." I say and follow her. Finnick and Johanna rush after us with Peeta in tow. We all chat for a little over an hour in which time I become at the very least friendly with my fellow victors.

But I grow more unsure of myself. I feel like I may faint at any moment as we talk. As more time passes. I excuse myself to go to the restroom. There I manage to gain some stability after throwing up again.

I look at my face and try to think of what could be wrong with me. Am I sick or just frightened down to my bones?

I'm not sure, but I walk back out and wait with the other victors. The Opening Ceremony goes smoothly. Cinna has designed something perfect for my mother. As the commentators said, "Very fitting for a mother whose daughter is the girl on fire."

I get very little sleep at night, I follow the same schedule as last night. At three in the morning I throw up and climb back into bed.

But at nine Peeta gets me up for breakfast. I have no stomach for it again, I'm tempted to tell him I'm just sick. But then he'll freak out and try to take care of me. I don't need him being nice to me. Not when I feel like a legitimate piece of shit.

Instead I just take a really long shower, and make it to the end of breakfast. Just enough time to catch mom before she heads down for training.

"Come on sweetheart." Haymitch says, "We're heading down."

"For what?" I ask as Peeta walks up behind me.

"We'll be spending the day with the other victors talking about our tributes." Haymitch says when the elevator reaches our level.

We all pile in and head into an area that reminds me of the reception area after mine and Peeta's wedding. Round dinner tables and a few chairs for each table.

We find our group from yesterday and sit with them. Peeta doesn't skip a beat, "You need to eat." He says firmly.

I sigh "Peeta-"

"I'm not joking with you Katniss you are going to pass out."

"I'll be-"

"No." He insists.

Finnick calls an avox over and orders me a plate of food. "Done." He smiles at us.

"Your not helping." I chuckle. "My husband will begin to think he's right."

"I don't try. Trust me. I don't." Finnick winks.

"Oh Hell Finnick" Johanna laughs, "You give three fucks about everything."

"I'd beg to differ!"

"You'd be wrong." She assures him.

"So how are your tributes looking this year? Any surprises?" Finnick asks the table.

"I don't have a victor. The man's sixty-five and ill. My girl is pregnant." Johanna says bitterly.

"How about you?" Finnick asks me.

"The man, is going to be a grandfather soon. I don't think he'll last more than a week." Peeta says.

"And then there's my mother." I say with a sigh.

"That sucks multiple dicks." Johanna sighs, "Well seems like I'm going to get yet another chance to hate my life."

"Did you ever stop darling?" Finnick asks.

"Nope." She sighs.

"Our tributes are married. Have been for fifty years." Annie says quietly, "I'm not sure they'll make it passed the first day... by choice." Well that's just unsettling.

"But hey you know what it's the Hunger Games. If we can't be merry because of them, make fun of them." Finnick says

A hot plate is placed in front of me, and it honestly repulses me. I feel sick again, I know I'll throw up if I just sit here. I turn to stand up and leave but Peeta catches my arm.

"Kat-" I throw up on him... How embarrassing is that? I throw up on my husband in front of people I hardly know. Finnick hands Peeta a napkin which he uses to get bits of bile out of my hair.

"Oh god." I cough out, "I'm sorry." What else do you say? He hushes me and finishes getting vomit out of my hair.

He stands up, and as disgusting as it sounds, some of my vomit slides onto the floor when he does. "Come on." He puts an arm around my unsteady frame and leads me out of the dinning room.

He takes me upstairs and sits me on the bed, I'm crying now. God what is wrong with me?

"You're okay." He assures me, wiping away tears. "You're okay, we'll just get you changed and you can rest." I nod after sobbing a bit more. He hands me a night-dress and while I change he does too.

He guides my legs into bed and feels my forehead. "Just relax."

"You should go back." I say.

"What if you're sick again?" He asks, "Have you been sick before this?"

"I'll be fine." I assure him.

"Kat, have you been sick before this?"

"No, but I've felt like I would." I tell him half-heartedly.

"Do you want me to call a doctor?"

"No." I say.

"Are you sure?"

I nod, "Do you remember how they used to take us to the mine shafts as school trips?" He nods, "And how I was never there?" He nods again, "This always happened. I get sick when I'm afraid."

He sighs sadly and strokes the side of my face with his thumb, "I'm sorry Kat." He says.

"Go on back, tell them I'm okay. I'm just going to sleep." I tell him.

"You're sure?" He asks.

"Yeah." He kisses me before leaving. I presume I sleep but I wake up feeling unrested. Peeta's by my side again, his hand feeling my cheeks for any sign of fever.

I groan as my stomach twists again.

"Kat?" He asks softly, trying not provoke me. I turn only my head to look at him, "How do you feel?" He asks. I can only shake my head no before falling back asleep.

For the rest of the training I get up and converse with the other Victors. Though Peeta and my new parent Finnick are convinced I'm sick, I still go.

Effie doesn't know I was sick, and I refuse to tell my mother. In fact the day of the interviews I don't even feel too terribly bad.

Though the interviews are excruciatingly long I manage through them. The night before the games I sleep next to my mom, for both my comfort and hers. Tomorrow the games begin. By tomorrow night, I may not have a mother anymore.


	11. Chapter 11 Another Piece in the Game

Haymitch, Peeta, and I are taken to an observation area before the games are to start. We are taken around quickly, to the dinning hall and to the bedrooms which are divided by District and gender. I'll have my own room right next to Seeder. The District Eleven female mentor.

We are then directed into a privet room with the number Twelve on it. Inside there are a few plush chairs, a coffee table with a few devices on it, and a wall sized screen that will be divided into thirds. One screen for each tribute and one to show what the audience is seeing.

There are cameras set up all around here, apparently there's a channel where you can watch your favorite victors work. That seems slightly creepy... Just me? Alright.

Haymitch plops down right away. Peeta sits as well, I pace the floor not so eager to begin.

The pre-game recaps have begun their wrap ups, on our screens we can see our tributes file into their pods. I grow increasingly nervous and the sick feeling rises as well. My poor mom, she'll have to go to hell and back if she wants to get out. Can she even get out? Does she even want to?

The count down begins, I take a seat and focus my eyes intently on the screen. I'm not very helpful here. I can't do much, but send her things. She's on her own.

Thirty seconds left before the Games begin. We get a sweep shot of all the tributes. For some this will be the last time Panem sees them alive. Then a quick shot of the arena, it's all thick forest, a circle of dense trees surround the tributes blocking out sunlight. It's a dangerous place for anyone. Even if there weren't twenty-three tributes out to kill you, who knows what's in those woods.

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. And they begin, mother stupidly goes forward a couple of paces picking up a single satchel. I feel anxious when she finally turns and runs into the surrounding forest.

The main camera focuses on the fighting, as more gore spills out around the once deep green grass, the more I want to run away and hide like my mom did.

Our male tribute is killed quickly. And so are the two tributes Annie had told me about. The ones from her district.

Johanna's male is killed, but her girl (who in her interview revealed she was 38 weeks along) makes it into the forest.

Eleven are killed in the blood bath. Shockingly enough Mom has gotten extremely far. She's far away from the rest of the tributes. Now she's taking inventory. Finnick pops into our room once everything has settled down.

"Well that went well." He says sitting down, "How are we down in District Twelve?"

"Fucking ecstatic." Haymitch says sarcastically.

"You are an ass Haymitch." Finnick says and moves over to Peeta and I, "I like these kids better." His arm wraps around my chest, which send a sharp pain signal to my brain.

I elbow him in the chest without a second thought, "Hey!" He laughs, "What's up a bit moody today are we?"

Johanna walks in next, "Did you see my girl? Bad ass right?"

"Yeah Jo we saw." I tell her.

"I'm so damn proud. I'm a proud mama." Jo laughs, "Finnick come on celebrating time."

"Got it!" He says exiting. Peeta laughs as they leave.

"Oh they'll be back, watch yourself." Haymitch says, "Those two never leave us alone."

"Well you heard her, she'll be watching her tribute closely. Or at least she should." Peeta says in her defense.

"Eh her partner's got it down. He may be old but he's smart. Smarter than her." Johanna seems pretty smart, at least from her games. Or is he just saying that because she annoys him?

Mom lasts the night and has happened upon a source of clean water. Slowly three days pass. Outside of the games I'm still sick every morning, and during my night shifts alone I find it difficult to sit at all. Nobody's noticed, thankfully. I don't know what I'd do if Peeta found out.

The careers hunt at nights (as usual) and now, as of the fourth morning, nine tributes remain.

The four careers, my mom, Johanna's girl whose name I've finally learned is Talia, the girl from Five, and the man from Eight.

Today my mother ran into Talia, and the two have decided to team up.

"Looks like your mom is helping out honey." Johanna pops in, it must be the end of her shift as night has already fallen.

I smile slightly, "She's a healer, if she can help she will." Johanna sits down and watches for a brief moment when Finnick drops in.

"The ladies have teamed up I see." He says.

"Hell yeah, be afraid!" Johanna laughs.

He walks in further, "Damn I cannot imagine going into the arena pregnant."

"Good because neither of those things are plausible now aren't they?" Johanna cackles.

"True."

"Princess over here knows what would be worse." Johanna looks at me.

"Period?" I ask.

"Period. In the arena! Can you imagine?" She laughs again, but I don't continue my smile. My period... I'm late. Really late. A week and a half now. How could I have missed that?

"It's getting a bit late guys." Peeta says and leans over to me, "Kat, I've got the night shift, you can go on to bed okay?" I nod as I question how on earth I could have been so stupid. Oh my god, I may have been pregnant this whole time without knowing it. I walk stiffly to my bedroom.

Immediately I sit on the bed for a second trying to recall the symptoms they taught us about in school and repeat them out loud, "Fatigue, nauseousness, shortness of breath, sore muscles, back ache, head ache, faintness, tender breasts... Oh god." How have I missed this? I change into night-clothes and walk into the bathroom. There I spot a pregnancy test sitting on the counter.

I don't hesitate to pick it up, I quickly read the instructions as this looks different from any other I've taken. It has some weird thing that will tell me how far along I am. If I am at all.

Oh who am I kidding I must be. All the signs, recent sexual activity, if I'm not I'm either very sick or dying. I have to be, but I take the test anyway just to be sure.

These Capitol ones only take one minute instead of five.

"What am I going to do?" I mutter silently. I suddenly have no idea what I'll do if I am pregnant. I'll make a horrible mother. Why did I co this?

I want to turn back time, I don't want to be a mom. I can't be, even if it is what Snow wants. I can't do it! I need my own mom. I need her for this. I'm not ready.

This whole time I've held the test in my hands. It beeps as it apparently has a built-in timer. _Pregnant conceived 2-3 weeks ago._

I start crying then, I can't be... I can't really be having a baby... But I am. The proof is in my hand.

It takes a few seconds of crying for it to fully sink in that I will be having a baby.

"Peeta." I whisper. "I... I have to tell him." I stand up clutching the test between my two hands. I seriously have to stop crying, I think wiping my eyes clear.

When I enter the room again Johanna and Finnick are still sprawled out in the chairs.

"Peeta?" I ask softly. He doesn't respond, "Peeta?"

"Yeah? What is it?" He asks without looking.

"I have to talk to you." I say in a small voice.

"I'm listening." He says watching the screen.

"Now." I say. He turns back and looks at me as does everyone else, "I-... I'm..." I take a deep breath swallowing my tears, "I'm pregnant." No one says anything. The ringing of silence hangs desperately in the air.

Well until Johanna speaks up, "Damn that was quick." No one responds to that either.

Peeta stands and walks over to me, "Are you sure?"

I hand him the test, "Look." I whisper, "And I've been sick every morning since we got on the train... Everything they told us would happen in school."

He stares at it, confused and almost afraid too. That's when I start crying, just because even he can't handle it. And if he can't handle it I certainly can't.

"Hey, don't cry." He says sweetly and with a smile, "This is what we wanted, remember we wanted to start trying? You want this." He's wrong, I don't want any of this.

"I'm scared." I say and his arms wrap around my waist.

"I know I am too." He admits, he kisses my forehead after he's said this, "But this is what we were planning on, just a few months early. Everything's going to be okay." I'm still crying helplessly into his chest. "Come on I'll take you to bed."

"You already did that and now look what happened." Haymitch scoffs.

"Haymitch, not now." The voice is neither mine nor Peeta's it's Finnick's. Finnick is defending me. What the?

Peeta takes me to my room. I wipe my eyes as I sit on the bed. He's looking at the test intently again. He looks up at me and smiles before kneeling by the bed, "We're having a baby." I nod slowly, "Kat what is it?"

"I just... Shock." I say. "Emotional shock."

He laughs, "I know it's sudden, but we can do this. You'll make a fantastic mother. I just know it. And we have all of this time now to plan for it. When we get back home we'll build a crib and a nursery. Everything will turn out. Just you wait."

I nod again and put my hand over my no longer vacant abdomen, "I'm pregnant." I whisper and try to crack a smile. Out of fear, or maybe lack of better judgment I take his hand and place it over my own. Maybe I'll feel better this way.

He smiles even more, "Hi baby." He whispers close to our baby, "I'm your daddy, you've just made mommy and I very happy. I hope some day we can make you just as happy." Nope I definitely don't feel any better.

I've finally given this boy everything he's ever wanted. Married to me with a baby on the way, yet I still can't be happy about it no matter how much I love him. Because Snow made this baby not us. He made certain I'd have this baby so my little sister can be safe. My mom is fighting in an arena right now because I couldn't get knocked up fast enough.

And now here I am pregnant with the most wonderful boy on the planet as the father, and I couldn't hate him or this situation more even if I tried.

He kisses where our hands were and then he kisses me, "You should get some sleep especially with the baby." He says.

"You should get back Haymitch seems pissy." I say crawling under the covers.

"He'll come around. After all he's going to be grandpa Haymitch."

"Oh my god he'll hate that. Tell him." He laughs at my comment.

"Goodnight Kat."

"Goodnight." It isn't much of a goodnight as I wake up several times to be sick. But that's happened every night so I can't really complain.

I give up on actually trying to sleep at around six and find myself wandering into the viewing room. Peeta still sits alert in front of the screens watching the careers. I walk over and kiss his cheek, "Morning." I say before sitting down, "How is everything?" I ask.

"No one's died, the Game makers won't be too pleased." He takes my hand, "What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep." I say.

"Couldn't sleep? Or sick?" I look down at our hands not giving a response.

"It's normal." I say quietly.

"Normal or not I'm still worried about you." He says draping an arm around me. "Have you eaten?"

"A little." I admit, I look at his sleep deprived face, then I look down at the coffee table. The test still sits there, "We should probably throw that away." I say.

He looks down and sighs, "Probably."

He rubs his eyes tiredly, "You should go take a break, eat something maybe. I'll take over here."

"You sure?" I nod, he gets up and leaves. I watch my mom as she wakes up her new companion so they can continue moving. I must say I'm a little shocked at just how well my mother is faring in these games. She must have learned a thing or two from dad.

That's when I look at the screen of what they're showing the viewers. It's strange Caesar is walking and talking to the camera.

I lose interest quickly and return my attention to my mom. She's taken Talia far into the woods. They are extremely far from any of the other tributes. But that could be a bad thing. Knowing the Games, there may just be a turn of events that could change the safety they probably feel.

I hear the door open and turn around to greet Finnick/Johanna. But guess who I see?

"Katniss! So good to see you."

I stand up and greet him only slightly confused, "Caesar hi."

"Let's sit and have a little chat." He says guiding me to the chair I'd been sitting in. "So Katniss, last night all the world heard your very exciting news." Oh shit, "And may I just say congratulations."

"Thank you." I say trying to think of how on earth they could have seen it... Oh wait, cameras everywhere. Ah hell.

"There's a lot of people questioning the legitimacy of your pregnancy-" I lean over to the coffee table and pick up the test.

"This doesn't." I say showing him the test.

"Well there you go, a completely positive test." He laughs, "So tell us were you and Peeta trying to get pregnant?"

"Well, we wanted to start trying when we got back from this, but we seem to be ahead of schedule."

"And how are you feeling about the baby now that you've gotten over the initial shock of it all?"

Like I'm totally fucked, "I'm very excited but very nervous." I say adding on a light touch of my stomach.

"And how does Peeta feel about it?"

"He's ecstatic... I'm sure he can't be happier." He's happy enough for the both of us.

"I'm sure he is, now you both have discussed having children before this?"

"Once when we decided to try."

"I know it's a bit early to ask, but do you have any names picked out?" I shake my head with wide eyes. I haven't even thought about tomorrow for god sake! "Well you've certainly got time." He says putting his hand where mine had been. It feels odd to have this man touch my stomach when there is nothing there yet. He's pressing down and I can feel my stomach churn a bit. "Have you had any symptoms that led you to believe you were expecting?"

"All of them?" He laughs at my comment. "I'm serious. I have." And right now I just might vomit all over you and it won't be my fault.

"Did you guess before hand that you were pregnant?"

"No. I had other things to worry about." I say.

"I'm sure it's been hard, finding you're pregnant during the games. And while your mother is in the arena. It must be hard." Oh my god why did you say that to me? I feel like I'll start crying again, "But I'm sure your husband won't want you exerting yourself too much now."

"No I'm sure he won't." I feel a few tears begin to fall down my cheeks, "Oh my god I'm a wreck." I didn't mean to say that out loud, "I don't like crying." I manage a laugh.

Caesar pats my wrist awkwardly, "The hormones are already flaring up."

"No kidding." I agree hopefully not too sourly. "I've heard it gets easier, but I've also heard that pregnancy is a joy. So I'm not quite sure I believe them." Mostly because I'm seriously ready to be sick.

He laughs again, "I'm sure that it will get easier."

"Kat? Who are you-" Peeta walks in and sees exactly who I'm talking to.

"Peeta, please come join us." Peeta walks in and sits down beside me, "We were just talking about your little one on the way. I bet you're excited."

Peeta's smile is undeniably wide, "Of course I am."

"How did you feel when you found out that you are becoming a father?"

He looks at me his hand caressing my flat stomach, "Like nothing could make me happier."

"I'm sure, the whole nation is very happy for you." Now I know I'll be sick, I try not to run frantically from the room but I do run and I do barely make it to the bathroom to throw up. Peeta's right behind me holding my hair back, whispering soothing words.

I can't help but wonder if Caesar followed us, but that thought is interrupted by me being sick yet again.

"You're okay." He whispers. Though I highly doubt that's true I listen to him. If for no other reason then that I truly need someone now more than ever.

After I've cleaned myself up we go back out to watch the Games. Haymitch is there, and so is Finnick for that matter. We watch the games for a while, with nothing happening. But as always the case with the Games, that doesn't last long.

A sudden freak wind storm sends tall trees tumbling down causing the nine remaining tributes to run towards the same point. A large clearing in the trees spits them out and faces them against each other.

Mom instinctively becomes protective of Talia, as the fight between the four careers and the five remaining tributes begins. The fight is long and bloody.

My mother finds enough time to slip away with Talia, before either of them is too terribly injured.

One career is killed and the other two tributes are killed. The careers decide to split. But the two partners from District One stay together. They plan to hunt my mom and Talia.

By now it's night, and Peeta is urging me to go to bed. I start to refuse but he takes me to my bedroom anyway, "You need your rest." He tells me firmly.

"I'm fine, really."

"I watched you today, the fighting was intense, and you were extremely stressed. You need to sleep."

"Then you sleep with me, you haven't slept since yesterday." I tell him. He sighs but agrees. I fall asleep with my husband holding me. One arm around me, one hand resting over our baby.

In the morning I wake up with no one beside me. I stand up and make my way to the dinning hall for breakfast. As by some miracle I feel I can finally stomach it.

I look up and see Peeta tiredly walking through the hall, "Hey." I smile as we near each other.

He barely looks at me and he stops completely when he's seen me. "Peeta?" I ask. He ignores me completely and continues to walk.

"Hello?" I stand right in front of him. I see prominent bags under his eyes and a darkness hanging in the blue of his irises. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Leave me alone." He says rudely.

"What's wrong?" I try to get him to look at me instead of the ground.

"You should know." He scoffs.

"What does that mean?" I ask again. He sighs, suddenly his eyes are not tired but angry. He yanks me into the closest room, and closes the door. Once he's locked it he gives me a cold hard stare, even though the light is dim I can see his anger.

"Why are you even talking to me?" He asks sharply. Um maybe because you're my husband and the father of my child? That seems like a good reason to me.

"What's gotten into you? Are you tired, or what?" I try to touch his cheek but he slaps my hand away.

"Katniss, I know."

"What? Know what?"

"Answer me truthfully, did you or did you not want to marry me?" His question catches me off guard.

I'd hate to say it, but I do that cliché thing where I stutter a bit, "I-..."

"I knew it." He sighs. "I can't believe you would fake everything we are Katniss. That's just-"

"Who said this was fake?"

"Everyone! They're all talking about how much better your acting has gotten!"

"My acting?" I whisper trying to think of what in hell I could be pretending about.

"The baby? Yeah right, even I was skeptical about that. I may not know how you managed to fake that pregnancy test but I had my suspicions."

Oh my god, he doesn't think... He can't think... "Are you telling me... You don't think I'm-"

"Oh don't give me that bull shit Katniss, I know you're not really pregnant." He's so angry I can hear it drench his tone. "I can't believe you'd just trick me like that, trick the whole nation like that! How could you be so... So... Horrible! I'm done with you and everything to do with you."

"Peeta-"

"Shut the hell up." He grabs my wrist, "Don't you dare talk to me. If a camera's around fine, otherwise I don't even want to LOOK at you."

He storms out of the room slamming the door behind him.

I can't move for a few minutes. This can't be happening can it? I look down for a few moments before putting my hand over my baby. My miniscule, vulnerable baby. "Daddy didn't mean it." I say. "He's just tired, that's all baby. Daddy didn't mean it."

Though I wish I were the one to believe this.

I start to cry against my will as I leave the room. I walk towards the dinning hall and hear reporters talking in the background. Once I walk into the dinning area I find Finnick and Johanna teasing Haymitch about his liver.

"What is it princess?" Johanna asks cruelly.

"Nothing." I say wiping my eyes clean.

"Hormones am I right?" Finnick winks at me, which would be funny if I hadn't been chewed out by my husband. Nor if I'd just found out that they think I'm all an act. Even they think this is all an act. A sick joke more like.

Now that I love my husband, now that I'm carrying his baby he thinks I'm faking it.

I feel tears leak down my face again and suddenly all this food makes me want to puke.

"I'm sorry." I say shakily and walk swiftly out of the dinning room.

But I don't go to the viewing area. Instead I wander, I know Peeta will be in the viewing room, keeping my mother alive like the good person he is.

Some how I wind up in front of Annie's room. I only know it's hers because she walks out immediately, "Hi Katniss." She says. "How are you?" I nod but don't actually answer her, "Well that's good." She walks up and hugs me, then she gentle places her hand on my nonexistent stomach, "And how's the baby?"

"Well." I answer at a loss for any other answer. I walk with her for a moment but see Haymitch enter my viewing room and decide I need to check up on my mom. I leave Annie then and enter a room of people I now associate with hostility. I sit on the far end and observe the games without a word.

We're all sitting around watching the games go on, Mother is helping Talia through the forest, as she knows the pair from District One is pursuing them. Looks like it'll be a boring night of running away.

I'm hardly watching though, My eyes are glued to the other two with me. Haymitch is falling asleep on the couch, and Peeta knows I'm watching him. He refuses to glance back. All day I'd been watching the Games, but now I need to take a good look at my husband. The boy I'm sure I love, who now hates me for all I'd done.

"Why don't you two go to bed?" I suggest, "I haven't had a night shift in a while and it seems like a calm night."

Peeta now looks at me, "I'm fine Kat," I wince as he uses his pet name for me, "Besides you and the baby need your rest."

I look down at my stomach, "I'm sure the baby can sleep just fine like this. You look exhausted. Go to bed okay honey?" I say.

Haymitch is already half way gone.

Peeta gets up and walks to me, "You're sure?"

"Yes." I say and lean up to kiss him. His kiss is not satisfied like it normally is. "Goodnight."

"Night." He leaves.

I watch alone for the first hour with nothing to report. Well, I mean I notice that Talia is in labor, but mom knows they can't stop moving. Talia must know this too. I knew she was in labor the moment they started to run from the Pair. It's only a matter of time before she becomes a mother.

That must be terrifying. To know your baby will be born into such a hateful world... Oh wait, mine might as well be born in the arena. That's the fate of my baby anyway.

"How are we sexual?" Finnick asks sitting in one of the chairs across me.

"You know just making sure my mother survives the night. The usual."

He looks up at the image. "How they doing?"

"Can't you see it?" I ask.

"See what?"

"She's in labor." I say directing my nod to Talia.

"How would you know?" He asks suddenly in alarm.

"Look at how she's walking. That's not how you walk even nine months pregnant." I said, "And look at her face, it's like she's in actual pain, you aren't in pain just from running. She's having her baby."

"Stop, please. I have to stop." Talia says to my mother. She can't go on much further.

"Talia we can't just-" Talia's water breaks right then.

"I think I'm having the baby." Talia says nervously.

"Alright... Um..." Mom never flinches at this kind of thing, this is bad. I knew it was in the first place of course, but this is frightening, "Alright sit down here for me." She sits Talia down against a tree. She then moves a few plants to camouflage her a bit though camouflage won't help much if District One catches them, "Now what ever you do, you cannot make a sound. If it hurts too bad, bite this." Mom hands her the parachute we sent her a while back.

Mom pulls her working self out and begins to prepare for the birth of the baby. She takes off her jacket so she has something to wrap the baby in, and slowly eases Talia into the worst of her labor.

Never has there been a child born in the arena before, and with good reason. Normally girls don't get pregnant before eighteen. At least not in any non career Districts. Career Districts always have volunteers so a girls are a little easier up there. Or so the rumors say.

Finnick stands up, "Katniss do you want me to wake up Peeta? You're looking pale." He sounds rather fatherly in this instance which suits him oddly.

"Don't bother, I'm okay." I say. I'd rather face this alone than with my half-hearted husband. I only have a few people left in this world. My baby, and my mom are the closest to me. I have to be here for my mom, even if she doesn't know it.

"I'm not worried about _you_." Finnick says. "Are you sure?"

"Yes" He gets close to the screen and observes as the camera flashes to the nearing careers, they're about three miles behind, they may just make it to the birthday party. I hope not.

Talia is in sincere pain, it's etched into all her features. Mom doesn't stop though, she knows what to do.

"Talia, look at me," Talia obeys my mom, "You're ready to have the baby. Okay?"

Talia nods accidentally letting a cry escape her throat.

I stand quickly.

"Katniss, sit down." Finnick says in the most fatherly tone I've heard in a while. "The baby-"

"I'm worried about that baby, not this one." I point to the screen and then to my own baby.

"Talia, push" Mom says calmly. After a good few seconds I realize that I'll have to endure that in eight months. Just me and my mother all alone with no one to help us.

Talia wants to scream, her face is bright red every time she pushes. I'm afraid she'll faint before the baby is born.

"It's a girl." The baby gets it's close up, a squirming alien looking thing. I, again realize that alien thing will be what my baby looks like when it'll be born. I'll think it beautiful then.

Blood is zoomed in on once I've finished my thought, Talia's bleeding heavily and it isn't stopping soon.

Cradling the infant in one arm, Mom expertly works on Talia. Mom's calculating how to stop the bleeding when Talia says, "I'm going to die."

"No you aren't" Mom says.

"Yes I am, it runs in the family. My great-grandmother died having my grandmother. My grandmother died having my mother. My mother died having me. Now I'm going to die." With tears in her eyes Talia sits up.

"I'm going to scream and you need to run."

"I won't leave you." Mom says.

"Keep my little girl safe." Talia says.

"Talia-" Talia begins to scream. Mom takes off running in an unknown direction, clutching the infant to her chest.

"Katniss, sit down you're shaking." Finnick takes my arm, using that fatherly tone that confuses me yet again.

The District One pair has reach Talia, "Finnick, get Peeta." I say covering my mouth. He fully sprints out of the viewing area to the shared room of my husband and mentor.

Not two minutes after he's gone Talia's cannon sounds. The man is now perusing my mom, and he's gaining fast.

The man from District One reaches my mom the moment Haymitch and Peeta run into the viewing area.

"Talia's dead." I say as the District One man attacks my mom. He throws himself at my mom so she crashes into the nearest tree. The infant's skull makes a revolting crack, the baby no longer cries. She's dead. My mother has only a brief second to look at the dead baby in her arms.

Peeta swipes my head and presses my face tightly into his chest so I can't watch what happens next.

I hear my mom scream, she's dead I know she is. When I hear the cannon sound I let out a little yelp. The last person who still loved me, dead without even a parting word.

"You're lucky I'm a healer and know what kills the fastest." That's... my moms voice. Then there's sounds of running that fills the viewing area and Peeta's grip loosens. I look around his hands and see my mom is in fact still alive. She's running quickly into the deep forests.

Peeta forcefully leads me to the chair I'd flown from earlier. "This is exactly why I didn't want you to do this alone, Kat." Peeta wipes away tears I didn't even know I had on my cheeks. He seems angry, hell I'm angry. But also I'm terribly afraid.

I look up and see Haymitch sigh at the screen, he's lost a lot of tributes, but none of us have ever seen a tribute so young die. Finnick looks at me with concern to match the fatherly tone he'd used with me earlier.

Peeta kisses my forehead, "Go to bed Kat, I think you've had enough excitement for the rest of your pregnancy."

I like to think deep down inside he knows we're having a baby. I hope he knows his baby is inside me right now. But I know he doesn't, or at least he thinks he doesn't.

I get into the hallway when I hear Finnick start to talk, "Do you guys feel like there's something off with Katniss?"

"No, that's her mom. I bet she's just playing it up for the cameras." Peeta says angrily.

"There aren't any cameras this late at night. And you know, Annie was talking to her today and the way she talked about it. I'm just curious."

"Are you suggesting Sweetheart's pregnant?" Haymitch asks, "Her uterus is probably the most hostile place to live, especially for nine months."

"Not the only part of her that's hostile." Peeta mutters. I run then, I run into my room and straight to the toilet so I can throw up.

I cry and throw up at the same time. What in hell did I do to deserve this?

Seeking comfort I place my hand gingerly over my baby. "I'm sorry baby." I whisper, "You don't deserve any of this. You did nothing to be born for the games, or to have a mother with no idea how to raise a baby. You don't deserve to have a father wanting nothing to do with you."

I rub small circles around my baby, "We're on our own now I guess... We'll make it work." I promise to my little one. I need my mother to come out. I need her to live for me, she'll be all I have once this baby is born. Peeta wants nothing to do with me, Haymitch has never wanted anything to do with me. I just need someone on my side.

The only one I know for sure can do that is my mother.

"You'll love your grandma little one. Because even though she doesn't know you're here she's fighting for you."


	12. Chapter 12 Prayers Left Unheard

The next morning I get up slowly, having fallen asleep on the bathroom floor. I observe myself in the mirror for a moment before muttering, "I look like hell." And you know what? I feel like hell too.

I hesitate while washing up and dressing. I'm going to have to spend my entire day with people who hate me. Wait, correction, I'll have to spend all day with people who are pretending not to hate me.

Isn't that better?

I get into the viewing area and take a seat. Only Haymitch is there so I speak up, "How is everything?" I ask.

"The Game makers want everyone well rested before the finally." He sighs, "In other news you're a bitch."

"Shut up." I say. "You don't know anything."

He chuckles, "Don't I? I am you Sweetheart, get a good look. This is your future."

"I said. Shut. Up. I'm not dealing with your crap."

"You broke that boy's heart."

"No I believe you did that for me." I say looking at him dead on. "I never said that I wasn't in love with him. I never said any of those things. You put words into my mouth."

"You didn't have to, there's this thing called facial expressions. I can read them."

"Not well." I say.

"It'd just be easier to not argue with me Sweetheart. I'll win."

"This isn't a matter of winning or losing."

"Well what is it then?"

"It's me defending myself with all that I know."

"And what do you know?"

"That I do love him. And that I'm not ready for the baby I'm having."

He's laughing even harder now, "That's a good one Sweetheart, try that one out on him. See how he takes it."

"Leave me alone." I say turning back to the screen.

"Yet another good one. That'll work wonders on the boy too."

"Haymitch! I swear to god if you don't shut up I'll castrate you right here right now!"

"Easy there Sweetheart, keep your temper to a minimum. They're starting."

"What do you mean they're start?"

"Look at the screen," He says and so I do. All three remaining tributes, running to what? I don't know. The woman from District One is tripping over herself and the male from District Two looks deeply frightened.

"Should I get them?" I ask Haymitch.

"No. Wait." He says. We watch the three tributes meet in the middle. They stare at one another at first bewildered and then they know. They're the last ones.

Mom seems to know the two of them will kill her first without hesitation. One final act of team work before they turn on each other.

Mom allows them to charge her first before sprinting out of their reach. How mom will even have a chance against these two I don't know.

The man jumps after her just as the man from District One did. Mom turns around and slits his throat vertically, cutting exactly on his vein. His cannon sounds not a few seconds later.

The woman from District One stands in awe of my mother before beginning a proper fight.

The District One tribute lashes at my mom swinging her weapon sloppily at her gashing my mother's right arm open.

In less than a moment mom has turned against the woman and has her pinned. She's suddenly stabbing her right where she'd stabbed the man from Two. My mom... She did it. She actually did it. She won. Holy crap.

* * *

The Games are over now, my mom's got one more day before her crowning ceremony and her last interviews before we go home, and did I forget to mention that my husband still hates me?

Mom was in recovery for a while. The doctors say it was her age or something. The time she spent in the hospital had to be the worst week I've lived. My husband avoided me like the plague, Haymitch called me a bitch at every encounter I'd had with him. Effie wouldn't leave me alone about the freaking baby.

I thought I was going to do something drastic. Each night I laid in bed and cried. Now that Peeta refuses to sleep in the same room as me, the nightmares have returned. Only now my little one is in the Games, not me or Peeta.

We're back at the top floor of the training center. The other mentors have already gone home, as there's no need for them to stick around anymore.

I must admit I miss Annie, Finnick, and yes even Johanna. I'm walking into my mom's bedroom to tell her about the baby now.

"Mom?" I ask knocking on the door. I walk in and see her crying on the bed. It must have sunk in, what's happened in the week-long Quell. I don't say anything, but I slowly wrap my arms around her and hold her tight.

"It's okay mom, I know how it feels." I whisper.

"I'm sorry Precious. You've seen me cry so much already." She says softly. I don't respond and I don't let go. I let her cry until she decides to stop. She wipes her eyes and looks at me, "I've missed you Precious. You and Prim too."

"I missed you to mom." I say with a smile, "Mom. I have to talk to you about something."

"Alright, what is it?" She asks.

"I'm pregnant. But the thing is, Peeta doesn't think I am."

She looks puzzled, "I don't think I follow Precious." I begin to explain all that's happened since the Games began, about Snow's threat, about the baby, about what Peeta told me, even my argument with Haymitch. I tell her how terrible it was when she was in recovery.

She listens patiently and then speaks up when I'm done, "But you are pregnant." She says.

"Yes." I answer. Mom hugs me rather suddenly. "Mom?"

"My baby's having a baby." She says and then gasps, "You're having a baby."

"Yeah mom I am."

"We've got so much to plan. You aren't even eighteen yet... I have to kick your husbands ass for getting you pregnant." I laugh and nuzzle deeper into her hug.

"I missed you mom." She runs her fingers through my hair. Like I knew she would, she makes me feel like everything will be okay. She makes me feel like something will start going right. And that's all I can hope for. "Prim is safe mom."

She takes my face in her hands, "I'm becoming a grandmother, and now both of my babies are safe." She pulls me back into a hug, "I couldn't ask for better children."

That's when everything goes dark. Literally in the entire city all of the lights go off.

"Mom?" I ask though I can still feel her.

"I'm here Precious." She says clutching me tighter.

"You two come on!" Someone yells into our room. "Let's go we don't have much time!"

I take mom's hand and lead her through the door, "Hello? What's happening?" I call out.

"No time to explain." Is that Finnick's voice? A hand grabs my free hand and yanks me along. Apparently up some stairs (Which first of all I didn't even know there were stairs in this building.) And I recognize that we're on the roof.

There's wind blowing violently all around, I find the weather odd, until I see a large figure that I can now make out as a hover craft.

"What is this?" Mom asks.

"Just trust us and hurry!" He says pushing us forward onto the hover craft. Mom and I are shoved to the floor the moment we get in and the doors shut behind us. "That's everyone." It's just light enough I can make out Finnick's features.

"Finnick what's going on?" I ask.

He looks down at me briefly, "Just stay down tiger."

"What does that mean?" I ask but the hover craft appears to take off. Mom clutches at my waist as the lights flicker off again. "Mom!" I shout over the roar of the engines.

"I'm right here Precious." She says right up to my ear.

Suddenly we're tossed around the cabin, alarms are beeping someone yells that we're being shot.

All I can do is fear for my baby, and my mother. The only two people I have left. I cling to her for dear life as we swerve again.

I have no time to contemplate what's happening as we're thrust around every which way. I feel the pang of my spine hitting a wall.

My stomach cramps up. No, I start thinking, I can't lose you too. I can't bear to lose anyone else. Especially not my baby. Not in this terrifying and insane scenario.

The hover craft balances out and soon the lights come on. Peeta, Johanna, Finnick, Haymitch, and Annie are all standing up now.

"Well that went wonderfully." Finnick rolls his eyes.

"I'll say, who's driving this damned thing?" Johanna shouts.

"Keep your trap shut. Let's just finish what we were doing please." Haymitch says directing the other Victors out of the room. A stabbing sort of pain rises in my stomach. I know what happened. I've lost my baby. Mom stands up watching them as they go.

"Mommy" I whisper once everyone has gone.

"Precious?" I look down at my pants that are steadily staining with blood.

"Mommy." I cry softly.

"Oh Precious." Mom bites her lips together, "I'll be right back, I promise." and she doesn't take long to come back for me.

"Come on baby." Mom takes my arm and lifts me. My stomach cramps sending my hand to grip the skin. "You're alright." She assures me kissing my head. Blood runs down my pants seeping through the material. My inner legs are drenched in blood already.

"The room I asked about isn't that far. You can make it."

I walk with my legs inverted as if I'm still trying to keep a baby inside of me. I limp along with my mother through the door. I look up briefly to see the group of Victors discussing some matter I'm, again, uninformed about.

I don't care though, I can't manage a care at the moment, I just lost my pregnancy. My husband probably still hates me, and will hate me more for this. My friends weren't even convinced I was having this baby. I only have my mom now, who's guiding me to a room where I can hide from the world to grieve.

We're about to turn the corner when I catch Haymitch's eye.

I look at him then down at my soaked pants. I see his mouth gape open. I guess my uterus is too hostile for a baby.

Johanna and Finnick glance my way and have to do a double take. Annie stares sadly at my crippled figure.

Peeta's the last to look, but the fastest to react. He sees me, then blood, in a flash he's there. He places his hands on my shoulders to get a better look at my pale face.

"Kat what happened?!" He asks without breath.

"Don't touch her!" Mom hisses shoving his arm away.

"Kat-"

"I said to get away from my baby." Mom says again sharply.

"This is my wife." He practically begs my mother with his eyes, "Kat what happened?" He asks me. For the first time in weeks his eyes are sincere. He's so frightened and just wants to hold me.

"I-... I-... I lost my baby." I say with a shake of my head. I try not to think about those words I've just said, but it's no use. Now I fully realize what's happened, "Mommy, " I whimper helplessly.

"We're almost there Precious. You're doing well." She leads me away from all the concerned looks.

When we get into the room she told me about she strips me of my clothes. I'm still bleeding as she washes me in the tub. She gets me in a hospital robe and slips me into the bed on the far side of the room.

"Does it still hurt?" She asks pushing my hair back.

"Yes" I whimper unintentionally.

"I'll go see if I can get you something, I'll be back quickly." Mom walks away.

I just lost my baby, my innocent little baby... Why? My baby didn't do anything to deserve death before life.

I feel a hand slip into mine. I don't have to look to know who it is. I rip my hand away from his.

"Kat-" I look at him, he's crying so heavily his face blotches with tears.

"Can you please leave me alone? I've just lost my child."

"That's why I'm here. Our baby-"

"No, it was my baby. You may have been the father, but the moment you told me you wanted nothing to do with me. You decided you wanted nothing to do with the baby."

"Kat, I'm sorry I hurt you, I should have believed you."

"Yeah, you should have but you didn't." I turn away from him but he walks around to the other side of the bed.

"Kat, please listen to me."

"You left when I needed you most." I snarl at him, finally angry for all the hell he's caused me, "You stop talking to me, stopped looking at me. While my mother was fighting for her life Peeta. I was pregnant I needed someone. The whole week and a half she was in recovery, you were avoiding me and running away. Now I have my mom, and I'm not pregnant. I'm fine with just that." That's when I start to cry again.

"Precious!" Mom runs to my side, "Shh, calm down Precious. Calm down you're okay, I'm here."

"Mommy" I cry into her chest as I grip her neck. "Mommy,"

"Shh, Katniss calm down for me." She strokes my cheek with her thumb, "Here take this." She hands me pills which I take in one swift gulp. "You're okay."

But I'm really not.

She looks up and glares at Peeta, "Get out! I don't care if you're her husband. Get out, you're a hazard to her health and I will not tolerate your presence while she's recovering."

Peeta sounds so defeated when he says, "I'm so sorry, I-... I don't know what I was doing."

"I don't need an excuse from you. Your child, my grand baby, is dead. No excuses need to be made up, just GET OUT!" He's gone now as I can feel my world fading away, giving into the drugs.

"Mommy?"

"I'm here, I promise, just sleep." So I do.

(Here's a little POV change really quick so we can watch mama bear defend her baby.)

Once her own little girl was asleep, Mrs. Everdeen angrily stormed through the hall and into the room the Victors had assembled in.

Peeta stood up, "How is she? Is everything okay?" Mrs. Everdeen put her hand up to silence him, "Please I have to know." He begged her again and the other Victors stood up to hear about their friend.

"No I'll be asking questions. Sit." She commanded and everyone did so, "One of you is going to tell me exactly what's going on, where we're going, and why my daughter was not allowed to know about any of it." She spoke swiftly and firmly, "I'm not kidding around with you."

Finnick stood up, "Mrs. Everdeen we can't just-"

"Sit." She commanded, "I'm old enough to be your mother, you will not be telling me what I can and cannot know." Finnick sat down in full shock.

Haymitch spoke up, "Look it's not that simple,"

"Don't you dare make me pull the, you-slept-with-my-best-friend card." She threatened, and the oldest present Victor took a seat.

"District Thirteen." Annie said, "We're heading to District Thirteen, because as of right now, Twelve is under fire."

"Under fire?"

"War, ma'am."

"The rebels." Mrs. Everdeen said under her breath in realization.

"You know about the rebels?" Johanna asked.

"My husband was a very active rebel before his death." Mrs. Everdeen said, "I haven't been involved with recent rebel activity in years. Are they really strong enough for war now?"

"Well, now that they have a symbol." Finnick said.

Mrs. Everdeen understood, "My daughter."

"Yes. She's the face of the rebellion." Haymitch said.

"But she doesn't know."

"Well we were going to tell her eventually. We just needed her ignorant which is why we had lover boy over there tell her they should have a baby."

"She was never supposed to conceive." Peeta says.

"Well she was just doing what she was forced to do."

"What?" Haymitch asked.

"She doesn't want you to know. It's not relevant anymore anyway." Mrs. Everdeen suddenly became very angry. "I hope you all realize that each of you played a part in killing that baby.

"Each of you put her through hell. And each of you should feel guilty. She needed you, because I wasn't there for her. And you all abandon and scorn her for nothing at all." She began to leave when she turned around. She stared down her son-in-law, "Even if she forgives you, I don't think I ever will."

With that she walked out of the room, having thoroughly chewed out each of the Victors.

"Can she be my new mom?" Finnick asked when she was gone.

"You're such an asshole." Johanna swatted at him.

"What? She get s shit done."

"Peeta?" Annie asked softly placing a hand on his shoulder, "Are you alright?"

"My mother-in-law hates me, my wife hates me, and they have every right to." He didn't have to say more, Annie rubbed his shoulder for comfort.

"I'm sorry about the baby." She said, "I hope Katniss's alright."

"Me too." He said with tears in his eyes, "Me too."


	13. Chapter 13 What is Said Out Loud

I'm officially the most uninformed person in all of District Thirteen. First off There's a District Thirteen? It's supposed to be destroyed! Second there's apparently a rebellion. Third I'm their figure-head? People need to start telling me things.

We've been here for... God it must have been a little over a month since we all got here.

The moment we arrived everyone went into full work mode, even me surprisingly. Though there really isn't much I can do as of now. Everyone else is working on battle strategy or training exercises.

We've been getting new arrivals, close to everyday. Apparently the war's in full swing. Refugee's pile in, soon very memorable faces appear.

My sister arrives with a large group. Gale and Madge are with her, along with Delly and Peeta's family. I haven't talked to Peeta since we arrived. I live with my mother, and yes I am avoiding him.

I can't tell if it's even my fault this time. I just can't be around him it seems too soon almost. I feel like it's partially his fault that I lost the baby. Mom has even gone so far as to suggest divorce. But I don't think I could do that.

I haven't told Madge, or Gale about the baby either. Not when they're so excited about their baby. Plus they would probably give me sympathy. Something I don't need anymore of for a long time.

I relive that moment too much at night anyway, I can't keep bringing it back every time someone asks me. Not in my waking hours.

There's a Victor's meeting today. I'm sitting between Annie and Johanna, Peeta and Finnick directly across from us. I have a sinking feeling this happened on purpose.

I know I should talk to him, I really should, but can you blame me for not wanting to?

"Alright people, let's make this fast." Coin says walking in. First she gives us an update on the war, apparently we've won over District Nine late yesterday. As of now Districts One, Two, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Ten are still fighting. She takes out a folder, "Now for the real reason I brought you all here. I need one volunteer."

Something in the word volunteer compels me to raise my hand. Coin looks up and sees only me, "Alright Everdeen, this packet's yours. Solo mission in District Two." She says holding out the folder for me to walk up and take.

"Hold on a minute." Haymitch says as I take the folder, "You're just going to let your Mockingjay go alone?

"Yeah, that's what solo mission means Soldier. On her own

"No back up or anything? Are you mad, she's your symbol for god sake?"

"The symbol of the rebellion should be doing something for the rebellion wouldn't you agree?"

"Well yes but a solo mission?"

"She's a big girl she can handle it. Survived a Hunger Games you know."

"But-"

"She just miscarried." Peeta speaks up.

Coin looks up at him intently and then at me. I speak up, "Tell me ma'am when did we arrive here?"

"About a month and a half ago, Soldier, why?"

"I lost a baby a month and a half ago then and it is in no way affecting my health as of now." I look over and Peeta for a moment, his eyes beg me not to go.

"Are you mentally stable?"

"I believe so." I answer.

"I see no reason why she can't go." Coin says transferring the folder into my hands. "You come with me so I can explain further. Everyone else is dismissed." I follow Coin into the next room over where she explains it's a simple testing job. Just some simulations and training to see how the rebel forces are doing out there.

I head back to my room for packing. I'm focused completely on my mission when I hear, "Kat!" From the other end of the hall. I turn around and see Peeta standing with Finnick and Annie, "Kat? Can we talk."

"Wow let me just get over the shock of you actually using my name first." I say sarcastically.

"Look I understand you're angry with me," Peeta sighs.

"Wait you understand me too! How wonderful! Just like you understood me last time?"

"Come on Kat please? We need to talk this through."

"I'm not ready to talk this through Peeta. I can't tell who I'm angrier at. Haymitch and Johanna and Finnick for telling you I was lying or you for believing them. Until I decide I don't think you'll want to talk with me. Especially after what my mother said."

"Can we just try?" He asks.

I sigh, "Fine." And follow him into his apartment. The other Victors are there. "What is this an intervention?"

"No, we can go to my bedroom if you want." He tells me.

"No stay we wanna watch." Johanna says.

I face a soundless Peeta, "Well?"

"Kat I've told you I'm sorry. I honestly am. I didn't know..."

"You should have trusted me. You married me-"

"Dumb mistake number one!" Haymitch calls out. I glare at him.

"I know, and I was stupid for a lot a of things."

"You've got that right!" Johanna laughs.

"Alright maybe we should talk when you find time to be alone." I say and begin to walk out.

"Wait, I'm sorry really."

"Yeah Princess he's sorry." Johanna laughs cruelly.

"Kiss already!" Finnick says, "Seriously kiss and have make up sex. That's what married couples do. Right?"

"Seriously are you kidding me?" I ask, "You brought me in here to humiliate me in front of our friends?"

"Kat I didn't mean it like that, we just have to talk."

"Peeta you have to understand that people bashing us like this is flat out disrespectful. It's disrespectful to me, to you and to our marriage. I have to pack anyway."

"Kat we're not done talking about this."

"Come get me when you actually want to talk and not dick around." With that I walk out and pack my things for tomorrows journey to District two. Hopefully there I can sort at least myself out.

I find once I've arrived in Two I like it very much. It's not home, but it's outside and there are trees. Two of my favorite things.

There aren't many people in the small base I've been sent but I find I don't mind so much. All of the people I've met are extraordinarily uninterested in anything other than work, which I appreciate very much.

When I'm not working I'm allowed to hunt in the surrounding woods.

I really missed the fresh feeling of actually being outdoors. It's been a couple of months since I'd been in the woods.

The work here is good but not too tiring, after hunting we cook one meal and eat in our designated sleeping areas. Normally during this time I write letters. To my mom mostly. Sometimes I write letters to myself, reminding myself of a good hunting area or of a good idea I'd had in the day. Once I write letters to myself and mom I write other ones.

I don't address these. Normally I end up reading them to myself late at night. These letters I write to Peeta, and Haymitch, sometimes Johanna, even Annie and Finnick. I'll write To Gale and Madge. To anyone who comes to mind.

Normally they're apologies I'd never say. Sometimes I write out conversations to make myself feel more at ease. Like if I just write these letters I'll follow one of them when I get back to them.

I've been here for two months. We've won over Districts Seven and Ten. The rest are still waged in war.

Right now I'm finished my meal, I'm sitting at my tiny little desk writing an unaddressed letter to Peeta.

"Since all of this has happened I'm not quite sure what to think about anything anymore. I know that I'm still upset about the loss of our baby. I know that I'm still trying to find what piece of me are left. But I also know this, you are my husband. We got married of a reason. It's because we love each other. We got married and while I may have been scared at the time, that doesn't mean I love you any less. I know that you're probably just as devastated about the baby as I was. But here's the thing. You left me alone. I'm trying not to be angry at you but the fact is, you left me alone when I needed someone. Anyone really. You are supposed to be the one person who is always there, even when you're angry with me you're supposed to be there."

That was all I'd gotten to write before the bomb dropped.


	14. Chapter 14 Lost

_Don't hate me for it being late my brother moved to Korea this week and in the last month we were preparing like a bunch of crazies... Here you are darling_

* * *

It's like a hard shove, quick but powerful. One moment I'm sitting up right looking over my work. Suddenly I'm shoved forward so hard I break through the housing unit.

First I feel myself fall on my face, then I rebound to the ground. I feel small rocks push into my skin and scrape my skin from the ground, that I can notice is flying around me.

The next thing I feel is debris clatter on top of me. I'm in too much shock to move for quite some time. It takes me a few moments to move, I push up on my arms and feel planks of splintered wood slide off of me. All of this happens before I even have a moment to think.

When I turn around I see the entire camp disintegrated, small flames here and there. Something in the air fading in the distance. The Capitol must have bombed us. I feel my right side begin to soak with blood as I stare out at the ruins of our base.

My eyes scan the dark mounds of the camp. The only lights come from the flames scattered about and those die quickly leaving only the dim glow of burned wood.

I'm not sure how long I just sit half in ruble and half free. I don't even think as I sit there. I can't allow myself to think. When dawn arrives, and the dusky sky purples I finally stand. I take a deep breath, instantly regretting that decision. I smell burning flesh. The haunting lingering scent of death.

The skin on my side tugs in displeasure. I wince as I turn away from the scene. I begin to walk quickly into the forest. I desperately need to leave, for no other reason than just to get away from the ruins. Maybe I had been waiting for help. But no one ever contacted us at base. We were a testing yard why would they contact us first? It became more and more apparent to me that there were no other survivors to join me. I'd have to find help on my own.

I climb through the forest and question which way to turn. What should I do? Where should I go? I'm so out of my element here and I only realize this now. Was I always this lost? Was I always so helpless?

Eventually I can't take the pain of walking any longer and I sit against a tree. I heave to keep myself breathing, I have to think clearly in order to get myself anywhere. As of now I won't get anywhere. Not with a frazzled mind like mine.

I know that out here I kept a bow and quiver in a tree just like back in Twelve. I just can't think about where it is. I know there's a river somewhere close by, but again I can't remember where.

I sit and listen to the day crawl past me, trying to breathe enough, trying to formulate any plan at all.

At noon I pull myself together and find the tree where I'd kept my bow. Then I find the river and drink from it thirstily.

After I've drunk my fill I clean the gash on my side. Then I stand and again make my way through the woods, only this time aimlessly and praying for a miracle.

I listen to the eerie fuzz from my ear piece as I trudge through the forest. Maybe someone will contact me, maybe they'll find me.

I doubt this, but some times hopes are a bit ridiculous. I can't honestly tell you how many days pass with me wandering around trying to find another base. District two is not that big, it should not be as hard as it is.

I attempt to navigate my way through the dense forests but I feel like I'm taking every wrong turn possible.

It must have been days since the bombing. I'm lucky I can provide for myself out here. Lucky it's summer and I can't possibly freeze to death.

Around mid afternoon I slump against a tree and cup my face. "Where do I go now?" I ask myself out loud, "I can't keep wandering around like this."

I sigh and tune back into the fuzzing of my ear piece. I press down on it so it stops, "If anyone can hear me... I'm safe."

No response. After a few more moments I get up and continue making my way through the forest. I start thinking, I wonder if anyone in Thirteen knows about the bomb. If they know I'm wandering in the middle of no where.

What will mom do if she thinks I'm dead? What about Peeta or Gale? What will Prim think?

My thoughts are broken by a rustling in the bushes. I don't jump, I look over curiously. I walk slowly to it and hear what sounds like a low whine.

I pull back some of the branches to see a glob of white. It has leaves stuck to it leading me to believe it's a fabric of some sort.

I move more branches out of the way and pull it out. What the hell could it be? It's heavier than I expected. And it's moving. The hell?

I finally unwrap the white cloth and to my surprise, I find a tiny person. By that I mean I find a baby.

The child looks to be at least eight months old and stares at me with light brown eyes the color of tanned leather. It has a mess of dark curls piled on its head and what looks like dog tags around its neck, 'Flint'. That's what the name reads.

What is an eight month old doing out in the middle of no where? Does that mean that I'm close to a camp? Will it even be a rebel camp?

There's a note that is folded up tight in the cloth the child has been wrapped in.

"Um... Hi?... Little one." I say not knowing what to do. As if I didn't before. I move the child into my arms so I can pull out the note that'd fallen into my lap.

**To whom it may concern,**

**I'm writing this note because I have no where else to turn. I had this baby too young for anyone to become a mother, and he deserves more than I can offer. I'm keeping him alive and away from the harsh place he would have otherwise called home. I'm keeping him alive for as long as I'm able, but soon there won't be anything I can do for him. If you're reading this please don't think I'm a cruel woman for abandoning my son out here, I'm not even old enough to be a woman. This boy was conceived so I could feed my family, I'm only fourteen now, and at his conception I was only thirteen years old. These are dangerous times, a war is coming we know there is. There's a Quell taking only mothers now, and so I'd told the world he was still born. There was no other way for me to protect my family, I'm their only provider. Please just take care of my little boy, that's all I ask. His name is Flint and he's a good quiet little boy. He's not sick and he's got good blood. Please take care of him. That's all a mother can ask for.**

The note ends there, how was anyone supposed to just happen upon a baby? Well, I guess I have just now. But how would you just expect someone to find your baby?

I feel sympathy for the mother of this child, as I think about what the note entailed. She'd become a prostitue so she could feed her family. Something I would have done had I not already known how to hunt.

I know what it's like to be the sole provider for your family. I know what it feels like to have no other options. And even to think about a thirteen year old sleeping around for money is a horrible thing. To conceive at thirteen is downright unthinkable.

"I guess I found a new ally huh?" Flint looks at me curiously. I wrap him back up in the cloth and tuck the note back in with him.

I perch him on the side of me that isn't cut up, before I start walking.

As I walk with this little boy... I just start talking and you know what I don't even know what about. Words just fall out of my face and I don't mean to say them. They just happen to come out of my mouth.

As I realize I've just been talking until sunset I sigh, "I need to get a grip." Then Flint leans his head on my shoulder and snuggles closer to me.

I look down at his tired little figure. He's probably scared right now. He's probably scared, and tired, and maybe even hungry.

I have a little bit of food from before I found him, so I find myself sitting at the base of a tree and pulling it out. Rabbit meat may be a bit tough but I don't have anything else. I wipe off the head of one of my arrows and cut it up into tiny pieces. I put a very little bit into his tiny hand.

He looks at me expectantly so I put my hand over my mouth. He puts it in his mouth and swishes it around before swallowing. I do this a few times until he's eaten all I had left.

I find a tree with low hanging branches and tie two ends of his blanket to make a little cradle. I'll be sleeping below him for the night. I pick him up and put him in it as the makeshift cradle swings back and forth.

I can't think of anything else to do so I lull him to sleep, "Hush-a-bye baby, night is falling fast. Hush-a-bye baby, the day could never last. Hush-a-bye baby, lay down your sleepy head. Hush-a-bye baby let sleep lay in your bed.

"Hush-a-bye baby the morn will come again. Hush-a-bye baby the night will always en'. Hush-a-bye baby you're safe right here with me. Hush-a-bye baby drift to dreams full of glee.

"Hush-a-bye baby your dreams will soon be true as long as you remember that I love you." He's asleep just as my song finishes I can lay down and breathe for a moment. What the hell did I get myself into? What am I going to do now? I have a kid to protect...

As I slump against the tree and my side wound pulls I'm suddenly very afraid that I'll never make it home. I close my eyes and slowly lift my hand to my fuzzing ear piece, " If anyone is there. I'm still alive." No response comes so the fuzz of soundless airwaves lull me to sleep.

I wake up to a small wailing of a baby. I temporarily forget that I'd picked up Flint the other day. I pick him up out of the make shift cradle and rock him gently as I used to when Prim was small.

The moment his eyes open and they lay on me he stops crying. I crack a smile in return for his golden silence. I bounce him a bit more before packing us up and walking farther into the woods.

I put him down a couple of times so I can hunt. Each time I manage to snag something he starts trying to crawl off. Each time I have to pick him and then collect my kills.

I only get two squirrels but that's not as bad as it could be.

We soon develop a system of sorts. I leave him in a makeshift cradle while I hunt. I'll pull him down and feed him while we walk through the woods. At night I set up his bed and lull him to sleep with the same lullaby.

During one afternoon I stumble upon a river. It's an opportune time to take a break. I settle down and begin to cook the game when Flint tries crawling into the river. I have a mini heart attack as I see water run over his head.

I sprint into the river and grab him. Once I've pulled him to my chest he starts laughing. He claps his little hands as he giggles, flicking water into my eyes. I can't help but laugh with him.

"You little stinker." I laugh. "Ugh!" I walk back to the bank of the river and set him down in the shallow area. I watch him carefully as he splashes around in the water. I have a smile on my face as he plays.

Innocence can exist even in a world like this. Even in a war torn world there are still children who can play away the day.

It seems to be an endless cycle of just looking for what feels like nothing at all. Walking aimlessly to find the rebels. Time has escaped me. But every night I lean against a tree with Flint above me in his bed and I press on my ear piece. I say the same thing each time.

"If anyone is there. I'm still alive." Each time I'm met with the fuzz of a dropped signal. Everyday Flint remains calm and happy. He keeps me sane in a twisted way.

Like any normal night I lull him till he's asleep . I slide down the tree I'd picked for resting against and I press on my ear piece.

"If anyone is there. I'm still alive."

Only this time I hear something, "Where are you?"


	15. Chapter 15 You've Found Me

I don't know quite how to respond. "I'm not sure." I say. I quickly stand up and look around, it's not too dark yet.

"We'll track you, give me a second." I slowly lift Flint from his crib and pack up our little camp. "You're going to have to move east for a couple of miles. I'll tell you if you're going off course."

"Alright." I say heading in opposition to the sun. I find my legs moving briskly in attempt to get me to base quicker.

Just the thought of people nearby, people I trust. It makes everything seem like it'll be okay.

But that is when I know I am not alone. When I hear moving not to far from me. As the sun is now gone I breathe deeply before venturing to the right a little ways.

I hear the person in my earpiece saying I've gone off course. But I don't move.

through the underbrush I can see Capitol troops headed parallel with me.

I hold Flint to my chest that much tighter.

"Can you hear me? You've gone off course." The voice says again.

My hand fumbles to my ear piece, "You're under attack." I say breathlessly. "Capitol troops are marching by me."

I turn and race back through the forest out of sight. "Stay hidden but stay in range. Do you hear me?"

"Yes." I answered. I found a little place to borrow myself and Flint for a time.

I held Flint to my chest so tightly I was afraid I'd wake him. I closed my eyes and whispered a lullaby to myself mostly.

I was able to sleep for a little while, but both Flint and I were shaken to life by the sound of gunfire. Though it wasn't close the crackling sound was loud enough to frighten me.

Flint started crying, it took a while to soothe him but eventually he calmed enough for me to notice the sun was high above our heads.

The sound of gunfire was all at once and then silent before another organized round of shooting sounded off. The Capitol would be organized in their fire. Surely the rebels were the sporadic ones firing until they couldn't anymore.

I sat with little Flint in my lap. Hushing his cries and rocking him back and forth. I wondered what was happening, who was winning and who was losing.

I find myself shaking as I try and keep my own fear in check.

The sun has set now and there are still a few stray sounds of gunfire in the distance. Neither Flint or I have eaten anything we haven't moved at all in fact. But neither one of us seems to be affected by it too much.

Once the night has settled around us the silence is finally filled.

"You can make your way to us now." The communicator says.

"Did we win?" I ask.

"Hardly, we wouldn't have if it wasn't for you." It doesn't take long for me to continue my trek through the woods. And fifteen minutes later I reach a barren campsite.

"I'm here I think." I say. Haymitch appears from one of the tents set up all around.

"Welcome back sweetheart," He says once he's neared me. He looks at my arms curiously.

Flint still moves in my arms as I turn him to my old mentor, "I found him alone in the woods. His mother left him there."

"You know most kids bring home pets from the forest not small children." Haymitch says. "Are either of you hurt?"

I lift my shirt to reveal the large scabbed over gash along my right side. "Does this count? Because I've been working on it."

"Go to the infirmary tent get patched up." He says and so I do. I begin to wonder if all the soldiers who'd fought today will be there. I suddenly grow nervous, I'm not that hurt.

However when I step inside the tent is nice and clean, most of all empty.

A nurse comes out of a back corner, "Can I help you?" She asks.

"Yes actually." I tell her that Haymitch sent me over here to be checked out when my mom emerges from the same corner.

"Precious." She smiles as she comes to me.

"Hi mom." I say once she's locked me in her arms.

She looks at me and then at Flint, "Who's this little guy?"

"This is Flint, I found him abandoned in the forest." I tell her as I'm led to one of the beds for examination. I hand Flint off to the nurse, but he fusses quite a bit without me near him.

Mom puts some medicine over my cuts and few burns I didn't know I had. She wraps my abdomen with bandage before she begins to talk about all I've missed. I've only been gone for three weeks apparently.

Prim is well, Madge and Gale have settled down nicely and found out that they're having twins. The only one she doesn't talk about is Peeta.

But as I'm about to ask Flint begins to cry. "Bring him here." I say over to the nurse who'd bathed him, weighed him, and overall checked him out.

The nurse laid him in my arms and he immediately stopped crying.

"So how exactly did you find him?" Mom asks me.

I look up at the nurse, "Where's his blanket?"

She brings it over to me and I pull out the note, "This was with him when I found him."

Mom reads over it quickly. "I couldn't just walk away."

"It's alright Precious, we can make room for him when we get back to Thirteen. Alright?" I nod with a smile, "I'm going to go give Haymitch an update on you and then I'll be back."

The nurse brought me a plate of food and a bowel of mesh for Flint in the meantime. after the two of us had eaten and Flint was cleaned off I rocked him to sleep. As I handed him off to the nurse she smiled at me, "You have a wonderful way with children." She says before taking him to the little bed they'd made for him.

Mom came back in, "Haymitch says that we'll only here for another week. He'll talk to you tomorrow later in the day."

I nod before asking, "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"... How's Peeta?"

"I wouldn't know, I haven't spoken to him."

"Is he here?"

"... Last I checked."

"Could you... Could you ask him to come see me?"

Mom took my hand, "Are you sure Precious? You don't owe him anything."

"He's my husband mom, I'm not always going to like him. I need to talk to him." She nods, "I love him mom. Even if he did screw up. I have too."

She kissed my forehead, "In the morning Precious, get some sleep." I fell asleep the moment she walked out of the infirmary.

The next day I wake at noon, "Morning." Mom says to me, "I just changed your bandages."

I nod, "Where's Flint?"

"We took him to get a few standard vaccines. He hasn't had any yet so we're going to get that done and then you can see him okay?"

"Alright." I nod, "When's Haymitch coming by?"

"I'm not sure, I have to get back to Flint though." She says, "I'll be back in an hour or two." The moment she leaves I let myself sink into the bed a bit more.

"Kat?" I look up and see Peeta standing at the entrance to the infirmary.

"Hi," I say.

H slowly walks to me, "I've missed you." I look at him unsure of what to say, "I'm so glad you're safe."

"I am too." I smile slightly.

"I'm sorry-"

"I know. I know, you don't need to say anything about being sorry we've already said it enough."

H agrees, "Can we get passed this?" He asks.

"Yes. But we both have to try."

"Okay." He says.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"... Could you kiss me?" He smiles and leans down to kiss me.

"PDA much?"

"Haymitch!" I shout with a laugh.

"What?" He asks, "That's clearly what's happening isn't it?"

"Really? Really!?"

He laughed for a moment before explaining the plans for the rest of our time spent here.

That's when the nurse comes back in and hands me Flint, "He was very brave." She says to me.

Flint laughs as he attempts to stand on my stomach. "You were saying?" I ask Haymitch.

"You'll be helping to pack up camp the last day we're here." Haymitch stops because Flint is trying to play with my hair.

"No Flint don't." I say moving my hair out of his reach. Flint takes my hand and starts to play with that instead.

"When we get back you'll have a couple months to train before we send one or both of you on a special mission for- can you control that kid?" Haymitch asks as Flint tries to crawl out of my arms.

"He's a baby not a toy Haymitch, unless you want to hold him." He took a half step back, "That's what I thought."

"Anyway those are all the orders I've been given at this point. See you both tomorrow."

As Haymitch leaves I turn Flint towards Peeta, "Look Flint that's-" He hides his face away from him, "Aw Flint you can trust him."

Flint looks up at Peeta and grips onto my shirt as if to claim me.

"I don't think he wants to share." Peeta laughs.

"He's a very nice man Flint. I'm sure you'll like him." Flint lets go of my shirt and crawls off my lap. "I guess he's over it."

"I guess." Peeta laughs.

"So when we get back, are we going to start living together again?"

Peeta takes my hand, "I'd like that."

I tell Peeta everything that happened while I was gone, and he tells me about how they didn't know we'd been bombed until a few days ago when they never received a transmission that they'd been expecting. Apparently Annie and Finnick are a thing, because again I'm the most uninformed person ever. They're getting married very soon apparently.

Flint starts crawling over my legs and almost falls off the bed, lucky Peeta catches him. Flint allows Peeta to hold him for a time and even allows him to play. Watching them together makes me wonder if we'll be allowed to be this little boys parents. Peeta looks so natural as a father. Flint seems to love him.

Even when Flint squirms and grabs for me. It's like we're a real family.

The next few days Peeta and I stay closer together. With moms restrictions of course. Peeta takes time at night to play with Flint before bed, that's the only time I leave Flint when I know he's with Peeta. I take Flint just about everywhere with me. When I trust him enough I'll set him down for only a few moments.

As we're almost done with packing camp, I set Flint down for only a few seconds.

Peeta calls me over so I can help him load something into the air craft.

After helping him I turn around to see Flint standing on his tiny little legs and start trying to walk towards us.

I run over to him and lifted him up, "Good boy Flint." I tell him kissing his cheeks so he giggles wildly.

Peeta comes and meets with us, "That's it Flint." He laughs kissing Flints cheek and then mine. It's like we both want to say that Flint is ours, even though Thirteen could still very well take him away from us. Flint is like the baby we lost, our little one. Someone we both want to take care of. It's like Flint just sort of found us, instead of me finding him.

"That's my boy." I say very proudly.

Peeta beams at us, "He is, isn't he?"

"Hey love birds come on we've got to get back we don't have time for your vomit inducing family moments!" Haymitch called from the air craft. In one arm I carried Flint and my other hand held Peeta's. Hopefully we could be a real family when we get back.


	16. Chapter 16 Willing

Once we're back in Thirteen Peeta and I start living together again. We live as comfortably as anyone in Thirteen does. Especially now that we have another little life to worry about.

I made a small bed for Flint on the floor in the corner of mine and Peeta's bedroom. Though we haven't even been back for a week yet, I can feel the changes in mine and Peeta's relationship. He trust me and I trust him. It makes a world of difference.

When we got back Plutarch just ate up the idea of Peeta and I taking care of a little boy from Two especially since we were still fighting so heavily with them.

He couldn't wait to film our new little family. Coin however was not so happy about another person coming back. Though she hasn't done anything yet I fear she'll use little Flint against me at some point.

Peeta and I are going to see our friends for the first time since our return. Though I haven't been back to training yet due to me taking care of Flint. Peeta has and already told them about our little boy.

Flint's gotten into habit of grabbing my hair and trying to put in his mouth. He knows I don't like it, I think that's why he does it. I wake up to him trying to crawl out of his little bed. I simply smile, not wanting to wake my husband who still sleeps beside me.

I get up and collect Flint in my arms, "Morning." I chuckle a bit. He kisses my cheek as I take him into the bathroom to change the both of us.

We've still kept our little signals from when we were in the forest, he doesn't cry for food or a change, he'll only look at me when he needs something. I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. But I like that he doesn't wail in the middle of the night.

I walk back into the bedroom to find Peeta groan from his sleep.

With Flint still in my arms I sit beside him, "Morning." I say kissing his forehead.

"Morning," He smiles kissing my lips. Flint bounces with giggles in my arms. "Morning to you too Flint." Peeta smiles, "I'll get dressed and then we can eat?"

"Alright." I say letting him leave to change. Flint makes a grab for my hair but I pull it away quickly. "No." I say causing him to smile so brightly I get to see his natural dimples.

Once Peeta's ready I take his hand so we can walk to the cafeteria. We're in the allotted time for young families to take their children to eat. It's early so the children can get to school on time.

Once we've eaten, Peeta and I take our little boy to Annie and Finnick's place where we were told to meet the others.

Everyone else is already there when we arrive. Annie answers the door.

"Katniss! Peeta! We've missed you." She smiles warmly at us, "Come on in." Flint clutches me tighter as we enter their place. It looks the same as Peeta's and mine.

"And this must be little Flint." Annie looks over at the toddler in my arms. "Hi buddy." She laughs but Flint only hides further into my neck.

"I guess he doesn't like strangers," Peeta says, "Although he took to Katniss quite well."

"Maybe I look like his mommy." I suggested.

Peeta tries to coax Flint from my chest but Flint only briefly looks at Annie before hiding again.

"Oh I'm sure he'll get used to us, I hope to see a lot of you Flint." She says before turning back to the group in the room. "Finnick had an early training but he'll be back soon."

I nod as I go over to Gale, "It's great to see you guys." I say giving him a hug.

"You too Catnip. It's nice to meet you." He says to Flint who has not left his shelter in my neck.

"He's exceedingly shy." I say trying to make everyone feel better about Flint's fear of them.

I reach Madge who is surprisingly large even though I know she's half way through her pregnancy already. "Notice something different about me?" She asks.

"No offence but you're much bigger than the last time I saw you." I say.

"I'm having twins!" She laughs excitedly. This makes me think about how not two months ago I'd also been pregnant. I still miss the thought of having my own baby, but I have Flint now. Someone who may have died without me.

"Congratulations." I smile at her.

"And look at this little guy." She says putting her hand on his back. He whines a bit as he tries to climb away from her.

"Flint," I start to scold.

"It's fine, Katniss, I can understand. He's in a room full of people he's never met before after being in the wilderness for so long." I nod sitting on the couch across from Johanna and Delly.

"What's gotten into you?" I ask him but he only looks at me with wide terrified eyes.

"He's the only little guy here, I'm sure he's just afraid." Delly says with her signature smile.

Peeta sits beside me, "Come here buddy." He says as I try to hand him Flint.

Flint squirms and kicks to get away from him. "Flint it's just Peeta. Remember." He whimpers hiding away in my chest again. "Okay, Shh. It's alright honey." I didn't think he'd take our meet up so poorly.

"He's never like this." Peeta says, "He was laughing just this morning."

"I'm sure he'll come out of his shell when Finnick gets back. You should see him with kids, they just love him."

I nod, "So how have you all been?" We begin a conversation about the new tactics for the war when Finnick walks in.

He immediately kisses Annie before turning to greet everyone. He comes to Flint and I last.

"This is the little tyke Peeta keeps talking about." He laughs squatting to Flint's level.

"Flint, this is Finnick." I say nudging his face out a little bit. The moment his little eyes lay on Finnick he screams and cries. "Flint, it's okay baby. Shh, sweetie it's okay."

He shouts, "Peekee mama. Peekee."

"Flint it's okay. Shh- ow! Flint no." I slightly scold him for gripping my breast too hard.

He keeps wailing, "Peekee mama, Peekee."

I try rubbing his back, calmly shushing him, and eventually stand up, "Annie can I use your bathroom?" She nods and lets me leave.

Once I've closed the door Flint calms but only slightly. I get him to unlatch and sit him on the counter top. "Flint, honey, Shh. You're okay baby, Shh." His face is bright red under his curled hair.

"Peekee." He says again. I try to think of what he could mean by that as I wash his face with a wash cloth. He calms down and looks me in the eye. I still don't know what that look means apparently.

"Let's go back out and greet them properly now huh?"

He shakes his head violently and makes a disapproving sound. "What is it baby?"

"Peekee." He says pointing to the door.

"Flint those people won't hurt you. I promise you they won't."

He shakes his head no, "Peekee."

I wonder what he could mean, when I think back to where I found him. Maybe something happened when his mother was still coming to feed him.

"Sweetheart they are very nice people." He pouts at me, "Flint, they are not going to hurt you, or me, or Peeta."

"Peekee." He says. I sigh, again trying to think back. He's from District Two. Where they train... Peacekeepers.

"Peacekeepers?" I ask him to which he cowers back in fear. Maybe his mother told him about Peacekeepers. Hell maybe even his father was a Peacekeeper. Maybe he watched his mother be taken by Peacekeepers if she were caught going to feed him.

Whatever happened he's afraid of them now and thinks Finnick is a Peacekeeper.

"Flint they're not Peacekeepers. They're friends. Peeta and I like these people very much. We trust them and you can too." I pick him up but before placing him on my hip I place him on his feet so he can't cling to me.

With his hand in mine I take him back out to the sitting room. Flint stops walking when he sees where I'm taking him.

"Come on Flint." I say getting him to match my steps.

"Is he okay?" Peeta asks me.

"He thinks Finnick's a Peacekeeper. If I had to guess I'd say he had to watch something bad happen that had to do with Peacekeepers." I say sitting down. Flint tries to climb up onto my lap as I speak, "He'll be okay."

"Ha! did you hear that? The kid's afraid of you." Johanna laughs at Finnick.

"Yes I heard Jo, thanks for that." Finnick returns the comment.

Flint sits on my lap instead of clinging to me. But he doesn't bother to look at anyone. The occasional glance at Peeta is the only time his eyes leave me.

Peeta and I leave after a couple of hours to put Flint down for his nap. When we get back to our room Flint seems exhausted. Both Peeta and I lay him down before we go out to our sitting room.

"It's strange how afraid he was." I say.

"Yeah," He takes me by the shoulder so I can lean into him, "But I think they'll grow on him."

"He kept calling me his mom." I say.

Peeta smiles, "I know."

"I think we should adopt him someday. When the war is over." He only kisses my head, "And you should let him call you daddy."

"I'd like that Kat." He says. Then we... Well we do something we hadn't done in a while.

Peeta and I fall into alternating schedules so one of us is always able to take care of Flint while the other trains.

It takes months of this, until one day when Coin calls me to her office.

I sit down as she reads me my orders, "You are to report to the loading docks tomorrow evening at six o'clock sharp. You'll be flown to the Capitol where you will be filming propos nothing more. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am." She hands me my orders.

"You may leave." She tells me going to her filing cabinet. I take my papers and read through them as I head back to mine and Peeta's place.

When I walk in Peeta has papers laid out in front of him, Flint laying half asleep in his lap, and he stares at the mess in front of him puzzled. I smile as I walk up beside him.

"Hey you're back." He says, "A lot has happened since this morning." He gestures to the papers.

"Yeah, I have stuff to talk to you about." I say setting my papers in a clear area, "But first let's put you down for a nap mister." I say taking Flint out of my husbands arms.

I lay Flint down in his bad where he instantaneously falls asleep.

I walk back to Peeta and pick up my papers.

"I got orders." He says, "I leave for District Three tomorrow."

"What?" I ask.

"Yeah it's sudden but I leave at six in the morning."

"But... But-"

"I know it's sudden Kat but I have to go."

"I got orders." I say.

"You what?"

"I got orders I leave tomorrow." I say pulling out my orders, "I leave for the Capitol tomorrow at six in the evening."

"The Capitol!?" He asks frantically, "No, you're not going to the Capitol. They're at total war right now. No, I forbid it, no."

"Peeta honey calm down. They only want me to film there." I say, "And you can't forbid me from doing anything."

"Like hell I can't I'm your husband!"

"Peeta." I stop him, "Calm down."

He nods, "Okay. It was just last time you were sent away you got lost and hurt. I don't want that to happen again."

"Yeah well the more I think about last time the more I think it was less and less of a coincidence." I say reading through my papers briefly until something catches my eye.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you think it's odd that the leader of the rebellion acts completely calm when the life of her Mockingjay is threatened? And more so that she'd just send her Mockingjay off on a mission alone, to the middle of no where for some stupid trainings?"

"What are you implying?"

"Coin wants me dead."

"That's a very risky accusation Kat, she's for the rebellion."

"Yes, but no one ever said she was for me. She thinks I'm trouble. I'm too passionate, too rash, too genuine. It's just very odd that she'd do those things. And now she's put me in a group of advanced, highly lethal, assassins. People that I've never heard of, seen, or been introduced to." I say looking at the group I've been assigned to.

Peeta still looks confused. "Wouldn't it be so convenient and so inspiring if her Mockingjay just suddenly died in the most dangerous place the war can offer? Imagine what the people here would do if I died."

"We'd kill them all."

"Exactly. That's what she wants. And she wants me gone killing two birds with one stone... Or make that three." I say with sudden realization.

"Three?"

"Flint." I say feeling theories of what she'll do to Flint run through my brain.

"What? She wouldn't do anything to Flint. I don't like the woman as much as you don't but Thirteen needs the next generation she wouldn't kill him. Even if she tried-"

"No, she doesn't want to kill him, she wants to take him away from us. She wants me to know my place. If I do live she'll have him adopted by another family."

"But why would she do that?"

"She wants us on her side, she wants us to fear her. She wants us to vote for her when we're in need of a new president."

"The question is how are we going to avoid that? One of us has to stay behind. How are you going to get out of this?"

"Me?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm not letting you go to the Capitol." He says again, "I will not allow it."

"Peeta-"

"Kat, no. I don't want you near the war like this. I'm serious."

"Good luck telling Coin that."

"We could tell her you're pregnant."

"They'd just run tests, they'd find out I'm not and then what would happen?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe we can both go if we find someone to take care of Flint."

"But who?"

"How about your brother and his wife?" I suggest.

"Both are fighting his wife's a nurse."

"Your parents?"

"I don't trust my mom with him." He sighs, "What about your mom?"

"Mom's in the field. Prim is too." I add on hesitantly.

"How? You have to be fourteen to enlist."

"She's my sister that's how."

"Coin is breaking her own laws?" He asks.

"In a month it won't matter."

"I don't think the war will last a month Kat, for either side." I know he's right, "What about Madge and Gale?"

"Gale's been shipped off to Two. Madge just had the twins I don't want to put Flint on top of that."

"Delly?" He asks quickly.

"Delly's part of the volunteer nurses remember?"

"Right. Annie and Finnick?"

"Finnick's in the Capitol and I'm not sure I trust Annie with him. Not after Finnick went missing for a week and she left. Plus she may be pregnant right now. I don't want to stress her out."

"Right... I don't trust Johanna."

"No neither do I." I say, "We have to pick someone we trust with our lives."

"Someone we know never leaves Thirteen."

"Someone we who will take care of him."

"Someone who will guard him with their life."

"I know who." I say.

"Who?" I take Peeta right down the hall to a room very familiar to ours.

When he opens the door I cut right to the chase, "Haymitch we need you to do us a favor."

"What?" He asks irritably.

"We need you to watch Flint for the next week or two."

"No way."

"Haymitch-"

"What is so damn important that one of you can't stay with him?" We fill him in quickly.

"Please, Haymitch." Peeta begs him.

Haymitch sighs, I speak up, "You owe me this." I say this because even though he really doesn't I know he'll feel the guilt of having a hand in my miscarriage.

He sighs again, "God, the things I do for love."

"Thank you so much Haymitch." We tell him where to meet me before I leave. When we get back to our room I immediately collect Flint's still sleeping body in my arms. "God, I can't lose him." I whisper rocking my little boy slowly in my arms. Peeta takes both Flint and I in his arms.

"We won't lose him. I promise."

I nod, "They can't take him."

"They won't take him from us Kat. He's already our little boy. They can't change that."

"I know, but she could do anything. She's a tyrant at best. She could turn him into a killer if we aren't careful. Just like the Capitol did to me."

"They won't touch him, if they even get close to him They'll have to deal with you and me. That's not a good combination Kat. They wouldn't dare."

I sigh, "I always find that I under estimate how stupidly bold people can be." Peeta pulls me to lay with him on our bed. Both of us questioning what comes next for us.

Flint sleepily crawls onto Peeta's stomach and lays on top of him while I curl up beside him. That's how we all fall asleep.

* * *

_So I've taken a while I know don't judge me. My dance team has started rehersals last week and as such I am going to post my updates calendar thingy on my profile for during the school year. I don't go back until the 26th so there will be an update on at least one of my stories before I go back to school._

_This coming week I'll be posting my first original story link to that is on my page updates on that will vary depending on its popularity._

_My schedule starting the second week of school will be as follows:_

_Tuesdays Presious_

_Wednesdays Night Terror_

_Fridays Hunger Games the Musical_

_Friday the 20th I'll hopefully be starting a new fic I haven't decided which one._

_Mid November I'll finish off Scream For me_

_I hope you've liked my works so far and want you to know just how much I love y'all to death. Thanks for your support and I'll see you soon._


	17. Chapter 17 Executing The Tyrant

That afternoon once Peeta was already gone I spent with Haymitch telling him everything I could about my little boy. He kept telling me he could take care of a baby to which I wasn't so sure about. But I let him anyway.

As I now sit on this air craft I seriously wonder what I'll really be doing in the Capitol. What'll happen.

I don't have much time to question it as we arrive in the Capitol. I clamber out and meet with my new team. All of them are elite fighters, I soon learn when we reach the training yard.

Why on earth would they ever put me with these fighters for just a couple of stupid little propos? I already know.

I take to only one of the girls in my team. Amelia, a fourteen year old from District One. She would have been the volunteer and surely victor her eighteenth year.

She's sweet, quite, and deadly. She reminds me of Prim and of course little Rue. She and I share bunks.

She asks me questions about me, District Twelve, and my games.

That's really when I learn to like her.

"I never wanted to be in the Games." She tells me, "But I was too good apparently. They thought I could win."

"Why didn't you? I thought everyone in your District wanted to volunteer."

"They do, there's an oddball in every bunch." She sighed, "But the Games didn't seem honorable to me. They seemed like people doing things out of boredom. It sounds cruel but think about it. Killing for honor is really killing for nothing at all."

I nod as she speaks. "I see."

She stares at me with focused hazel eyes, "At least in a war, if for nothing else. You are killing for a future. Killing for something you may get someday. That has to count for something right?"

I sigh, "In the Games the only two deaths I caused intentionally were for revenge and to put someone out of their misery."

She seems to affirm she heard me, "When the war's over, I want to learn how to read."

"You don't know how to read?"

She shakes her head, "I'm a fighter, not a learner. They don't teach tributes in training to read."

"Did you ever go to school?"

She shrugs, "For kinder. I only learned basic maths, anatomy, and fighting skills in my training. The only things that you need." She chuckles slightly, "I can't wait to kick the Capitol's frilly asses."

I laugh at that before we go to sleep.

In the morning I find that everything is in utter chaos. The war is really being waged out here. Gunfire is everywhere, and even though I'm not in range, I fear for my life.

Even as we film our propos I'm so afraid that I'll be shot dead.

It's all staged I know that, but I'm still undeniably frightened.

As we film we get closer and closer to the front lines. The less safe I feel.

Amelia stands beside me, assigned as my personal guard. Our director says we should move closer. As we move in one of the people in my group sets off a pod (I'm assuming y'all know what those are, I don't wanna have to explain it too lazy.)

The abrupt force sends us in opposite directions. Amelia landing right on top of me. "What in hell!?" She shouts once it's gone off.

"The pods." I say standing her upright, "They're being set off!" I shout as yet another pod bursts releasing a black goop. I take her hand and whisk her away. We run as fast as we can trying to navigate through the now exploding pods.

We run straight into an abandoned part of the Capitol. She drags me right into one abandoned apartment. After catching our breath we investigate the area. We find canned foods sitting in the cabinets. We eat our fill both of us silent in our small feast.

She starts thinking out loud once her food's gone. She talks about plans we could be making. Places we can go. She mentions that we should search for disguises or that we should sneak into the city to find some allies.

I decide on the second plan. She leads the way through the under ground of the Capitol.

"How do you know about these passages?" I ask as we slide through underground tunnels. I'd later learn we'd walked all night and through most of the day without sleep.

"It was in training right before I came here."

"Really? Why?"

"I'm on a mission, similar to yours but not."

"Mine?"

"I suspect you're after Snow. Planning a public assassination."

I had actually but how did she know that? "What's yours?"

"Different." She says, "A secret. But I will tell you this. I'm on your side. And everything I'm doing will be best in the long run."

I nod as we slug through the tunnels. "Do you have any family?"

"Well I had an asshole of a brother." She says.

"What was he like?"

"He was a complete jerk. Thought he was a womanizer and wasn't. He was stuck up, thought he was invincible."

"What happened to him?"

"Well he had a right good run in with you." She says a sassy smile flickering in her eyes.

"Marvel?"

"Yeah. Crazy right? I like the person who killed my brother."

"I-"

"Don't bother apologizing, he wouldn't have made it in the world. He was one of those kids who just assumed he was all that until he was nothing."

"Oh..." Whoa...

"I'm an only child now. I'm kind of a prodigy now. Sure I miss him but I'm still not even sure he ever liked me."

"I'm still sorry."

"You probably didn't see me at the Victory Tour. It's because I was training. They told me not be like my brother. That I had to fight harder and take it seriously." She kept walking without looking back at me, "But again killing for honor meant nothing to me. It seemed stupid and pointless. Why did it matter to them that I win some stupid petty game?"

I didn't answer.

"Do you know?" She asks me, "It's just you've been there. Why do it?"

"Because you become a piece of their game." I say.

She chuckles, "Then you pissed all over those rules and cheated your way out of them didn't you?" She asks.

"Yeah, I guess." I say.

"You might want to shield your eyes, we're here." She says quietly. I shield my eyes when we emerge from the underground.

We wind up in a woman named Tigris's home. She helps us find disguises and keeps us hidden long enough. We soon discover the world assumes we're dead.

Amelia tells me about several different secret entrances to the Presidents home. Tigris is helpful in getting us hidden. We slip into the mansion unnoticed. I have to say Amelia is scary good at what she does.

"Katniss, you ready for a grand entrance?" She asks stopping at a specific floor board.

"Um what?"

"Right now Snow is filming a propo. It's time to execute the plan... and him." She says messing with gadgets I somehow didn't know she had.

"The plan?"

"Yeah, here's your lesson in improv. Go with your gut." She says. "And don't be scared. He's just a puny little man."

I nod as she lifts a large bit of floor to reveal Snows office.

"Whoa."

"Bend your knees when you land." She says.

"Huh?"

"Grand entrance. remember smiles on." I look at her for a moment before taking out my bow. I jump landing directly on Snows desk.

"Miss me?" I ask moving to the side just incase Amelia jumps.

"So you are alive. I figured you might be." He says to me.

I squat to his level, "Good." I kick my leg out knocking him right into the wall behind him. Amelia jumps down and throws a knife pinning his shoulder into the wall.

"Did you really think I'd let you get away with what you did to me? To my family? To my friends? To the people of Panem?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't have expected any less from you." He says, "But I also know that you don't have the courage to get the job done."

"Oh?" I ask.

"I promised not to lie to you. And now the world will know." He says meaning the camera crews.

"They'll know that I don't care what you think Snow. They'll know just what I'm not afraid to do for-"

"For what? The people you love?" He snickers, "Just for yourself you mean. You know that I have your entire mind figured out. You just want me gone for yourself."

"No, it's for-"

"The people? You don't care about them."

"For-"

"Peeta maybe? But we all know you don't love that b-" I cut him off stabbing his stomach.

"For my baby." I say sharply. Twisting and jerking out the knife he gasps in pain. I watch him bleed out. His face stuck in a cold stupor at my bold actions.

Maybe it was for the little one I lost, maybe it was for Flint. Either way I did it. I killed the tyrannical leader. Only he's not the only one.

The war ends that very hour. Amelia and I are picked up by air craft. We reach thirteen in a matter of hours.

Peeta is holding Flint when we land. He holds the two of us so close I fear we'll break.

He promises we'll never be parted again. I believe him whole heartedly.

Coin decides to hold a public announcement. Surely it will be for her immediate and permanent rule over us.

I'm fully aware of this, along with our friends. We are prepared to stop her if it comes to that.

We all stand in the crowd looking up at Coin. She makes the announcement. She'll be our new president.

I look at the right time. I turn my head to the right to see Amelia standing in the crowd her eyes focused and stern.

It happens in slow motion. She looks at me, nods ever so slightly. I glance at her hand, a gun polished and deadly.

I mouth to her across the crowd, "Shoot Straight." She winks. I know what that means. She's never missed a mark.

Without moving the rest of her body she lifts her arm and fires the gun. I don't move. My eyes still glued to her. Flint screams in my arms. Everyone around me is frantic.

Only Amelia and I are still. Stuck in our trance we match smiles. Peeta takes my shoulder and shakes it rigorously.

"Kat! KAT! Can you hear me!?" I can but Amelia has dropped the gun. That was her mission. Both of us were meant to execute a Tyrant. I wonder whose meant more. Mine who ended the war, or hers that prevented a future of dictatorship.

"Katniss!" Peeta shouts as Amelia runs backwards through the crowd. I turn to look at him. "She's dead!" He shouts at me. "Coin she's dead! We have to go."

* * *

_Hiya! It's complete and it is still Tuesday my time so neh! Thanks for reading my dear and I'd like to tell you my first original story ever has been posted link on my profile. Tomorrow will be the Night Terror update so watch for that and yes I love you and see you later player!_


	18. 18 In Which All The Things Are Revealed

Peeta nearly drags me back to our apartment. He has Flint in his arms and has gotten our little boy to quiet down. I still feel like I'm in a trance. Like what I just saw happen was nothing more than my imagination.

"Kat, I'm going to put Flint down for his nap." Peeta says taking Flint into our bedroom. I sink into our lumpy sofa. Damn what a day.

Peeta comes back out to the living room and holds me. We lay there together for a moment when his lips find there way to mine. I remember these kisses, longing kisses. His kisses that speak volumes... Yes I know it's inappropriate to bone my husband at a time like this! What is your point?

We get walked in on if that makes you feel any better. By... yeah just about everyone.

Lets start off with the three month pregnant lady, and the woman holding her twins why not?

Annie blushes, Madge shoves her children's faces into her chest.

"Maybe the couch was a bad idea." I say after the initial shock wears off. Peeta graciously uses his body to cover mine.

"What is wrong with you two!?" Madge asks.

"You could have knocked." I say.

"We did." Annie said, "So I guess when you said yes... It wasn't for us."

"Oh god." I sigh.

Finnick and Gale walk in behind them. "Catnip?"

"INDECENCY!" Finnick yells. "How on earth!? Why? You're... But. INNOCENT!"

"I was pregnant you idiot." I say, "What did you think happened?"

"Divine intervention?"

"Grow up." I sigh and press my lips together as Haymitch walks in.

"Busy?" He snickers.

"Not funny." Peeta says.

I gasp unintentionally, "Honey... I think you're... Um... Done." I sadly sigh at the last word. Everyone gapes at me in shock and humor.

"Oh..." He says. "Um... CLOSE THE DOOR!" He shouts at Gale who obliges immediately. He grabs the closest pillow and makes a mad dash for the bedroom. More than enough buns jokes were made. I won't be making any of them.

I curl up into a ball covering everything important while the baker jokes were occupying our male guests. Peeta runs out in pants, with a robe that he throws at me. I slip it on and hide away in our bedroom as he asks our guests about their unexpected arrival.

Once I've changed I spend a few minutes just looking at Flints sleeping body. He's so silent and sound in his world of dreams. This world, the one I created by killing a man was for him.

I stand up and go back into our living room. They are all discussing the uncertain fate of our country. I'm not afraid of it. Madge and Annie are though.

We begin discussing ideas people to nominate. That's when someone brings up a subject I'm sure you know about.

My mother. Her defense of me. They want someone who will protect the people like she protected me.

"Anyone else curious about that whole cryptic 'she was only doing what she was told' thing?" Finnick asked.

"Yeah. What was that all about?" Peeta asks me.

"What?" I ask

He explains that my mother eluded to Snows plans for me. But never fully explained. I figure why not tell them.

"Snow told me that if I didn't get pregnant within a year he was going to put my sister in the games." I say. They all look at me not confused so much as betrayed almost. "If I didn't marry you and conceive he would have put her in. I couldn't let that happen, he used my mom when I wasn't pregnant. She took my place in the Quell."

Peeta is the first to speak, "So I was used to save your sister?"

"It wasn't like that."

"Really?"

"Really!" I say.

"Katniss you used me." He stands up.

"And you used me."

"I never did. The rebellion yes. Me no." He bites his lip.

"Seriously are we going through this again? I love you now. You're my husband and I love you."

"Just words. You never were good with them."

"Peeta-"

"Katniss, when are you going to learn that it isn't good enough? That telling me you learned on the job is an insult not a compliment?"

"What was I supposed to do? Flip Snow the bird, tell him to suck my literal cock, and leave? I did what I had to do."

"You shouldn't have used me like you did."

"I love you."

"Do you?"

"Yes." He still pushes passed and escapes into our bedroom. As silence replaces our brainstorm people begin to leave me alone in the kitchen. The only one left is Gale.

He stands up and walks to me instead of around me, "Catnip... That girl from your regiment... She's been sentenced to immediate execution. I wanted to tell you sooner. But it'll happen soon. I know now is not the time. But it's the only time you have."

I nodded as he left.

That is when an idea springs to my mind, a feeble probably wrong idea. But an idea. I have to know. I bolt out of my apartment and straight to the judging areas. We're on lockdown officially but I've already said screw the rules too many times to care.

I run right into the viewing area, there Amelia's trial has ended. Like it was a real trial at all. She probably confessed.

They're going to give her lethal injection. The quietest way to go. Maybe they had enough mercy to let her pick her poison.

I run down to the execution room they're hooking her up when I last glance at a screen.

I wish I could fly, I wish I were there already. When I get my way into her room the medicine has already been released. She will die in fifteen minutes. She's already gone.

I push past medical technicians. and reach her side.

"Katniss?" She asks as I take her hand.

"Amelia, why did you do it?" I ask.

"I never had a chance. I thought they'd give me prison time. To learn to read. This was always part of the plan."

"But... Amelia. Why?"

"Because. My little boy is safe." She says. Her eyes gleam a tanned leather brown for what probably will be the last time.

"Flint..."

"My baby." She smiles stiffly.

"But... District Two..."

"I'm a good runner."

"Peacekeepers?" I ask only words for quicker answers.

"His father." She says.

"But.. Training?"

"I wasn't training for the Games. I was training for my mission. My brother was only a distraction."

"In your note?"

"District One is not a shiny happy place."

"But... But... Flint."

"Is in good hands."

"He needs a mother." I tell her.

"No he needs a mom." She says as her very last words.

"Amelia! Amelia! Wake up." I can't take all of this information yet. What has happened?

I'm escorted back to my apartment forcibly. I have to think this through.

A checklist.

1 Peeta and I are married.

2 We were supposed to have a baby.

3 I miscarried.

4 I found a child in the woods of District Two.

5 His name is Flint.

6 I've taken him as my son.

7 Flints mother was a part of my team to assassinate both Snow and Coin.

8 Her name is Amelia.

9 She wants to read.

10 She is dead.

I end the list with a question. Why is my apartment so silent?

I go into my bedroom to find it abandoned. A note, _Took Flint back to Twelve. Find me when you've grown up. -Peeta._

When the hell did my life manage to turn itself upside down and inside out?


	19. Chapter 19 I Love You Now

It's been a month since we last spoke. I was not so lucky as to be able to leave right after my husband. I had to wait, vote in a new president. My mom tried to convince me yet again that I should leave him. Even Prim was angry. But I couldn't be. I love him and I hate it these days.

I hate that it's so hard for me to see something that reminds me of him and have to stop just so I can breathe again. I don't like that he did this to me, but I love him.

My mom and Prim decide to move back to Twelve with me, now that mom has a Victors house, plus she plans on helping to build a hospital. That could prove helpful.

I know I'll be seeing him when I arrive, Mom does too. I know she's behind my door before she knocks, "Come in." I tell her.

She sits beside me one arm draped around me the other holding my hand. "How are you precious?"

"I'm... Worried."

"About seeing him again?"

"Yeah... yeah." I look to her for guidance but she has none to give, "I love him." I say.

"I know you do." I look down at the wedding band still present on my hand, not removed from the day of our marriage.

"We have a son."

"Yes." She says.

"What do I do?"

"Well you have two options." I'm ready for them, "We could stay on this train and get to District Four, live there, you could meet a new man, and live without Twelve. Or you could just shut that worrying trap of yours and be the girl I raised."

I'm shocked but still say, "What a hell raiser?"

"No, the girl I raised doesn't back down from a fight. The girl I raised isn't going to take any shit from anyone-"

"Mother!"

"It's true." She claims.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear my mother curse."

"Go ahead, but I'm only human. And Katniss, remember something."

"Yes?"

"The only way that you'll ever fix this, is if you stand tall. Unbreakable." I nod, "That's my girl." The train ride doesn't last much longer, "And if he does reject you kick his ass."

"Mother!"

"I love you precious." She says exiting the compartment. I follow behind until the train comes to a full stop. Mom and Prim get off and head to their new home in Victor Village. I however make my way through town. It's late in the day now, near twilight. The wind is rampant and the sky looks ominous in its wake.

I walk slowly and evenly. I know that I'll be scolded, yelled at, I know I'll deserve only some of it. But I'll take it because I need him.

All other businesses are closed, as now most of them are rebuilt. I find my way to a familiar yet unfamiliar building. Clearly it was built to be like the old one. Only now it's much cleaner. It looks neither lived in, nor loved.

I see him locking up. He doesn't see me, even though I stand right outside the now windowed door. Even as he walks outside, he keeps his head down. It isn't until he's turned around that he sees me. I can't read him from where I am.

Maybe he's assessing me, or maybe he wants to remain neutral until I speak up.

He walks to the post that up holds a stretch of roof and leans on it.

I want to say something witty, like I'm nineteen now. But instead this is how I start, "I uh... I read a book."

"A book?" He asks over the wind.

"Yeah... A book." I better make this good, "But it kind of sucked." He nods, "It's about a boy who deserved more in his life. A boy who never complained, and always kept his head down. A boy who was stronger than he ever believed he was."

He doesn't look impressed, "He did something not a lot of people can do. He stood up to the girl he loved. That takes balls. But he did it."

"Is that why it sucked?"

"No... It was bad because she still wanted him. But she didn't even deserve him to look at her. She didn't but she went after him because she'd be fine all day but she'd sit down and cry herself to sleep out of this aching hallow feeling.

"She'd dream about how much better he'd be without her and she'd know that's what he deserved but she didn't care. She'd sometimes see something that reminded her of him and she'd have to stop her entire day for a moment just so she wouldn't fall apart."

He's silent neutral. I don't like it, "So she ran after him and felt so stupid and wrong because she knew she'd made huge unforgivable mistakes but she loved him anyway."

Neutral, "It was hard to read it because you slowly realize she never didn't love him. And her mistakes were stupid and you know she shouldn't have done it but she did it anyway. And that hurts you as much as it hurt her."

"I thought it was about the boy."

"It was. It was about how he always knew, and he had to teach her. He had to show her what it means to be loved. Only, she always knew, she just had to reawaken the feeling. She couldn't admit that it was always there, but she could say a few things about him when she finally tracked him down."

"Yeah?"

"Every kiss made her tremble inside, made her want to love him. Every light touch made her want to believe it could be real. Every word he spoke made her feel like he owned the world. Every stolen glance never went unnoticed. Every smile made her sure he was sincere. When she finally knew she was capable of love she was afraid.

"But he wasn't, so neither was she. She made him speechless, he made her fearless. She made him dance, he made her fly. She saved him from death, he saved her from herself."

I wonder if I'm breaking any barriers as I say this, "She told him, maybe it wasn't always. Maybe it hasn't been forever yet. But it will be I promise you." I recite the script in my head.

"It was hard, life never seemed to let up on us. We never got a break. Well I did. Once." I see his eyes question for only a moment. I have hope. "I hadn't had a great day not a bad one, not a great one. But you came home and you made me laugh. You said something and made me laugh. That's what I want for us to have again. Because it was that moment when I knew I'd never make it without you."

"I thought this was someone else's story." He says. I can see I'm striking some cords. I'm winning.

"It's called symbolism." I say lightly, "Maybe I didn't love you always. Maybe I wasn't all good, and I know I screwed up. But Peeta, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong and stupid. I know that I used you. But I want you to know that no matter what you tell me next I do love you."

He looks down, "It hurt Kat."

"It hurt me too."

"Did it?" Is that... A quiver in his voice?

"More than you know. It wasn't easy to choose. It never is."

"You have to promise me something."

"Anything."

"Everything."

"Everything?"

He begins to walk down the steps, "If you're truly in this. If you actually love me, promise me everything."

I look at him, he's asking me to say my vows, "I promise, to tell you everything from here on out. I promise to never be afraid of you. I promise to keep you safe when I can. I promise to never stop caring until my dying day. I'll always be here."

He's face to face with me, "And most of all, I promise I'll never stop loving you. I'm already a bit late to the party."

He touches my face softly. A feeling I've dearly missed. He's smiling.

"Now and forever. I'm yours."

He's crying I jump up and wrap myself around him. He's ready and catches me with ease. He's crying while he holds me. But the feeling is mutual I love him now, and he's always loved me. We fit, and I know one thing. I'll never let him go.

* * *

_one more dawn! Or... Like chapter. Hope you liked it baby. I've started a Divergent Fic so go check that out. My original story is posted so I recommend you look at that... And that's it. I love you and think about you tons. See you next week for the final installment. _


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